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Oh help!

(35 Posts)
grannylyn65 Wed 23-Dec-15 08:43:36

I know I am awful but am absulutely dreading Christmas, been asked to stay with long standing friends, there will be at least 15. I have lived alone for over 20 years and have worked most Christmasses. I just get so wound up in any large gatherings, family or otherwise! I can't have a drink as am a recovering alcoholic (30 years) not only that but my dental plate still hurts after numerous visits!
I read all the happy positive posts and wish I could feel like that
Watching all the terrible plight of others home and abroad puts lid on
I am not ungrateful, truly. At work I was the 'life and soul' now I am Mrs Bah Humbug grade one
Aplologies but I can't tell anyone else!!
You all have a good time and hugs to those that will be sad. I am not sad, just nothing much.
And yes, am on medication ?

annsixty Wed 23-Dec-15 08:52:56

Commiserations Grannylynn another one here who feels like you but at the same time wishes everyone a Very Happy Christmas. Enjoy every minute while you can.

glammanana Wed 23-Dec-15 08:54:54

I would imagine this is very difficult for you grannylyn but would suggest you go and visit your friends and try and enjoy the time you have with them can you confide in your hosts that you find large gatherings daunting somewhat they may be able to help with the problem,ie seating you on a smaller table with other people you are familiar with,or you could go down another route altogether and volunteer to help with Christmas at a shelter for people who are unfortunate not to have anywhere to go at all with your social care background you would be a great

glammanana Wed 23-Dec-15 08:56:31

annsixty flowers to you also xx

Indinana Wed 23-Dec-15 08:57:15

Oh grannylyn that is such a shame. Do you think you might perhaps have worried about this to the point where you have got the whole thing out of proportion in your mind? I can be like this at times with any large gathering of friends where I almost reach the point of panic, looking for a way out, trying wildly to think of excuses so I won't have to go. I have even at times found myself wishing I could wake up feeling sick or with a migraine so the situation would be taken out of my hands. How mad is that? But every single time when I've pulled myself together, got ready and gone, I have genuinely had a wonderful time, enjoyed meeting up with friends, some of whom I don't see very often.
Do painkillers relieve the dental plate problem? Or perhaps some sort of numbing agent? Why not ring your dentist or have a word with a pharmacist to see if there is something that will help.
Please try to focus on the positives. It could well turn out to be a lovely, enjoyable Christmas. flowers

Alea Wed 23-Dec-15 09:02:57

Maybe diplomatic flu is the answergrannylyn
Sometimes being alone can be preferable to feeling lonely in a crowd.
It is not a crime to prefer to be on your own doing things your way, especially if you are in discomfort and drinking all around is a potential minefield.
Put yourself first. flowers

grannylyn65 Wed 23-Dec-15 09:11:37

These comments are really helpful,am relieved indiana you understand. I know the family are really wanting me, and know I don't drink! There is a lovely area near us which contains 'Ossians Cave' you could look it up, is in Hermitage near me, am thinking of moving in except is damp, cold and, well, a cave!!

OlderNoWiser Wed 23-Dec-15 09:41:24

Rest assured, you are not the only one who thinks Christmas is totally overrated. I am another one who is reluctant to join in the "fun", which to me looks just like one big overindulgence of eating and drinking too much, often followed by arguments, resentment and the usual falling out.

A hermit's cave would do me nicely, if they could install central heating. Give me a pile of books and I'd be happy :-)

Stansgran Wed 23-Dec-15 09:49:51

Eat drink and be merry Gransnetters for tomorrow we don't know what......

KatyK Wed 23-Dec-15 09:52:38

Christmas certainly causes a lot of problems for some people that's for sure. Our family has it's fair share of stress and worry over who is going where and who is spending time with whom etc. I am trying to go with the flow and let it all wash over me. As others have said grannylyn you might find you enjoy it more than you think. flowers for all who are not feeling very 'fun' inclined.

jinglbellsfrocks Wed 23-Dec-15 09:56:33

I hope you are on the right medication Grannylyn65. Something like fluoxetine could be quite helpful here. Really. Bit late now though.

I think once you are there you will get caught up in the swing of things, and will find yourself enjoying it. Your 'Mrs Bah Humbug' will go out the window and your life and soul of the party will return. It's still in there. You'll see.

And, by the way, none of us are positive about Christmas all the time. tchwink

Have a good one.

Lona Wed 23-Dec-15 10:11:05

I often feel like you grannylyn65. I find large gatherings quite daunting although I appear very confident to strangers.
I'm spending Christmas day alone from choice this year, I enjoy my own company and hardly ever get bored.
It takes all sorts. Just be yourself and do what you want to do. sunshine

Elegran Wed 23-Dec-15 11:00:44

grannylyn My solution to the dental plate pain after several visits was to find out for myself exactly where the points were that pressed into my gums and take a bit of sandpaper to them. I was far more accurate than the dentist at sanding down the right place - I was the one with the pain!

trisher Wed 23-Dec-15 11:22:57

grannylynn you're not awful and you aren't the only one. Much as I love my family I still find Christmas Day a bit of a trial. One of the things I do to get through it is to promise myself a Boxing Day doing just what I want. I refuse all invitations, make sure visiting family have duty visits to do and read the book I really wanted. I eat left overs and chocolates. Promise yourself something good if you do the Christmas thing and you will get through it.

kayerunrig Wed 23-Dec-15 11:57:08

Just last night there was a reindeer visiting pensioners in old folks homes and the thought of one day ending up in care with a load of xmas heads would be enough to finish me off . My loathing of social occasions is to far embedded in my psyche to change at this time of life but every year i have to organise a big family xmas, its for them not for me and i just grin and get on with it , while my head is screaming

inishowen Wed 23-Dec-15 12:05:14

I understand completely how you feel. Christmas doesn't fill me with cheer, it fills me with dread. I have just had a bit of a collapse with it all. I have been babysitting for eleven hour stints for the past week, then food shopping one evening. My back gave out and yesterday I slept all day. Have slept again until 11 am today and told my daughter I can't babysit tonight but will do it tomorrow. My body just gave out with exhaustion. (Daughter and son in law work shifts and there is no one else to babysit)

aggie Wed 23-Dec-15 12:24:26

I find Bonjella helps the denture pain , there is one for over 16 s . Can't help with the crowd bit , I get in the kitchen and do dishes , escape out with the rubbish or occupy the loo

Charleygirl Wed 23-Dec-15 12:45:09

Perhaps I am fortunate not having any family so I can do exactly what I want. I am not a fan of Christmas but I have bought a few treats and I will enjoy myself.

TriciaF Wed 23-Dec-15 13:53:57

If they don't live too far away couldn't you say to them that you can only come for Xmas lunch ?

Anya Wed 23-Dec-15 14:54:41

Oh dear - it's a bit late to opt out now. Perhaps some of the tips on here will help with the plate? Hope so.

Otherwise I can see no option but to grin (if the plate doesn't slip) and bear it. Your response post is quite humerous so perhaps you can just sit and observe the oddities of people who've had too much to drink or, who knows, you might find a kindred spirit.

I often find the events I really don't want to go to turn out to be some of the best in the end. Possibly because I'd no expectations of enjoyment.

Well done on the 30 years without a drink - that's an amazing achievement. Hats off to you X

Grannee Wed 23-Dec-15 16:16:32

Lots of love to you grannylyn65! There are a lot of us who find this time of year stressful to say the least, and I have also felt like other posters on here who find large gatherings daunting. I found that when I stopped thinking about ME and tried to think about making the occasion enjoyable for the others it helped. After all the party is MADE by the guests. Also - guess what? you are WANTED! You could well be the life and soul of the party but just aren't aware of it at the minute. You have been given an amazing gift - sobriety! If you can - go and share your second chance at life with those who care enough to invite you, and come away again grateful you are loved enough to be asked and counting all the good things in your life. Happy Christmas! xx

grannylyn65 Wed 23-Dec-15 17:18:01

Comments have made me feel so much better and kaye made me laugh to myself!
You are ????

rubylady Thu 24-Dec-15 03:11:31

Charleygirl I'm coming round to yours next year! I'll be on my own then too, well, I think, unless my knight turns up sometime next year, lol.

grannylyn You do exactly what you want. Could you not have a "get out clause" just in case you feel the need to leave early? At least then you will have been and made an effort? Take a good book and disappear for some "you" time if things get too much while there. tchsmile

It is just a few days, pick some non Christmas tele or radio if you don't want to have it rammed down your throat, or go out and have a long walk in the woods or parks. Borrow someone's dog (who is baffled by what is going on) and spend time excercising it, the family will thank you if they have kids and are finding it hard to get out with Fido.

harrysgran Thu 24-Dec-15 08:37:42

I agree with Alea maybe diplomatic flu is the answer it's a little white lie and sometimes we need to please ourselves rather than others hope you sort your dental pain out .

Nana3 Thu 24-Dec-15 09:22:28

Perhaps hang on till the last minute before cancelling, good friends will understand and you might have a change of heart.
Otherwise do your own thing, again good friends know you well enough and love you no matter what.
You must have great strength for not having had a drink for 30 years, that is seriously brilliant.
Discomfort in your mouth is horrible, hope you've got it sorted.
I love your sense of humour, you must be great company.

Best wishes whatever you decide grannylyn65 flowers