Children at weddings, Yes or No?

Aside from possible disruption during a service, I do think it may often come down to money. I'm sure many people would like to invite children, but if there are a lot, it is going to bump up the cost considerably, or else mean fewer of the adults the couple would like to invite. Heaven knows weddings don't come cheap.

There were lots of children of all ages at a dd's wedding last year, but we were extremely lucky in having a lovely big venue to use for free, since it belongs to a generous relative. There was loads of space for children to run around in, and games equipment laid on, plus babysitters and a sleeping area for later. It was a lovely, relaxed and informal occasion, and we were also blessed with fine weather, which made the running around outside possible.

However, I hate to think of what the same would have cost if we'd had to pay for a similar venue with as many guests. I'm sure the whole thing would have been scaled down considerably. Should add that a number of dd's friends with young children did not bring them, although they could have, since they welcomed a break with a lie-in in the morning! Though of course not everybody will have anyone willing or able to babysit - far from it.

Grannismith, my heart aches for you and the little girl you were who was so disappointed at not being invited to that wedding!

Were you younger than your sister and the other children who were included? Possibly there was an age cutoff? Surely, your parents must have explained?

"I cried and felt like dying."

Those are very strong feelings, especially for a child. I get that no one likes to feel left out, but why did it mean that much? You don't need to answer, but perhaps there was more going on here that just not being included in that wedding? I hope not, but maybe your parents/family tended to favor your sister? If so, I'm very sorry.

"I have always felt inferior to the kids who went to that wedding."

Again, it seems to me like there was more going on here than meets the eye. Maybe overall poor treatment/bad parenting by your mom and dad? Again, you don't have to answer, but I hope you are in counseling. You deserve to feel better about yourself and counseling may help. (((Hugs)))

grannismith

When 2nd X Brother married, his fianceé was determined to be the complete centre of attention.
DS2 was born 2 weeks before the wedding, he was in hospital 'under the lights' for 10 days.
XSIL said she had telephoned my Mother to babysit for DS2, which we found a bit strange as my Mother was staying with us at the time and no telephone call was ever recieved.
No way would I let my Mother babysit for a new baby, breastfeeding would be a bit difficult!!!!
Also my Mother has never looked after a baby under 5 months old, age i was when adopted. She was horrified at the suggestion.
We did not go to the wedding, which really upset X and his brother.
All that upset and lies just because some of the attention would be on a very small baby and not her.
She was happy enough to have very cute DS1 as a page boy all togged up in a kilt etc. He was 7.

Meant to add that DS1 went to the Service, my Mother had been told he would be brought back to her house, we lived way up north and she had taken him down to attend.
Service was at 14.30, 16.00 a taxi arrived at her house with DS1 in it, alone, he had photos taken and was sent back.
It was lucky my Mother had stayed at home as she had expected his to come home after the meal.

TBH, felice, I understand a bride wanting a babysitter for her kids, so she can just enjoy her wedding day. I'm sure baby got plenty of attention in those 2 weeks. And I wonder, was it about "attention" or babycare? I don't know your XSIL, of course, but generally speaking, I would understand a bride's wanting a childcare break for just that one day.

What I don't fully get is her turning to your mother/her then-BIL's wife's mom for help! But I suppose her own mother and BIL's were involved with the wedding.

Also, I don't get why XSIL didn't have DS1 stay for the meal. But perhaps he was getting restless? (Hard to know since you weren't there, I realize.) It sounds as if there was some miscommunication between XSIL and your mother about when he would arrive. Anyhow, I feel sorry for the poor little guy being sent back and forth - nobody wanted to be bothered with him!

It's not my business, I know, but I don't get why you didn't accompany your then-husband to the wedding. Just cuz XSIL ASKED your mother to watch her baby? Maybe I'm wrong, but it sounds to me as if you just didn't/don't like this lady, in general, not just cuz of whether or not she had her kids at her wedding! (I realize you may have good reason to dislike her, of course.)

Whose day is it anyway? Their wedding, their choice.

Have them, please! We had them at the weddings of all three of my children. The little ones were delightful and added hugely to the joy of a family occasion.