Is it ok to tell lies to your grandchildren?

I think that a little judicious editing of the bald truth is appropriate for little ones.

Yes, hiding the terrible truth from infants is the right thing to do.Slightly older children , if you think they are ready, can be told the truth or partial truth, no need to elaborate. I never give too much information.

No it is not okay to lie, children learn by asking questions.

I think that you can tell the truth, but edit it appropriately for a small child.

In the example of the air crash you could say that they are searching for the pieces of an aeroplane. You do not have to go into detail about a horrific air crash.

Right, what do you say then when DGS (2 1/2) tells you "mummy said" that that little red blinking light in the corner of the room (burglar alarm) is Santa checking to see if he is being a good boy?
Apart from wishing I had had a similar inspiration when ours were small, it was all I could do to keep a straight face!!

On the whole, I would aim not to tell outright lies about facts in the world, but use common sense to judge what a 4 year old can handle. Maybe yes, a plane crash, but no details about deaths etc. They can pick things up from TV and radio, so a little judicious censorship is often necessary.

I would say giving out the full awful facts is too much for young children. We have to be truthful but modify the horror.

Did anyone see the film
Life Is Beautiful (La Vita è Bella) - Official Site - Miramax
www.miramax.com/movie/life-is-beautiful/
Often crassly referred to as a comedy in a concentration camp. This film showed a father going out of his way to hide the horror of the experience to his 4 yr old son by pretending it was a game. It was very moving.

"Did she, well mummy is very lucky to have such a special light" and a quick distraction
I think it's perfectly acceptable to with hold some details from the very young. I would have told our 4 yr old that the plane had crashed because it was broken. If he asked were people hurt, a simple yes would cover it.

I usually don't watch the news because I don't want to be told about disasters.
I think it's perfectly reasonable to protect a 4 year old from this information. Children will learn about the sadness in the world soon enough.

And we are surrounded by 24 hour rolling news now. It can be too much for adults at times never mind young children.

I did (DC) and do (DGC) tell them the truth about anything pleasant, or unpleasant that they see and ask about and I would not contemplate doing anything else. However how I tell them and how much detail I give them will be tempered to their age, experience and personality.

Children, even quite young children know that cars crash and people get killed, why should they be unable to handle the possibility than planes crash and people get killed?

DD tried not to have the news on when DGS was younger until he'd gone to bed, although he is a bit older now (7).

I agree, m0nica. Perhaps we tend to assume children will have the same feelings as we do when we hear of a plane crash. I'm not sure they do, and I think one can be truthful without giving gory details.

TVs can be switched off too or only switched on for a set amount of children's TV. That's what I used to do and it's what DD still does.

It is a bit like questions about sex - as soon as a child asks ewhere they came from it is tempting to take a deep breath, assume that the moment has come to tell all, and launch into far more information than they need to know. A simple you grew in your Mum's womb would suffice for a little one. They will ask the rest when they need to know.

I think it is the same with these other questions - they do not need to be fed it all in one go, and the response needs to be age appropriate.

Answer the question you have been asked - and nothing more. If there are follow-up questions deal with them similarly. My experience is that there is very little children cannot deal with if the adult deals with it calmly and cosnsistently as they would any other topic they would be very comfortable being asked about.

My two grandsons, aged 2 and 5, were friends with two brothers of similar ages. The 5 year olds were in the same reception class and the little ones were in the same nursery class. A few weeks ago the younger of the two little friends died in a tragic accident and my daughter - a close friend of the bereaved mum - had to tell her children about it. My grandchildren were both upset in different ways, but my daughter gave them the information they needed in an appropriate way and they are nowhere near as traumatised as my daughter is!!

I am truthful with children, but only offer the information that's asked for and try to do so appropriately to the child's age and understanding.

I think you should try to tell the truth but very simply according to age. CBBC Newsround is usually very good at making news child friendly.

I will not have the news on when the GC are there if I know it is very bad. The Lee Rigby story was very difficult for example, especially as their parents are in the military.

Yes, sometimes you can't shield children from the facts of life and death, if it's a family or close friend bereavement then they usually accept it much better than the adults in the family. Horrible and scary world news is a different matter and maybe should censored a little in the same way you wouldn't let them see X rated movies.

When GD was six she was fascinated by Steve Irwin, watched his tv programmes and we played imaginative games, featuring him anf his family, with her plastic animals each weekend. I wasn't sure how to tell her that he had died but didn't need to as she calmly said what a shame it was that Steve had died. I think she'd seen the tv news with her mother.

I think the hardest questions relate to Religious beliefs. My DGC have asked about recently deceased Nana E being in heaven or up in the sky. This is not my belief but I have responded by saying as truthfully as I can 'Yes. Some people think that but you will always remember the lovely times you had with her so she will always be inside your heart too.' Can anyone think of a better way to deal with this so that it will not upset parents with Christian beliefs?

In my head I think I may have adopted pretty much your word for word Grandma2213 It's not my belief either but if the children's parents are Christians I, personally, would hold my tongue on my beliefs. At this time and perhaps at any time my beliefs are not important.

No, Grandma2213 I don't think there is a better way to deal with the situation than the way you did.

Why would people with christian or any other beliefs be upset?

I don't think anyone has said that they would be upset by what was said. Some have said that children were upset by what happened

Those without Christian (or other) beliefs are, quite reasonably, reluctant to mislead children, as they see it.

I think you should never lie. If you are found out, as you will be, you would tinge the trust, or at worst be known to not give a truthful answer. I believe better to withhold facts that are unpleasant. Or 'dont know'