Mum wants to be in delivery room

I have 3 DDs - one wanted me there for her 3 births. I had to duck out at the point where the first one resulted in an emergency section, just missed the third, but was there for the middle one - it was very moving as my own mother died suddenly 2 days later.

But the other two girls chose to make it a matter between them and their partners and I respected that. I did not feel sidelined or upset, and was happy to go with their choice. It was not a problem at all. We saw the babes when they were ready for us to, and they were then able to make us very welcome as we were not surplus to requirements so to speak.

I have sometimes watched One Born Every Minute and there have been several occasions when Mum has muscled in and it was very obvious that SIL was not happy with this.

Hopefully you can let her know in a nice way that you love her dearly and will want to show her the baby as soon as possible, but that you would like the birth to just be between you and your partner - oh and the midwife!

To be strictly honest I do not think your Mum should have said this to you, but left you to invite her. This does make it sightly more difficult for you. Good luck with your birth.

You're the one giving birth, you have the baby your way, and don't let anyone interfere with that!

Stop watching One Born Every Minute almostthere That bl....y stupid programme should be taken off. I'm amazed at the crowd of relatives that rock up in the maternity wards. Just waiting for Uncle Tom Cobley and the Man on the Clapham Omnibus to be seen in the delivery room soon!

Tell the truth. I think it's very peculiar for it to be anyone other than the father (if he's available) to be there. My niece has invited her mum to be with her when she has her baby. My brother (the grandfather) is slightly put out that he isn't included.

None of my daughters invited me thankfully and when I asked if they would have liked me there there was a really loud 'no'!

almostthere Why not broach the subject with her and see how she takes it? I wasn't at the births of any of my DGCs and didn't expect to be. If my DD or DDiL had asked me to be present then I would have agreed to it.

I'm sure that, whatever you decide to do, your DM will be so excited to see the new arrival that anything else will be forgotten (and forgiven!).

i suppose it's more just a matter of gritting my teeth and taking the plunge now - thank you all for confirming my suspicions! I'm sure she will be fine - maybe a bit disappointed to begin with, but hopefully she'll come round. It's just difficult - I do adore her and hate to cause her any upset, however big or small.

doesn't it just maggiemaybe!

Yes, I'd just tell the truth, as hulahoop says. From what you say about your mum, I'm sure she'll understand. I would have hated my mum to be there at any of the births, much as I loved her, and certainly had no desire to be at my DGC's births. One Born Every Minute has a lot to answer for!

I don't see her every day minimouse, but we don't live too far (about an hour and a half) and we talk every week on the phone. It's only come up once so far, but I wouldn't feel right not dealing with the issue head on.

Were you/would you be hurt by being excluded from the birth? Whenever we've watched programmes like One Born Every Minute, we always seem to see lots and lots of mums present for the birth. I began to think it was me being odd/cold not wanting her there.

She's tough in some ways, but quite fragile in others and we've had some quite difficult times over the last few years (illnesses etc.). We're coming out the other side now, luckily.

Dear almosthere, I second thatbags advice. ... all of it. I'm sure you have a fabulous relationship, but this particular milestone is for you and your partner. Much as you love your mum, this is a moment (or several hours) for you 'almost ' parents exclusively. And I really do mean that. My DD and I are very close, but in no way would I have expected.... or wanted to be present at the birth. Grandparents do not figure in this equation.... take your time to bond with your baby, and be firm!

Tell her you want it to be a special time for you and partner . Personally I wouldn't have wanted to be there unless they really wanted me .

I think it's a bit odd all this spectator sport for a birth. I would actually say out right how much you appreciate her thoughtfulness for your welfare but you would feel anxious on her behalf in case anything went wrong(nothing will) knowing how much she would worry on your behalf.

minimouse's suggestion is perfect.

Just tell her you'd like it just to be you and your partner but you'd love to see her and show her the baby soon after. I don't really see why she needs to be at the hospital during your labour. It can take a while, you know. Tell her you'll call her as soon as you can after the birth and leave it at that.

Do you see your DM every day? If not, then you could avoid any confrontation by not contacting her when you go into labour, or not telling her when you do. Wait until the baby's arrived. That may sound harsh, and she may initially feel hurt, but I think it should be up to you and your OH who is present at the birth.