Neighbour Problems

Elysium. Unfortunately you have written your post on one about neighbour problems. It would be much better to start a new thread and then I'm sure lots of people will come along and offer supportive advice. I'Msorry things have broken down between you and your son but I would keep trying to renew contact rather than lose him.

Difficult to begin, but my DS of 43 and his wife have not spoken to me or our family for almost 4 years and I don't anticipate in the foreseeable future, they ever will. I am desperately sad that I don't see him and despite after a confrontation with his wife, I tried to call and email, but all attempts were rebuffed. I had known for a number of years that she had a problem of jealousy with my DD who is 4 years younger than her brother, forever niggling me with negative comments about her until eventually I noticed my DS doing the same to me. I love my DS dearly and yet I constantly defended my DD, knowing she would be horrified if she knew what they were saying about her. It culminated 4 years ago, in my DIL coming to my place of work and informing me that my son had cancer. I was terribly upset to hear the news and tried to ask her questions about his treatment and how he was, instead I heard a barrage of nasty comments about my DD. I was distraught and asked her to leave as I couldn't listen to this anymore. Within minutes I heard from my son that I had upset his wife and they no longer wished to speak to me or my daughter. I tried to protest that I was terribly concerned about his illness and would give a few days cooling off period, but it needed to be discussed. He or she never spoke again to us. My daughters attitude has changes from upset to anger as she is a good person and doesn't know where all thus has come from. We always thought DIL was a lovely girl, who occasionally became very emotional. We empathised with her and was always supportive. I was the only person invited to their wedding, alongside DILS mother, who was a lovely person too. He cut off contact with a lot of his friends and all family, so we were the last to be cut out of their lives. Sorry about this long letter, it's the first time I've written it down. I find it difficult to sleep and think of him constantly but have tried to move on. I don't know where they live now, so do you think it's wise to let him go?

Could I just pick up a point made on page 1 of this thread.

The fact that next door replaced the fence does not mean that it is their fence. Who owns the fence will be stipulated in the deeds associated with the house and will have been entered on the enquiry form the previous owners will have completed when you bought the property. If you do not have a copy of the deeds the solicitor you used for the purchase should still have the file associated with the purchase. Contact them and ask them to check who owns the fence. It could be you.

I meant to say she moved in with her daughter for the 3 months!

GillT57 - a friend actually did that - she was having an awful time with bullying from some new neighbours, she mentioned the problems she was having to someone who introduced her to 3 brothers. They had a "business" where they would move into a property, rent free, for a certain length of time. They would then make life a total misery for the neighbours, throwing noisy parties, drunken behaviour and just generally being unpleasant. After the bad neighbours had either moved out or at the end of a certain time they would repair and redecorate the house and move out! She also paid them. In her case they moved out after 3 months and she moved back in, the bad neighbours never bullied her again!!

Put the house on the market and sell to a bunch of riff raff, maybe someone with loads of feral children and barking dogs. Then leave them to it.

He's a bully but also a coward. This is intimidation and harassment. You need to tell the Police you are frightened of him NOW. Get this logged with them pdq. However, if you decide to sell you will have to declare what has taken place. Move now, if you can and save yourself lots of grief.

My disabled daughter also has problems with her next door neighbours. They shout abuse if anyone parks half an inch over their drive even for a minute - even though it doesn't block their drive. If my daughter comes out of her house or anyone pulls up in her drive, the neighbours come out to put one item in their dustbin just to have a look. The neighbours put up a camera over their front door which appears to point into my daughters drive. I always smile and say 'good morning' to the camera and that seems to have stopped their antics a bit. My daughter is divorced and lives with her little girl. I don't know why people have to be so nasty to their neighbours. It must take a lot of effort to be abusive all the time and I really feel for all you who have to put up with such behaviour day in and day out.

You are having a terrible time, I feel so sorry for you. Our neighbours are pretty dreadful but we manage to ignore them. One thing has crossed my mind, not that it really makes any difference, have the couple bought the house or does the father in law own it and rent it to them? I just wondered as he seems to have so much to say.

Log it all, take photos, have actual recordings of the abuse if you can.Use CCTV. Get the police involved if you have to.

They only have the right to hack down your shrubbery if it hangs over their garden. They can offer you the cuttings, but it is within your rights to refuse to take them. I learned this the hard way.

The ultimate revenge would be to put in a water feature that runs 12 hours a day and sounds not the least bit like a gently flowing river, but like a Shire horse p**ing in pond.

I have been very unlucky for 21 years with my immediate neighbours. House has changed hands 3 times in that time and each time the occupants have been vile. Everyone else around here is " normal" but for some reason this house is always taken by odd types ranging from actual criminals with the police chasing them/monitoring them, to bullying types

Fences make for great neighbours. The bully I refer to above actually attacked a workman I had putting up a little bit of trellis for me.

All the best with this. I hope you find a happy resolution.

If you are an owner occupier just be aware that once reported this is on record and when selling your home it has to be noted on the 'enquiries before contract' or 'the missives' (depending on where you live) so it will then affect the value and saleability of your home.

Obviously the next door neighbour's FIL is teaching all the wrong behaviours which are not conducive for peaceful living. It is doubtful that this will get any better.

I have also had a problem with parking outside a neighbours house. I had really nasty notes left on my car, and at one point the person in question spotted me outside my home as this person was driving past. They slammed on their brakes (holding up the traffic) to shout abuse at me. Nasty piece of work.
To make matters worse, although I had every right to park on this part of the road,I was approached by a Traffic Warden who advised me to move.
When I pointed out that I was legally parked and not causing any obstructions etc, he still suggested that I move my car.
By all accounts, this person was well known for causing trouble, so I guess that he just wanted to have a quiet life. I was not impressed with him I can tell you.

Marieeliz, this sounds so familiar - this girl's father has been doing all the work on this house - they must have pulled it completely apart, and they couldn't care less about the noise. In fact, they went crazy because my daughter, who was staying with me at the time, asked could they stop at 7pm because she was trying to settle her newborn - I still get that thrown at me because we were being unreasonable!

I am sympathetic, last year I had a young couple move in next door. That would have been fine without the girls father. It is social housing although I own mine. The father treated the house as though he was the owner. He runs a building firm and for almost 12 months he had work men in daily even weekends. They were all staying in the house the father owns, which is large. So they did not put up with any of the noise or inconvenience. It all came to ahead when he stored equipment in the shared entry and put a lock on the gate. He said he could use it on "his" side. I complained to the housing officer at the Trust they were renting from. The language from this man was choice. I live on my own. He is a bully. Luckily they all spend most of the time at the father's house. Why they needed Social Housing I don't know.

Issie, I have to admit I am worried about it escalating. Your story sounds horrific, I really feel for you

If it was me, I would not do anything to escalate the situation.
I have learnt from experience, Just ignore HIM, do not say good morning or anything pretend that he does not exist, blank him completely.

I lived next door to a couple over 12 years ago that moved in and made my life and my families life so bad that we had to move house in the end up after 18 years of living in that house.

We were stalked, we were abused verbally, in our gardens and when we were out in the streets of shops, we had enviromental letters about outside lights, bins, trees. We put up a new fence and had to lower it 2 ft, it was a complete nightmare for us all.
My daughter got followed to work or if she was in a nightclub or pub. She got spoken to really disgustingly in the garden one night when we were abroad holiday, she rang me in tears, I rang the police but they would not get involved not even call up and see if she was ok....It was a nightmare and to be honest still makes me feel sick.... So my advise.. completely ignore him.

Radicalnan - getting an injunction on the FIL would be great

Granny2016 you're right about the easy target - my neighbour on the other side is an ex-policeman and he said I must stress to the police that I am living alone.

Do you have house insurance? sometimes they have a free legal helpline.

The problem is that when it comes to sell your house, you are obliged to reveal all this and that will undoubtedly affect a sale.

The removal of your hedge was criminal damage.

It is easier to complain about FIL who does not live there so my advice would be to contact the police they have officers trained in this sort of thing (as if they haven't got enough to do). You may have to proceed to the point where there is an injunction against him visiting. Hopefully his daughter might move if that happens.

Try to limit complaint to behaviour of FIL and not neighbours then declarations at point of sale won't be so damaging.

He sounds like a nut case and they only get worse. So deal with it before it escalates.

There are mediation schemes in some places, local library or council will have details.

Your neighbours sound like a nightmare and I sympathise as I moved house because of mine.So many people today have their lives blighted by rowdy or petty neighbours.
If they are being aggressive towards you,you do need to tell the police.I think mine were shocked to get a visit,though the mother,her friends and the children were already known to them.
I sold,but was honest and told the agent that I would not sell to a single woman....I do think we can be easy targets.

As regards the nails.
It is common practise to grow plants against the neighbours fence,hang wind chimes and pots etc,but I think you will find that you are not able to attach nails to their property without permission.
A solution would be for the nails to be removed and sticks popped into your soil to support the netting.
If the front hedge is yours,then they have most certainly damaged your property.
If your neighbours are tenants,you can contact the council or their landlord.
Your daughter can park wherever she chooses on the road.
It is a horrid situation and I hope you can soon get a peaceful life back.
It baffles me where so many anti-social neighbours have come from.

Blimey, there are some truly awful people out there! I just don't understand how or why they think it's ok to make someone else's life a misery.

Tizliz, that's a really useful thing to know. I told him there could have been birds nesting in it and he told me there weren't because he would have heard them. Over the sound of an electric hedge trimmer - I don't think so!

is he saying it's a party fence, or your responsibility? Is he fit enough to be able to repair it himself? It's so sad isn't it when older people, especially with health problems, are treated in such a cavalier fashion? Maybe the hedge is the answer although it will need trimming. Hope it grows quickly.

To join in the bandwagon. I also have appalling neighbours. When they allowed their fence to blow down in the gales eighteen months ago they accused me of pushing it down!! I am a pension er with copd and angina! Couldn't push over a daffodil!
Their dog then proceeded to come in my garden and attacked my cat. It then attacked my puppy as well.
They refuse to replace the fence of course.!.I had to put up dog proof mesh and have grown a hedge my side. All at great expense of course.
Miserable b*^#*#*s!!

There is a law about cutting down hedges, it is aimed at farmers but you could still quote it:

This year saw the introduction of new rules for hedge-cutting under cross compliance.

It means that you are not allowed to cut or trim your hedgerow between 1 March and 31 August unless you have applied for a derogation from the RPA and received written permission or any of the following apply:

The hedgerow overhangs a highway, road or footpath over which there is a public or private right of way and the overhanging hedgerow obstructs the passage of, or is a danger to, vehicles, pedestrians or horse riders
The hedgerow is dead, diseased, damaged or insecurely rooted and because of its condition, it or part of it, is likely to cause danger by falling on to a highway, road or footpath; or obstructs the view of drivers or the light from a public lamp
It is to carry out hedge-laying or coppicing during the period 1 March to 30 April (inclusive)
It is to trim a newly laid hedgerow by hand, within six months of it being laid

Dollyjo, you must have been terrified, what an awful thing to happen.

What a sad story, Elssa21; you really have gone through it. Portland4, thanks for that - I hadn't thought about that aspect.