Am I right to feel miffed

opeless I'm glad things are sorted now, it will be a weight off your mind.

Wouldn't it be good if we could look at the things our friends do when they aren't with us and think "I hope they are happy and enjoying themselves", instead of thinking that they have in some way rejected us by not doing whatever it is with us. Try to be happy for your friend Op and plan another trip together. Maybe all 3 of you could do something.

I go on holiday with a widowed friend, but she goes with other friends too , and I feel she 'shares herself out' so as not to be a burden on any one friend (she couldn't be a burden if she tried and holidays with her are a joy )
She's lovely, thoughtful and kind hearted .
Hopefully your friend is trying hard too, and just hasn't realised how much she's hurt you. Perhaps she couldn't remember who suggested it .

I'm with jingl on this subject.

Just to let you all know the conclusion to the story. My friend was in a much better frame of mind when I saw her this week. She brought the subject of the hastily arranged trip up. It seems she felt bamboozled into this coach trip as the second friend had turned up with all the paperwork for the hol, got her to ring the kennels and said "we can do this, it's what you need" several times! First friend said she said she knew she wasn't ready, it didn't feel right,she felt very vulnerable that day, but agreed as it was the easier option that day because of how she felt. First friend was able to have a good chat with me this week, said booking it had worried her, but hadn't felt able to express her true feelings when she saw me as she had had a very bad few days, which I could feel at the time and didn't pursue it further than I did that day. We both agreed that coach trips really weren't the second friends 'thing' normally, and had never mentioned Scotland previously, though of course,no reason why she shouldn't, it's a very beautiful area.It occurred to me later, that I had mentioned this possible trip to two or three people I was chatting to at first friends husband's funeral when we were talking how we we could help widowed friend, and second friend was sat on the table, though talking to others at the time( I am making it clear she wasn't excluded in any way, it was a big table with lots of people on it.)Was a seed sewn then? Don't know, it doesn't matter now, the air has been cleared, but I naturally have concerns about first friend going away if she isn't ready, but trying to allay her fears and have a bit of a joke about it, with the option to cancel if she really can't face it, though hasn't mentioned this to second friend yet.Trip is another few weeks away yet, so second friend may be long sighted and it may be exactly the right thing. Meanwhile, first friend and I are planning a trip next spring, lots of options, Scotland just one. Thanks all gransnetters once again, whether or not I agree with your comments on not, they are always interesting, or helpful, or make me feel I am a bit over sensitive, though not always!

Just let it go.

Hi, Opelessgran15, there is a doctrine that says "Couples leave single girls alone".

I really can't see why you are so bothered, is it the rejection or the thought that she preferred her company to yours.

I don,t understand anyone who has posted that they would have been hurt/annoyed in the same situation.
It wouldn,t occur to me to feel anything ,other than hoping that her trip my help her cope with her grief,

I need to edit! Please ignore the 5 words after the first full stop!

I would have initially felt hurt. Your other friend may have However Scotland is a big place with many different interesting and beautiful possibilities for a visit. Try to move on so you don't miss out on having a lovely trip in the Spring with your friend to anticipate and plan.
Your idea may have prompted your friend to look beyond her grief and, while not at all belittling it, decide to embrace life.
A Grans Netter I met was prompted by her terminally ill husband to travel abroad and pursue an interest after his life was over and not feel guilty about it. He appreciated how much she was (willingly) missing out on during his illness, she appreciated his thinking of her future without him. What a wonderful relationship they had.
I've just seen your second post! Have a lovely trip, you're clearly a kind person and a good frien! ?

grannylyn65 sadly not

PS Thankyou for the flowers Linco56.

Thanks for all,your comments as usual, I felt much comforted by the majority views, but take on board everyone's comments. I think it was It was more the enthusiasm with which my friend greeted the idea ( we are quite close and see each other very regularly) and said it had never occurred to her to do a hol like that, and would look forward to us going when she felt better ( she has been agonising over several ideas, not just holidays), so we left it that we would have a look at them over the next few weeks and decide. It was the way she slipped it into the conversation that it had been booked when I next saw her, and yes FarNorth and f77ms , quite right she can take hols with whom she chooses and when she likes as I do and will. I was the fact that the other friend has never expressed any interest in either Scotland or coach hols, in fact from what I remember rather looked down her nose at them.Perhaps my suggestion was mentioned in passing and it went from there. Hey ho ,I have decided I will suggest somewhere else when she is in a less vulnerable frame of mind.....anyone else fancy a girly trip to Scotland?!!

I don't understand all the hurt feelings being talked about here. It's not as if the holiday has been booked for the same time you suggested.
If your friend wants to have a break fairly soon and has someone to go with her, where's the problem?
The last thing she needs is to have to deal with hurt feelings of a miffed friend.

Maybe I am odd but I would not have been offended by this in the slightest . She perhaps wants to go away before next year and with another single person . It was nice of you to offer to take her with you and your H but it may have been a bit awkward for her . Perhaps she needs a `girly ` few days away . I really don`t know what the problem is about her going away , she is an adult and can do what she likes . If it offends you then don`t offer again .

Sounds as though the other friend has pushed herself forward. Maybe your friend felt pushed into a corner. I have mentioned on here before how I felt sorry for a recently widowed friend and said if she fancied going out for a drink and a chat sometime to call me. She did and on one of these occasions she said to me 'Since J died, I have been socialising with people I would never of dreamt of going out with before, no offence'
SOME TAKEN My DH says 'I wonder if she would have done it for you - I think not' I put it down to the state she was in at the time, DH isn't so sure!

Well I would have made a mental note not to ask her again. I would have booked the holiday as planned, and gone by myself

Willow, hope you are included in OH trip!!

I can understand your feeling upset, but I would leave it and say nothing. As you've said, she is vulnerable at this time and I think she will need the support and company of all her friends. Possibly she needed a break before next Spring and this other friend offered.

She has said she wants to go with you too sometime, so perhaps you and she can firm up the arrangements for next March when she returns.

Try not to see this as a rebuff. Friendships are rarely exclusive and she will probably be feeling lonely and in need of all the company and friendship she can get.

Console yourself with the fact they'll be eaten by midgies in September....March is far better! Chin up and smile. You sound like a good friend whose feelings have been a little bruised. Have these

I said that and yes, I am making a judgement about the friend, but that's where the conflicting feelings come in. You feel what you feel, but you can still have some understanding of why the friend did what she did. You don't have to deny your own feelings, just think about the other person too. Hope this makes sense. At the end of the day, because of the friend's circumstances you have to accept the situation and wait to see how things go on.

Wilma, some see it as a slap in the face, this does seem s judgement of the friend

I was just wondering. When you first broached it with her, had she already booked the September holiday but just didn't mention it at the time? You were talking about next spring, after all. Or did she just mention the idea to her other friend after talking to you, who thought, good idea, and went off and booked it? I can't see too much to be hurt about. The September holiday is not far off and she feels she needs the break. I'm sure she is grateful to have the other option with you next Spring. I wouldn't feel too upset. Just be pleased for her that she's trying to get her life back, and then both of you can talk about exactly where you will go together early next year. I can understand how you feel, but I can see how she wants to move on too.

I would feel a bit miffed about it too - I can't help feeling miffed my OH decided on the spur of the moment to jet off to the other side of the world for 2 weeks holiday without really discussing it with me! However in your friend's situation I think it's probable that she's just mentioned it to this other friend who has perhaps thought it was a good idea to take her away from her surroundings for a break. You've spoken to her about it so I would just wish her a great holiday and say that when she gets back the pair of you can plan another break later in the year and carry on as normal.

Was the other friend perhaps a widow too?.
She is recently widowed so decision making may be quite difficult for her.
I would also suggest that she needs something to help her now while we have some sunshine.
Wish her a nice time,she will likely have a lonely Xmas and will be more than happy to have a spring trip to look forward to.

Annie yes, maybe that's what happened. Nobody is saying they know what the friend was thinking. The OP is just sharing her feelings and asking if she's being unreasonable. She has acknowledged her friend's loss, she's not disregarded it.