Mum wants to be in delivery room

i think I would have been mortified to have my mother at the birth of my children! And as a Mum, I would not dream of asking my daughters to be at their side when they give birth. One of my daughters had a baby on her own 6 years ago, but her sister and a friend were there. She said she hoped I wouldn't be offended if she didn't ask for me, but i told her i was relieved! i would have been there if she had really wanted it of course, but glad to be let off! I would have been no help at all, worrying about her!

When I gave birth 36 years ago it was definitely fathers only. After a longish labour they decided to use forceps and asked my DH to leave. I didn't want him to go and so he just stayed. They kept saying he should really leave now but he just stayed, for which I am so grateful as that was the time I needed most support. I would never dream of asking my DD or DiL if I could be there, it is a very private and special time for you both. Plus, the thought of an audience fills me with horror.

Traditionally birthing has been 'women's' business, so in that respect I don't suppose it's too surprising that a woman may want her mother at the birth. I have been birth partners to a Romanian woman and a Chinese woman, both were my language students and felt they needed a friendly female presence - the husband of one was absent and the other welcomed me being there.

almostthere - so glad all is well and now you can relax.

Tell your mum the truth! You are now an adult , and if your mum is anything like me, she will want you to be happy. My daughter asked me to be there for both her babies, but I made double and treble sure that it was not just out of kindness, and that her partner was happy too. But she really wanted me there, and they were the most amazing experiences of my life.

My mother was a midwife but, unless it was an emergency and no one else was available, I wouldn't have wanted her there at the delivery. No way!!

I was there with one of my daughters but not the other, husbands were both present as well.I would never ask,just wait to be asked. I think you should kindly say mum I would like it to just be me and ???? but I'd love you to be outside the delivery room so you can come in as soon as baby had arrived, if it's a long labour your partner may also be grateful of a break and some fresh air and a cuppa then your mum could stand in for him temporarily.Be honest with her as you have a lovely relationship you wouldn't want to jeopardise it. Good luck

Make sure your birthing team knows your preference!

I don't like the idea of being classed as granny number 2 because I am the MIL. I have always been there for support as soon as the babies came home. I spent a week helping out each time and then took a back seat when DIL's mother arrived to spend some time with the baby. With the best will in the world t'other mother was not really baby orientated and in face some of the things she did down right scared me.

Hope the situation is resolved.

Lucky you she did not want to be at the conception.

Hope all goes well.

My DD actually tentatively suggested that I might be present at the birth of our first grandchild when she admitted to feeling scared and in need of having her mum with her! I declined however as I strongly feel this is a private time for the new parents only and would have felt I was intruding on such a special time for my SIL. Of course if she'd insisted I would have gone but I would have struggled seeing her in pain. As it was they had a really special trouble-free experience and I was able to see my grandson very soon after the birth. At her request my husband and I were present when they all came home from hospital so shared that special time with them before withdrawing tactfully to allow the new little family to bond in their first few days together!

I think Carol ne 63 has touched on another relevant issue. There are normally TWO grandmothers per new baby. Any regular readers of this site will know how easily granny no 2 (I the paternal grandmother) can feel hurt and slighted. The presence of the maternal grandmother at the birth is perhaps not the most tactful start to the granny grandchild or inter granny relationship ! Keep 'em as equal as you can from the start, don't accord too many privileges to one granny that the other doesn't have access to.
Have a lovely birth and a fab baby!

That's great news almostthere. And your relationship with your mum is undamaged - maybe even enhanced. Well done. And all the very best for a happy and comfortable delivery.

Have the hospital tell her she can't be there. Or, if they won't, you tell her that is what the rules say. A kindly meant fib will save everyone's feelings. If she contradicts you or tries to overrule you then you will have to say calmly and kindly that you only want your partner in the room with you when you give birth.

Great news almost there.

I believe it's completely up to the person giving birth who she wants to have there, whether partner, mother, friend, whoever.

That is such good news almostthere - you must be feeling relieved. I am glad that this has all been resolved amicably. Your Mum is obviously getting ready to play her proper role as a grandma and I am sure that you will be glad of her support when the time is right.

Good luck with the delivery and let us know when the little one puts in an appearance.

My DIL's mum wants to be at her delivery when Baby comes in August. I was surprised because I had obviously expected my son to be there but not his mother-in-law! It doesn't sit well with me. I think it should be private between the new mother and father. However, we're all different.
Can't you just tell her you'd rather keep the actual delivery between you and your husband but she can come in straight after? Her feelings may get a little hurt but surely she'd get over it?

I didn't want to be there at the birth of DGD as I agree it is a very private time between partners , however I was called up as a back up when DSiL was finding it so very stressful and distressing ! It can be very much so to see your loved one in so much pain and feel so useless .
I kept well out of the way once DGD was born, and left immediately to allow them their private time. Even though I was a nurse and had seen many babies deliver ,I found the birth highly emotional ,and I was privileged to be there. But it would not have upset me at all if DD had not wanted me there.This time round (very soon) I will have the most important job of looking after that DGD !

When my youngest daughter had my first grandchild she was no longer with the father and asked me to be with her at the birth, she was induced so we were there a couple of days and I had a funeral to attend so my other daughter stayed with her. I returned and then hubby turned up and although I was the one holding her hand and giving encouragement he was also in the delivery room (stood in a corner). It was amazing to be there. When eldest had her son she had her partner there but had an emergency section. We went to the hospital that evening and saw her and the baby who was in SCBU. youngest is expecting again but her partner will be with her and the topic has not been raised. My opinion is that is is something that you have to be invited to do and if at all possible it should be just the father who is present.
My instructions for this birth are to contact the pram shop and arrange to go and pick up the already purchased pram once I know she is in labour lol

Hope you have a good delivery. All the best.

i had my first baby a long time ago [a girl who is now 45 years!!] but wouldn't have felt comfortable having my mum in the delivery room with me. i expected my other half to be there though as i felt he was part of the whole process.
my second baby was born at home [he decided to come quicker than expected] and my other half almost delivered him!! if the midwife was five minutes later than she was then he would have!! but, again, i wouldn't have felt comfortable with my mum there with me.
giving birth is a private thing between husband and wife [or partners] and mums shouldn't expect to be there as well.

thank you *lullyDully she will be ecstatic, I know

thanks MiniMouse - yes, I think it's 'almost' time to put my feet up with a cup of tea after that as well! Ah, the relief...

So pleased.it has turned out well . Bless you, have a super baby and granny can have the third kiss.

That's brilliant almostthere! Now you can relax and get on with being an 'almostmum'

oh you are all so kind. Thank you so much for your advice, I truly appreciate you all taking the time to reply to me. I phoned my mum this morning and told her (gently!) that I would prefer to keep the birth between my partner and I....and she was fine (phew). After a little pause, told me she understood. To be honest, it looks like Iwas worrying unnecessarily as she had completely forgotten she'd asked!!

So again, thank you all for putting my mind at ease about telling her. I'm so glad I have, and can properly relax now.