Coping with anxiety

This may sound silly Lindill49, but are you anxious about anything else? I know that if I am worrying about something major I will displace that by worrying about other things - my husband is not well at the moment and I find myself worrying about things that never bothered me before. I think that this is because I'm trying NOT to worry about my husband's health.

I don't know how often you see your son/daughter but what about telling her not to tell you about these trips until your gd is home again. My parents were very anxious about me taking a balloon ride, as I was a single parent, and if anything happened to me my children would be orphans. They didn't want me to go. I understood their fears but that could happen crossing a road so I told them when I got back and explained my reasons. Everything was fine.

Also when my youngest daughter went out with her partner for a few drinks she would ring me up to tell me she loved me. I could tell she had been drinking and I was beside myself with worry until I spoke to her the next day. So I asked her not to ring me in that situation and it's been fine ever since. Knowing that her partner would look after her didn't make any difference.

It's just not worrying you unnecessarily that's the point. I'm sure if you explained how you feel they would understand.

HiLindill49

Maybe you should speak to your GP - you could be suffering from 'generalised anxiety disorder'. This happened to me a few years ago despite the fact that I get up to all sorts of adventurous things myself - white water kayaking, riding lunatic horse etc. In fact I started to worry about myself because of how upset other people would be if something happened to me!
You can read about GAD on the nhs website: www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Anxiety/Pages/Introduction.aspx

If these are new feelings, I think you should talk to your GP (especially as you are feeling so terribly tired which can cause you to be emotional) and maybe self refer to Time to Talk if they have one in your area. Very often they have workshops on mindfulness which helps you deal with anxiety and/or one to one sessions. It's really worth checking out.

I think this is a technique sometimes used in CBT etc, peaceatlast.

I was advised once when having panic attacks to just 'go with it' and let it wash over me. Of course the worry is that it will go on forever but of course it doesn't. I don't think your mind or body could be in that state permanently and eventually it subsides.

I don't think this is a solution but it's a technique worth trying. It also depends of course on where you are at the time. I managed to do it at home but if you're at your desk at work or in the supermarket it's a bit tricky.

Some wonderful advice here, but I would also echo the suggestion that what you don't know won't hurt you.
Your daughter cannot possibly realise the depth to which you worry about risks, or she wouldn't have told you.

I am pretty sure my daughter has hidden worrying things from me when it wasn't essential that I knew.

Please don't take this the wrong way but are you forcing anxious situations upon yourself by needing to know your family's every move? Can you relax if you don't know what they are doing?
When you were busy with work, I am sure work took up more of your thoughts, hopefully you can find other activities too that will distract you, once you have been helped to settle.

Re exercise, I have osteoarthritis as well and can't walk very far at all, but I cycle.
As my balance is poor, I use a trike, an adult's tricycle. It's fantastic and helps me tremendously.

I think it's normal for a loving, "giving' kind of woman to be anxious - even sometimes a bit over anxious possibly, about their grandchildren, especially as they can travel more today than years ago. My 3 have just spent a month in Taiwan - was I anxious - you bet!!! But Facetime and Skype help a lot! I think there is a mixture of things here: going to the doctor gets you into the physical, medical angles with pills etc. You may not want or need that route. You had a busy life and now you don't - why? You say your husband is sympathetic, but does he LISTEN to you and does he really communicate? Are you fixating on your grandchildren because there's not much more to do or talk about? Spend time out of the house, exploring your own interests, live your own life and really let your anxiety be expressed to someone in a confidential way - say a professional counsellor.
When we stop working, we are left with a husband we spend all day with (we didn't when we worked) and both persons are getting on in years - so we are changing and some change more than others!!! Examine honestly the communications at home and they may not be great so it's easy to fall back and get a fixation on worrying.

When I was twelve my friends and I were allowed to hire a rowing boat at the harbour. We rowed over to the rocks and picked up some other friends. The boat owner was yelling at us! I couldn't swim and was lucky we didn't capsize.I had so many scrapes in my youth I'm surprised I'm still here!

On Friday my four year old GD is going to the beach with her Nursery. Yes, I worry, but not as much as the OP seems to be.

Try A Vogel Menopause Support - they have restored me to being the normal, sane person I was 5 years ago!! Their website offers straightforward advice which covers all the symptoms of the menopause - and others you didn't realise you had. I am a new woman!

I'm sorry you are so upset Lindill49, but crying about something which hasn't happened and about world events, terrible though they are, does seem a bit extreme. Can your granddaughter swim? I hope that a visit to your GP would help your anxiety.

I feel the same about things BUT we have to consider the other side of the coin too,would we want our loved ones to live lives devoid of all adventure?

Can she swim, if not get her to lessons, can she do first aid, if not send her on a course,martial arts and then driving, it is a scarier world we live in than it was, but give her as many skills and as much confidence as possible to deal with it.

I'm sorry you are feeling so anxious Lindill49. I think anxiety creeps in along with age in some people. It could be, as someone said, the fact that we are constantly bombarded with terrible news, and also we are not usually as busy with careers and bringing up children, so we have more time to reflect on things that we might have given momentary interest to when we were younger. But be assured your granddaughter will be safe with the people responsible for her. The thousands of school/club trips where everything goes perfectly fine are never reported in the news but they happen all the time.

In my experience accidents are more likely to happen when we are not doing something obviously dangerous. If there is danger involved then greater care is taken, everybody is on the watch and safety rules are more likely to be followed.
I do agree that when my precious kids and grandkids are flying I can't wait to know that they have arrived safely but that's because of my own fear of flying. They all have a great time.
Our last accident in the family happened in the park after a wet spell . Our 22 month old was running in his wellies just ahead of his mummy, saw a muddy puddle at the side of the path and did a gleeful Peppa Pig dash for it and jumped. To my daughter's horror he all but disappeared into a deep hole full of muddy water. I had an SOS to drive to the rescue with a complete set of clothes, towels and the like. Thankfully his head had remained out of the hole as the clothes were caked with reddish brown mud and I could never get them really clean.
I am forever climbing ladders and getting grumbled at but two years ago, walking slowly on carpet at home, I dropped to my knee for no reason that we can be sure of and broke my lower femur very badly into many pieces. I still climb ladders and still get grumbled at but up a ladder I take great care and that's the difference.

I have read all the advice and suggestions with great interest
I am now going to have a rethink of my anxiety issues
I am going to read up on GAD and mindfulness
Just the other day someone told me to let thoughts 'go' and 'let them wash over me '.
Not to try to block them out

My son who lives a quite distance away from us, tells me that my little GS has had his injections after the event
This is a better way for me to deal with it!
Thank you for the thread
I hope it has been of some help to you Lindill

Lindill ... you're not boring anyone. And depression is caused by the chemical balance in your brain being disturbed, not necessarily by events. Please, please, see a doctor - I've been depressed clinically since childhood and when I'm able to come off medication I now know to get right back to the GP & my psychiatrist as soon as YOUR worry symptoms crop up. Will have you in my prayers.

I think it's normal to be anxious about loved-ones welfare, but this seems to be a problem or you wouldn't have put it on here. I agree with the others - this isn't right and you said it's not normal for you. I know you said you have no reason to be depressed, but depression isn't like that and, in my experience, it often brings anxiety with it. Maybe a trip to the doctor or even a chat with a friendly practice nurse might help?
The other thing is that trying not to think can be self-defeating. Maybe allow yourself a 'fretting' time, then when that time is up, do something else, but accepting that the worry is still there - just that you'll deal with it later.
Yes, I am speaking from experience and, yes, I know it's not easy. Hope it helps a bit though.

Lindill....I hope that all that has been written will be of help to you.
It's an age thing coupled with not having a job to occupy your mind with. So maybe trying another interest to occupy your mind will help....and certainly not watching the news is a step in the right direction.
All Good Wishes to you.

Agree that maybe you need to seek medical help. If as you say you are feeling your age it sounds as though you are often tired, aches and pains and this awful worry that you have, could be an under active thyroid. I remember feeling like that before I wad diagnosed, even bus tingling into tears in a shopping centre because I couldn't find my husband and thought he had had an accident? Worth getting it it checked out. Good luck

Lindill49, I am with you all the way. I think I worry more about my Grand-children that I did with my own kids ! If one of them goes on a school trip I am anxious all day and I have never admitted it before, sometimes hope they will have a cold or something and not be able to go. I recognise myself in you so much. I also think that a lot of people feel the same but just don't admit it. They style it out and say all the right things, but inside they feel just as you do. But, at the end of the day, common sense rules. We know that our kids have to go places, and as long as they are properly supervised and looked after, we just hope that sensibility reigns and everyone does the right thing and is safe. I always try to keep myself busy at such times, go off out to the shops where there are lots of people and hustle or bustle, or I get out my sewing machine and try to lose track of time. I know, as well as you do that these outings and having other people responsible for your family is going to increase the older the children get. It's just your 'achilles heel' and we have to accept it, go with it, and welcome them back with open arms and plenty of listening as they tell you about their day. Let us know how you coped and how everything went. I too read about sad things all the time and it does affect the way we think about the world, but keep busy, go with the flow, you are not alone in this.

What a lot of great advice mindfulness is a good way of relaxing when you get a bad thought think of somewhere you like and let a memory of that takes its place best wishes lindill

I felt like you Lindill49 and was fearful every day for my grandchildren. I had a course of Cognitive behaviour Therapy and I am now much better. Your doctor can refer you.

Last week, on granny duty, I had to accept that my GS (11 tomorrow) was allowed to go out on his bike to play with friends at one of several parks in the town. He always had his phone with him as had his friends; friends' mums kept in touch when he arrived and when he left. Mobile phones are a great help in keeping tabs on our GC. What is more, his mum has worked out how to track his i-phone on hers so, as long as he has his on him, she knows where he is. Clever, eh? I didn't worry about him as he has good road sense and has been well trained by his dad. My advice to you, Lindill is to learn to trust your GC and, moreover, the 'responsible adults' to whom you refer in your OP. Were you like this with your own children? Cast your mind back and think about it.

My eldest daughter died (aged 30) recently, since then I worry sick and fret about my other daughter and now my new baby grandaughter, like you end up in tears even if she has to drive for a couple of hours thinking she will have an accident, already worried about safety for the baby. I went to a mindfulness course and can thoroughly recommend going, they will teach you coping strategies, which has helped me so much, please investigate courses in your area! thoughts are with you xxx

Lindill, I know just where you are coming from. Amongst my grandchildren, I have three young girls who are extremely active and I worry about constantly, although I try not to let it show. I think you are more worried because your granddaughter is going away somewhere unusual, and this puts you out of your comfort zone. Like others on here have mentioned already, she will have a wonderful time, and be full of all the things she got up to. It's natural to worry, but you also need to accept that your little granddaughter is growing up. I take comfort in mentally putting an invisible shield around each of my grandchildren (that takes a long time, as I have 12!) each night, and saying a little prayer that they are all safe. That does help me control my worries. I strongly believe in unseen forces able to protect us when we need it.

I'm beginning to feel the same way, Lindill, not just about the GC but about life! - and cry at the drop of a hat. My life's as good as it's been for years, but there's always that sense of doom waiting in the wings. . . . I'm trying all the usual stuff - fresh air, exercise, good meals and social contacts - but I know that it's the old 'black dog' come to visit again. I'm off to the GP next week to get back on the anti-depressants. Life's too short to be so down and so anxious about things we can't control. My mind knows that the feelings are irrational - but feelings are feelings and we can't help having them. I honestly think that chemical changes in the brain can produce negative feelings. (I remember clearly how hormones upset my equanimity around menopause - thank heaven for HRT!!) The world is a wonderful place, but the media would have us believe otherwise - goodness only knows why! Yes there are dangers, but if children are given the right tools to cope and learn who they can ( and can't) trust, things should be well. Anxiety, like stress, is necessary to the human condition, but only if it's appropriate. Distract yourself while your DGD is away - worry uses energy needlessly and to no avail. Do something you enjoy and be good to yourself.