Coping with anxiety

Lindill the tiredness needs checking out, as Gracesgran has said there could be all sorts of physical causes which in turn are impacting your mood, or your mood could be impacting your physical wellbeing. Whichever way it is it won't help with managing your concerns about your granddaughter. Of course its natural to have some concern, anxiety is part of being human and it can keep us safe, but this does sound to be difficult to manage and the fact that you are uncomfortable about it indicates a doctor's advice is a very good plan. Don't be worried about telling your doctor, a GP is very used to hearing about overwhelming anxiety and can suggest a number of management strategies. Lack of confidence seems to go with the life changes that come with stopping work. You aren't at all unusual. Chin up. Your granddaughter will be fine and it's OK to get some help for yourself. Please keep in touch, tell us how you get on.

Lidill49 please go to the doctors and ask them to give you a thyroid test. I was falling asleep at the drop of a hat and running out of energy. I was also anxious as a side effect. As far as I can see it is pretty common and it is very easily treated so worth checking up on. Personally I think they should do the tests on a regular basis so I am a bit evangelical but because I was my daughter found out she is Hypothyroid too and so is her friend.

x post cornergran sorry.

Yes, it sounds as though the excessive worrying is a symptom of something else going on in your life. Please go to the doctor and, while you're there talk to him/her about getting some cbt for your anxiety. Whilst I don't believe cbt is the answer in every case, I DO think that it is very useful for controlling your reactions to situations that are making you anxious.

gracesgran .

Hi lindill
I experience a similar type of anxiety.
I never worry about myself
Only about my family
Well done for keeping it to your self
My DD actually said that she was becoming anxious through my anxiety
So I try to be positive when I'm with her
But I do ask family to text me when they get home or are traveling a distance
Which they always do.
My sister says that you would have unglue my mobile from my hand as I am on constant alert
I worry all the time about my GC.
'The 3am' is the worst.

I take Pregablin for nerve problem in my foot but it also helps with anxiety and can be prescribed by DR for anxiety
I find keeping busy helps
I also try to think things through using Logic
I no longer read newspapers. (Like you. I was finding content esp if was a story re children upsetting)
Likewise news on TV
I get info from teletext or even Gransnet.
You could also try meditation Exercise also helps. I swim when I can.
Sleep is a problem. When it particularly bad I take piriton.

As you have recently given up work then I think you probably have more time to think and the thoughts starr to gain momentum.
Distraction helps crossword or puzzles
Try GN games on other subjects

Good luck

You say you have no one to talk to about this,why not your OH? (You mention hubby)

I have just spent a week in France and wasn't looking forward to it as it coincided with the seemingly daily ghastly world news about terrorists, forest fires, horrible things happening on public transport, etc I had week news free as we didn't have internet access and we were in a remote mountain area. We were with friends and family and had a lovely time. Walking, eating and drinking and relaxing. The local people were lovely. I must say it put things in perspective, sometimes it's good not to have instant communication. When I was under 10 we played on a bomb site , climbing into derelict air raid shelters and riding our bikes round to our friends houses. We played in the river totally unsupervised. It was great. Your granddaughter will be fine, it's better that's she's outside having fun than stuck indoors. Maybe you should arrange to go out somewhere different yourself , so you can have a new experience to talk about?

We do get out quite a lot and have adventurous holiday in USA soon. I don't worry about myself I just can't bear the thought of anything happening to them. I imagine the most horrific things and have to try to blank my mind but images keep cropping up. Hubby is sympathetic but he doesn't have children himself. I need a strategy for coping.

lindill it sounds to me as if you are halfway there. Can you not displace the worrying thoughts with a mantra of sorts? You could even walk off and chant it out loud: "I trust the Universe". "God's in his heaven and all's well with the world". "Knit nine, purl three, slip one, pass slipped stitch over". Anything!

I do believe if you do this, that over time the anxious thoughts will lessen.

Lindill49 I think this is normal (if a bit out of control) :-
we as grandparents are not so much in control of their safety as we were with our own kids as we are now 'once removed' so although we are involved in our grandkids lives we are not in the driving seat
At the same time the world is definitely a less safe place than when we were growing up and so we have far more reason to worry we also have a lot more information at our fingertips and torrid pictures coming into our living rooms.
I also believe we do worry more as we get older we have seen more we know more dangers than when we are young and carefree
I don't think you need a doctor or to think you re depressed I think you are just a caring loving person who has let anxiety get a bit over used
How to overcome it, this is hard, but the way I do it (and yes I m probably as bad as you, my bloody imagination runs riot)
When they do something extreme a} concentrate on how excited and happy they ll be and think of how character building and fun for them Every time the scary thoughts come, I chase it out and replace it with their smile, this has to be done over and over the niggles will keep coming back. I also think about my grandad who at 16 altered his birth cert and joined up to fight in WW1 riding as a dispatch rider (messanger) up and down to the front line and returned with nothing worse than a minor wound. I also think of all the things they ve done and come home safely and lastly try to divert what youre doing get involved with something that needs your concentration
Good luck Lindi dont think of yourself as needing help it is all natural just need to find your ways of dealing with it It only happens becasue you love your grandkids and that ant be bad xx

Lindi - as outside listeners I think Gransnet posters are able to give an objective view on what you have posted; and to be honest (and from professional experience) I do think that your developing anxiety is now beyond the bounds of healthy and that you should definitely see your GP. I suffer from depression at times (like now, I am afraid!) and understand how difficult it is to see what is going on in yourself. Try the GP - CBT is ideal for the sort of catastrophising that you are finding a problem. Hope you will find the right help soon.

Very helpful posts - thank you everyone. I'm keeping busy today and trying not to think of anything at all!!

Exercise is known to help - it does not have to be excessive gym-type exercise but just a bit of a walk. Also yoga is good as it redirects some of the adrenalin to your muscles and also calms the mind. The key is not to let it get on top of you and to fight it, because your rational mind knows that it is illogical - harness that mind and not the worrying one!

I can relate to what you're describing Lindill49.

I have been dealing with anxiety for most of my life I realise now - for years and years I thought it was normal and what everyone experienced. I wish I'd realised sooner..

I've been having therapy for sometime and it has helped - not got rid of anxiety but put it in to perspective and made it more manageable.

But I would second (or third) exercise. I'm not good at exercising regularly but when I do it definitely helps. I just find it difficult to force myself to do something.

I am currently having a lot of anxiety problems (due to situation described in Relationships thread) and I'm having to remember all my old coping techniques (especially as my therapist is on holiday!). I am trying to swim most days and have also tried to cut out caffeine as I'm having a lot of palpitations (although I forgot this morning and bought a cappuccino!).

I would also suggest a trip to the GP - just to rule out a physical cause and also to find out what support is available.
Sending best wishes.

Lindill49 Go to your doctor, this is not normal anxiety it is a sign that you need help. I know! I have one big thing in my life which is causing me extreme stress at the moment but I am very sensitive to the news, jump at the slightest noise or sudden movement on TV. I know that all my senses are on hyper alert and you sound to me just the same. I also suspect you are playing it down, especially with those close to you.

You may have to go back to the doc more than once until they realise just how bad it is. They tend to give you the easy solution and wait to see if it works. Don't let it put you off. Good luck getting CBT, you wouldn't get it on the NHS here.

It is very reassuring to read all the posts from people who are well meaning but imo have never suffered like this. Lovely that so many really don't understand that keeping busy, having positive thoughts, remembering how resilient we are etc. can just make some feel worse because they try but fail, the illness doesn't take any notice. Mine is not a lifelong thing, triggered by one person but it has made my hypersensitive to everything.

Sending you understanding and sympathy.

I've got a teenage daughter who has just passed her driving test, and now she lets loose on the roads, never been so fearful for her

I would also suggest chatting this over with your doctor. Anxiety can be the first stage of depression so nip it in the bud. It is nothing to be ashamed about- we all get something like this at some time but deal with it before it becomes an issue. I speak from experience.

I understand how you feel and I do think we see the potential for 'danger' more clearly as we get older. However, with regards to feeling constantly tired and lots of aches and pains, have you ever had your thyroid levels checked? This is exactly how I felt before they discovered my thyroid levels were low - just a thought.

It is worrying when things are happening we have no control over and I know I do get anxious about my D and GS. I understand why younger people say don't tell mum she will worry. My D does share things with me and I know that helps her. I do worry but next time I speak to her she has usually resolved the problem

But you do need to see a. Doctor if your anxiety is so distressing it makes you cry. Someone mentioned cognitive therapy, a great idea and very interesting and helpful.

Also talking to people or sharing on Gransnet - a trouble shared is a trouble halved.

Like you Lindill I've become more anxious as I've got older, and news of children drowning in the sea and rivers doesn't help! Hope the responsible adults are all good swimmers, sorry I'm making things worse!
As a child my siblings and I were off all day playing in ponds and climbing trees and my own children used to go off with their friends to play in a brook three fields away. Never bothered me then and we nor they had mobile phones either.
Now though I worry about everything and I think it's partly because we're always being warned of the danger in everything, that and age. We're more aware of our own mortality.
Try not to dwell on the negatives, I'm sure your granddaughter will have a wonderful time and be perfectly safe.

I might be concerned if it was children on their own. However, you say there will be responsible adults supervising, so I'd be more relaxed about that. If you find you're getting anxious, e.g. frequently in tears about news items etc. perhaps a word with your G.P. would be helpful.

There are usually huge waiting lists for CBT, over a year around here, it may be better where you are , but a lot of the exercises are just training yourself to think differently about things so do look it all up online there may well be tips I have often used self help books and I know a lot of counsellors that use them too You ll get there

I don't think it's about 'control', Lindill, you can't force yourself through willpower not to feel as you do.

Acceptance might be one way to help: your feelings are painful and it's natural to want to escape from them. So you try desperately to push them away and not let them show. This can be exhausting and it doesn't work. So, be compassionate to yourself - observe your feelings; in a quiet moment when you are by yourself, say: Ah, I notice that I'm feeling very anxious right now....I know this feeling well. But it's OK; nothing has changed. I will wait for the feelings to pass....' or whatever feels right for you.
Imagine the anxiety as dark stormclouds passing overhead. They pass, as all feelings do, good and painful. Once you can accept that they are there, and learn to be with them, some of the sting will go.

I suffered with terrible anxiety for years, so I know how dreadful it can feel. Please don't think you're boring anyone - and be compassionate to yourself.

I suffer from all sorts of anxiety towards my children and grandchildren. Mostly I try to dismiss it but sometimes I think it through to envisage the worst case scenario and usually this process actually snaps me out of it, strangely.