Coping with anxiety

Lindill49, I think all grandparents worry about their GC`s. I fret more about their safety than I did my own daughters when they would play out without an adult to watch them. Times change, but now you`ve left work have you thought about a volunteer position in a charity shop or similar to keep you in contact with the "outside world". I help in our local junior school three mornings a week, listening to children read, helping with phonics etc, and I and a friend also teach sewing in school on a regular basis.. the children love it and are so keen to learn...it may help you to be with little ones and see how they all manage really well and are all safe away from home..just a thought !

Ah yes, 'books on prescription' should be available in most libraries, very popular when I last worked in a library, but you may have to ask staff of their whereabouts.

Try the Bach Flower Remedy Red Chestnut , available online or an independent health store( Boots and H n B only sell more usual remedies). Red Chestnut is for ' over concern for the welfare of others' . Won't interfere with any other medication, works as a vibrational medicine. It would be excellent for what you are experiencing, but I agree with others, if this sort of feeling keeps cropping up, see your GP. Older friends, and my sister who is 10 years older than me tell me that you get more anxious about things as you get older. My bete noir is Friday afternoon traffic... drivers with ' weekend/ hot date/ get home' looks emblazoned across their eyes. I feel uncomfortable driving, I have been tooted or cut up so many times, once in a side road as I came up to a junction someone overtook me and screeched in front.... It was a 30 mph limit, menaces! ( Took Rock Rose for terror after...!!)

Around here (Devon), your doctor can 'prescribe' various books that purport to help with depression/anxiety/related stress. They don't count as books taken out with your normal library ticket. Although I am currently OK, I have had periods of deep depression and anxiety in the past, so I took time to look at these books the other day; they are on a separate shelf to other books on the same sort of subject

I would agree that Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is really helpful. I got it through my GP. The therapist advised I have a wee box (either in my mind or an actual box) and put my worries inside and 'lock' it. I used an actual box and wrote down on bits of paper each of the worries that were affecting me negatively. She said I had to set aside a time each day when I would take the worries out and look at them. An hour at the most. If I could do anything about any of the worries I would do it. If not I could just think about them for a while then 'lock' them away again until tomorrow thus allowing me to get on with my life. It really worked!

Then rest easy and sleep well tonight Lindi

Thank you everyone - GD has returned safe and sound as you all predicted. Yes tifaney the news about the poor boy in Totnes was foremost in my mind. I just seem to go through all possible scenarios in my head. This thread has been a great help - I'm obviously not alone. I'll try out all the suggestions.

I can sympathise with your feelings of anxiety as I still have periods of great anxiety about children and grandchildren. When it was really bad I sought help though CBT therapy. Therapist said I was catastrophising and taught me how to put coping mechanisms in place. I would recommend CBT and also try joining a U3A. You won't then have time to worry as you'll have plenty to fill your mind.

I also have times when I weep about the awful things which could happen to my son and daughter and my grandchildren, it's like I can't protect them and what will happen to them when I'm no longer alive - which is daft as I can't do anything about their safety now either! Personally I've found homeopathy very helpful.
I would suggest you see a homeopath as this approach can help you emotionally and physically. Also have a look at the site www.thetappingsolution.com it's a great self-help method of relieving stress and letting go of painful experiences in a safe and appropriate way. I've used both these approaches and found them very helpful.
Good luck.

Cookiemonster so sorry to read of your loss.

Mine too, jingl. DD1 has a dangerous job and has been in some life-threatening situations over the years, and I know she hasn't told me the half of it. I don't worry because I can't let myself.

So my mantra (well, okay, Julian of Norwich's ) is all shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well.

I'm another one who worries more about the grandchildren more than I did with the children who were lucky enough to grow up in countryside they could go off and play in. I am sure with me its an age thing but also a control issue.

Dear Lindill49. I have only just read your message and it must have all happened by now. Please post that everything went well. I am not far from the river Dart at the moment and therewas something on the news yesterday about a young boy drowning at Totnes. Has this influenced you in some way and caused you to worry more?

Am I abnormal? Out of sight out of mind with my two!

It is an enormous help reading this. I hope Lindill is helped. My DGD is about to go to a middle school abroad. I had read about this school in the local paper when I was visiting a few years ago. There was some dreadful treatment of younger girls by older boys and it was quite a scandal. I have the most awful visions of what could happen to her and feel sick with fear for her. My dd and SIL are adamant that she goes there as it is the only school in her catchment area. Her friends are in another school as she was just on the border. I too weep at the news and have to ignore the tv. Maybe it's an age thing.

Oh dear, I'm a bit like you Lindill49! I seem to worry more about my Grandchildren than I did about my own when they were small! I also get upset about family problems, refugees, the world, wars, the environment, child and animal abuse....the list goes on.
HOWEVER ... I gave myself a good talking to and keep myself so busy with hobbies that I hardly have time to think. I don't know if this is a good thing to do or not but it keeps me sane.
I think the problem these days is that we know through social media what each other is doing minute by minute. I get constant updates about what the GC are up to. When my kids were small I lived abroad and sent my parents a letter each week telling them how we were and what we were doing.
As for bad things in the world - I do my bit by signing and sharing petitions about issues I feel strongly about and donate to causes when I can spare a bit. This does help and I have seen things change when lots of people make their views known. This is one thing social media is good for - people and internet power! It makes me feel I have done something to help.
I do hope that you too can find some way of alleviating your anxieties and living your life free from fear.

Hi I know exactly how you feel. I am the same I worry too. I think we worry more and see danger more than our daughters or sons do. I try to switch off I know I its hard but it will drive you crazy.

I'm beginning to feel the same way, Lindill, not just about the GC but about life! - and cry at the drop of a hat. My life's as good as it's been for years, but there's always that sense of doom waiting in the wings. . . . I'm trying all the usual stuff - fresh air, exercise, good meals and social contacts - but I know that it's the old 'black dog' come to visit again. I'm off to the GP next week to get back on the anti-depressants. Life's too short to be so down and so anxious about things we can't control. My mind knows that the feelings are irrational - but feelings are feelings and we can't help having them. I honestly think that chemical changes in the brain can produce negative feelings. (I remember clearly how hormones upset my equanimity around menopause - thank heaven for HRT!!) The world is a wonderful place, but the media would have us believe otherwise - goodness only knows why! Yes there are dangers, but if children are given the right tools to cope and learn who they can ( and can't) trust, things should be well. Anxiety, like stress, is necessary to the human condition, but only if it's appropriate. Distract yourself while your DGD is away - worry uses energy needlessly and to no avail. Do something you enjoy and be good to yourself.

Lindill, I know just where you are coming from. Amongst my grandchildren, I have three young girls who are extremely active and I worry about constantly, although I try not to let it show. I think you are more worried because your granddaughter is going away somewhere unusual, and this puts you out of your comfort zone. Like others on here have mentioned already, she will have a wonderful time, and be full of all the things she got up to. It's natural to worry, but you also need to accept that your little granddaughter is growing up. I take comfort in mentally putting an invisible shield around each of my grandchildren (that takes a long time, as I have 12!) each night, and saying a little prayer that they are all safe. That does help me control my worries. I strongly believe in unseen forces able to protect us when we need it.

My eldest daughter died (aged 30) recently, since then I worry sick and fret about my other daughter and now my new baby grandaughter, like you end up in tears even if she has to drive for a couple of hours thinking she will have an accident, already worried about safety for the baby. I went to a mindfulness course and can thoroughly recommend going, they will teach you coping strategies, which has helped me so much, please investigate courses in your area! thoughts are with you xxx

Last week, on granny duty, I had to accept that my GS (11 tomorrow) was allowed to go out on his bike to play with friends at one of several parks in the town. He always had his phone with him as had his friends; friends' mums kept in touch when he arrived and when he left. Mobile phones are a great help in keeping tabs on our GC. What is more, his mum has worked out how to track his i-phone on hers so, as long as he has his on him, she knows where he is. Clever, eh? I didn't worry about him as he has good road sense and has been well trained by his dad. My advice to you, Lindill is to learn to trust your GC and, moreover, the 'responsible adults' to whom you refer in your OP. Were you like this with your own children? Cast your mind back and think about it.

I felt like you Lindill49 and was fearful every day for my grandchildren. I had a course of Cognitive behaviour Therapy and I am now much better. Your doctor can refer you.

What a lot of great advice mindfulness is a good way of relaxing when you get a bad thought think of somewhere you like and let a memory of that takes its place best wishes lindill

Lindill49, I am with you all the way. I think I worry more about my Grand-children that I did with my own kids ! If one of them goes on a school trip I am anxious all day and I have never admitted it before, sometimes hope they will have a cold or something and not be able to go. I recognise myself in you so much. I also think that a lot of people feel the same but just don't admit it. They style it out and say all the right things, but inside they feel just as you do. But, at the end of the day, common sense rules. We know that our kids have to go places, and as long as they are properly supervised and looked after, we just hope that sensibility reigns and everyone does the right thing and is safe. I always try to keep myself busy at such times, go off out to the shops where there are lots of people and hustle or bustle, or I get out my sewing machine and try to lose track of time. I know, as well as you do that these outings and having other people responsible for your family is going to increase the older the children get. It's just your 'achilles heel' and we have to accept it, go with it, and welcome them back with open arms and plenty of listening as they tell you about their day. Let us know how you coped and how everything went. I too read about sad things all the time and it does affect the way we think about the world, but keep busy, go with the flow, you are not alone in this.

Agree that maybe you need to seek medical help. If as you say you are feeling your age it sounds as though you are often tired, aches and pains and this awful worry that you have, could be an under active thyroid. I remember feeling like that before I wad diagnosed, even bus tingling into tears in a shopping centre because I couldn't find my husband and thought he had had an accident? Worth getting it it checked out. Good luck