Feeling as if none of the family really care

I agree Gononsuch, enjoy our well deserved retirement and have our independent lives. Families know we will help if needed. Life has changed since we had grandparents maybe not for the better but that's what we have.

Can't we just let our family's grow up and start to enjoy our retirement.

Our 2 GC (3,5) are just like every other child of that age, we know what its like on the school run, they throw their bags at you and then run off with there mates.

We look after ours for 3 days a week, and when the oldest went on a "run for life" we wasn't told about it until 2 days after, but we still sponsored him.

Suffice to say they know where we are and I'm happy with that.

Understand completely Atrig. I think we just have to put our expectations to one side and live a life as best we can. It is disappointing and hurtful to feel excluded, we often only heard about school events after they had happened. I think what made it worse was the casual 'you could have come but I didn't think about it'. Made me want to scream. So we got proactive, ask at the beginning of each term if anything is coming up, then consider if we are available for anything we like the sound of (and that certainly isn't everything!), make a note of it and re-check closer to the time. It works for us, the family are clear they don't mind and it helps with involvement. As a way of managing their very busy weekends so we don't intrude we have also worked out a way to see our grandchildren after school every couple of weeks, it helps us, their Mum and they enjoy the change of chef for tea . Because of their ages we probably only have another year of that, so more thinking to come. It is hard, my memories of grandparents and involvement are different but looking back I know I wasn't as sensitive to the needs of our children's grandparents as I might have been and so I try not to get too het up about it now - or not often .

Sad that there are so many of us. Having moved nearer to our DS DIL & 4GC (with their encouragement I might add), we are very disappointed in the outcome. We do not get invited to school/hobby events unless it is because the children need an audience and the parents cannot make it - never because we might enjoy it. We get Iinvited to family events but they are so large we don't get any quality time with them. If she can opt for after school or holiday clubs then she will do so rather than ask us. Our counterparts are more welcoming than their daughter is. The upside is that the area is very nice with lots of things to visit/do/join. We are trying to adjust and make new friends

Its not the way families should be but sadly we live in a very selfish world..
Maybe a bit of reverse psychology where you and your hubby make yourselves unavailable may just kick them into seeing what they are doing ..
Upsetting for you and a hug coming from me and wishes that it will get better for you soon

kids today are so wrapped up in their own lives, yes I appreciate they are busy but to not even reply to emails or when you phone they say they are busy and will ring back and they dont! it does make you feel very unwanted and excluded from the family circle. Gone are the days where families had time for each other, not really sure why or how. I used to visit both my grandparents and parents on a regular basis, now I rarely see or hear from my daughters/grandaughters.

Well done Daphne for broaching the subject, that took some doing I would think.
Agree with others, enjoy life with your partner and have fun.
Jinglebellsfrock, of course we embarrass our children, I remember my daughter and her friend hiding behind racks of clothing when I was complaining in M& S. And as for Dad dancing well ......

Sorry I have been unable to reply before now.
I have read all your welcome replies, and I must say, to realise that others (many others) are in the same boat is a comfort - it seems more common than I thought, so now I don't feel so unique. It was upsetting to read that others are having even worse experiences.

Some good news, my son and dil have had words with the gcs, and there has been some improvement. I think the parents were shocked that I mentioned this - no one wants to think their children are rude, so maybe it was an eye opener to be told this. Will have to see how it pans out, but hopefully, things will get better.
I take the point that we are maybe too wrapped up in their lives, and that we cannot live through them.
Must learn to expect less and maybe, will get more - or expect nothing and then should at least, get something!

As long as my children and grand children are fine and just getting on with their lives i dont worry. I try to see them once a fortnight and contact them on face book but i have accepted that weekly visits for 'Sunday tea' like years ago have long gone. My daughter and i message each other most evenings. I have my grand daughter this Friday overnight and one of my sons is bringing his girlfriend round for a cuppa Saturday afternoon. Last week i went to Rome for a city break with my daughter as well. I just feel that if they need me they know i will be there otherwise i get on with my life, i have friends, play bowls, love my garden and home and i suppose i am quite self sufficient really and may be a little selfish as i dont want to be catering every weekend for 'duty' visits. The one person that would break my heart if she didn't stay in contact would be my sister, she is my link to the past with our parents and i love her with all my heart!!!!!

daphne I am feeling like this a bit too. I think many parents of our age group feel like this. Our children are not interested in our lives or in spending time with us. It's very hurtful. In my case it has caused a lot of problems between me and my DH and he hasn't been well so I'm trying to forget it and get on with our own lives. It's not easy though. I agree with many of the comments above. I have been a doormat in the past, time to get up of the floor. I very much agree with the me, me, me generation comment above, although I have to say our granddaughter would never ignore us.

I feel for you - you try your best and try and keep the family close and I hope you can take some comfort from the fact that you are doing your part in engendering that family feeling. Don't forget - this is the me, me, me generation which has filtered down to their children - your grandchildren. Do your own thing now and then - don't be a doormat.

Sadly seems that you are both low in Endorphins etc (feel good hormones that our bodies produce). Affirmations may help. Some time enjoying your own hobby / hobbies, shared hobbies, getting outdoors for a walk etc may be of benefit to you. We are living our life, possibly carrying out Responsible tasks, when these are for others it is nice, Respectful etc to express Gratitude. Seems that there is a culture of Self Preservation, Self Centredness etc nowadays. Especially in comparison to previous Decades etc.

I believe that Relationships, Interactions, Team work etc should be Discussed from babyhood through Nursery, school, University, Work places etc. As Respect, Self Esteem, Reciprocation etc are Valuable. Kindness and Consideration are Morals which would be reinforced in the past. Now it seems "Self" and "Competition" are to the forefront :- Sad, as we are Sociable Beings and it is "nice to be nice" and it is Good for the Health of Individuals and Society.

Best Wishes to you both. Be Kind to yourselves. Find the valuable relationships and encourage them to grow.Pets sometimes can help, as they are so loyal. If a friend has a dog, maybe you could spend some time in their company. Dogs can be great at being friendlyetc.

Keep us up to date on how you are. Best Wishes.

make the most of spending time with your husband - you deserve some reward for the years - value your time together. when my husband was alive his daughter & grandchildren were frequent visitors to our house (they lived about 20 mins drive away). my step-son lived nearer with his girlfriend & grandchildren lived closer & shopped about 5 mins away - they rarely called to see us (I no longer have any contact with him since his father died). last year I moved to be nearer my daughter & her family - I don't see a lot of them but my daughter's partner is disabled & my grandson is 6 so between school + other activities I fully understand. I cannot think that my grandson would ever not greet me if I met him from school - when I had a hospital appointment & then back to their house for a coffee he was so excited he even told his teacher & friends - so I think your grandchildrn need a gentle reminder about manners. My grandson is always telling me he loves me & that I'm his favourite Nanny (he's no little angel in fact he can be a real scamp but I love him. familyshould be all about give & take. hope things get better daphne907

Oh Daphne, a big hug from me also.

I have been a lurker on here for a very long time now but your post has touched a chord with me.

Nothing to add to the good advice already given, but thinking of you and the other lovely grandparents here and wishing for better times to come x

Just got back from looking after my twin grandchildren . One was attached to her iPad for the whole time , hardly spoke to me and refused to stop watching . The other wanted me to play football penalties the whole time ! When DS got home the iPad was confiscated and twin had an absolute fit - much to the delight of the other one ! I agree our children and families are so busy and we feel unappreciated for what we do , but how many of us had to both work full time to keep a roof over our heads? I only had to work part time to buy school uniforms etc ,holidays and activities when our children were small. And yes my mum helped me out . Things have changed so much. Our children only have weekends to do chores,family visits and be with their children .DS brings work home every evening and is often away for work, and self employed DD is returning to work as a childminder 6 weeks after the birth of her second child . SiL is also self employed so had one week off ! My DH says I'm too much at their beck and call ,but whilst I am fit and able I will help all I can . Life is tough for them .

It's sad when we feel taken for granted I would try to do more go places and generally make a life of your own maybe not always being available when they want you might be a good start sometimes young people like to think they invented having a busy life.

Daphne. If you can afford a holiday then take one and only let them know a few days before so they have to make other arrangements for "child pickup." Dont feel guilty about it either. They have more years than you to live so make the most of the years you have. Do you give your GCs pocket money say on a Friday for the weekend ? Most kids are mercanary so that should go down well. But a holiday should be your main priority IMO anyway.
Good Luck.

I live 300 miles away from my daughter and her family ( husband and 2 young sons ). I visit them as often. as possible as really enjoy it and think they do too. I travel via the coach which takes 8 hours on the coach but 2 hours on a bus to get to coach station. Sadly I haven't been since February. My daughter ( they both have cars ) haven't been to visit me in 7 years ! Then says last week I haven't been for awhile.

Virtual hugs here too. . The grandchildren need a lesson in manners methinks! I've felt the same way myself with certain family members but I think the best advice is to get on and enjoy life with friends and OH.

I do love Gransnet. Often I've read a thread and thought I was the only person feeling a certain way then I find that there are others feeling the same, it's not just me...hurray!

On the other side, I've often laughed out loud at some of the comments. Keep up the good work Gransnetters.

Lindill41 "I force myself on them occasionally"

Well done. Keep it up.

Flowers, hugs, sunshine, wine, gifts coming your way. And you're not alone! Good luck with it all. I'm going through a difficult time with my daughter, so (selfishly) I find it comforting to know I'm not alone.

Got one daughter who does and one who doesn't . We wanted them - they owe us nothing. I force myself on them occasionally. Be there when you're needed. Must admit I used my mum when kids were young. Want to apologise but she's no longer with us. Shrug your shoulders and get on with your own lives.

Such a good post Synonymous, it says everything that needs saying.

I don't condone rudeness in families but it isn't just the last 2 generations this neglect applies to. They are just more open about it. My mother often talks about the 'duty' visits they made to their parents every 3 weeks. Not much love and friendship there then.

You are certainly not alone! Take what you will from the relationship and give what you are happy to but also don't be a door mat and enjoy some lovely special times that make you happy. I am sure they love you, it's just the way life can be these days. I honestly think my kids would be devasted if they knew how sad and lonely and neglected I feel at times. I think most families are like it, particulary, in my opinion, where it's our sons who have a wife and family.,