Holidaying with my daughter, son in law and 2 and half year old grandsons

On the other hand, maybe your daughter does genuinely feel a bit daunted and worried about travelling and coping with two little ones on holiday and would appreciate the help and support that her own Mum could offer. It that's that case, she should offer to pay for you to accompany them

Don't fall for the guilt trip. You've earned the right to go on holiday where you want, when you want, how you want. I think the parents have an agenda here - grandparent guilt, and probability of free baby-sitting when parents want to go off alone. Why do so many grans feel they have to fall in with everything the next generation demands at the possible cost of not seeing the grandchildren? We grow up and we move on. We develop new interests and new enjoyments. Don't fall for it!

And to make it worse they want to go next Sept 2017 and it's my big 60 birthday in November so as you can well imagine I want to do something spectacular like a Caribbean or Asia cruise. (smile)

I would thank her for asking you, explain that you love being around her kids but find other people's kids stressful but if in the future they were going on a holiday which was going to be restful for you too, you'd love to come. Tell her you hope that you hope they all have a lovely time with the other Grandmother and you can't wait to hear of their adventures when you get back. If it were me, I'd also tell them that my money at my age was finite so you have to pick and choose to get the best value out of it. Enjoy your cruise.

Part of the year I used to live in a flat overlooking the pool of a family friendly hotel next door in a resort area of Spain.
You're a sensible woman! Stick to your guns! Such places may well be the best option for young parents desperate for a kids' club, but for everyone else a noisy, restless environment - food geared down to fussy young eaters and meal times a parent/child battleground! Go for the cruise every time! From my observation, GM is often there to prevent the kids drowning, while fond parents snooze after too much sangria!

And who knows, maybe the other Gran will refuse too? The child-friendly holiday in the type of resort you describe sounds like hell to anyone of our age and an expensive hell at that. I hope you do refuse and look forward to that lovely cruise. A first cruise is very special and the Mediterranean is a good place to start. I hope you can bin the guilt, as someone suggested, and if Gran 2 does go, so what? She'll soon see, won't she?! I love spending time with "my" little ones but feel really exhausted afterwards and if yours are boys, they are usually very physical and more tiring, at least that's what I find. Factor in everyone else's kids and you have a bit of a nightmare on your hands. Spend the money on your second cruise next year, and meanwhile spend lots of time with the little ones, which will be more enjoyable than a week incarcerated in a noisy hotel in a place not of your choosing. Happy days !

Blimey, londongirl57's DD has got a bit of a flaming on here from some GNers! As far as I can see, the girl's simply asked her mum along on the family holiday (and if it would have saved her money and she's hard up, how sensible!). Mum's said no, as she is perfectly entitled to do, and feels a bit guilty, which she of course has no need to. There's no reason to think DD is slacking off, or taking advantage of the elderly, so why accuse her of it?

Thanks so much everyone.

Will be back here after my maiden cruise. xx

Thank goodness my DS and DIL hate holiday hotels as much as I do. We spent a lovely week in a Yorkshire cottage this year and have been to Spain but in a deserted Villa which suited us all, including my DGS and DGD. Someone once said Hell was other people's children and we are all agreed on that. DGS at airport commented "Why are those boys behaving like that I wouldn't get away with it!" About the family in front of us with screaming children!

Unfortunately, you will have to wait a few years before she "understands".

Mmm, sounds like they want free child-care, I would hate to be surrounded by other people's screaming children. Did our children behave this way, I don't remember any of them constantly screaming while playing, nor did they run around supermarkets as they do now. Londongirl, you have done the right thing, that is NOT a holiday!

I quite agree with you all. I like spending a holiday with the my family in a cottage but would hate to go to a child friendly hotel.The thought of hordes of unruly kids running around would be my worst nightmare !

Oh, I'd love to be invited on a holiday with my family even if it meant I was the babysitter. But I do understand someone not wanting to stay in a hotel like that. I'm desperate for a holiday somewhere hot and the S.O. doesn't like that sort of thing.

In a word NO you are not wrong. Unto yourself be true.

My idea of hell! Even looking at DS's holiday photos gave me chills. All that noise & other people's children & everyone drinking too much as it is 'free'? No thank you. I did however very nearly offer to go with DS this year as he was taking 3 of my GC away by himself. Luckily I resisted although I think he knew he would cope very well. He hardly saw them in the end - they are 8-12 years old- & they had a great time but he had more grey hair when they got back!
Give me a quiet Greek beach with no English accents to be heard if possible please. Although I do find that most GB people we meet on holiday are very nice & of the same mind - if not years- as us.We go out of school holidays.

Although I have to say some grandparents would LOVE to be invited on such a family holiday, some (like myself)would now prefer to spend what they have on a holiday of their own choice. A couple of times when my son and partner and kids were cash strapped in the past, I paid to rent a coastal property in England, but both sides mainly did there own thing as son and family just wanted to go to adventure parks and the like and one week we didn't even have a meal out together. But as for going abroad and spending a good bit of money on what is not your choice of holiday, no wouldn't be for me. As someone said the other grandma might be over the moon so then everyone would be happy.

Wise decision Londongirl57, DONT go and DONT feel guilty, just enjoy your freedom!

We have just agreed to go to Spain in December with my daughter, son in law, and four year old GD. We are paying our own way. I know we will babysit sometimes, but I fully intend getting time alone with hubby. I feel the OP is quite right to say no if she doesn't want to go. My hubby always says we don't have to say yes to everything. The other granny might say no too!

When we get to our age, I think it's time we did what pleases us. If you don't want to go on a family holiday, then don't. Life is short. Do what YOU enjoy doing.

If you don't mind a comment from a mum rather than a GParent.
A holiday should be about relaxation and enjoyment, take your holidays on your terms, as you say you have been there and done that! now is your time so unless you particularly want to go on family holidays you shouldn't feel guilty for politely declining. I have daughter who is just turning 2, we took her to Peppa Pig World in July, not really mine and my partners idea of fun but she loved it so that meant we did. You do these things as a parent but I wouldn't have expected my parents to come along, they already get bombarded with the Peppa DVD when she goes to visit

PS. I cringe when I look back to the time we were young parents. Every time my parents booked a holiday we said we'd come too! It never occurred to me that they might want to get away on their own. I even suggested our daughter slept in their room and our son slept in ours. How could I have been so thoughtless?

I really dislike the way ( some) adult children make us grandparents feel guilty if we don't immediately agree to do something connected with the DGC! I am sure your daughter is a lovely person however the fact that she has said she will ask the other granny suggests to cynical old me that she is looking for a babysitter. From my observations on recent holidays and from what friends and colleagues have said, it is clear that many parents invite us GPs on holiday to look after the children while they relax. My widowed brother was thrilled to be invited on holiday with one of his daughters plus SIL and 2 under 5s. They paid for the villa but he paid for his flight. Out of 7 nights he babysat for 6 plus got up in the mornings with them to let the parents lie in. Do not feel guilty Londongirl and enjoy your cruise!

Hi there, Cleverblonde. You sound like a very nice young woman. I wish you were my daughter in law.

I never expected my in laws or widowed mum to join us in child centred activities or holidays.

I once went with my mother and 3 lively boys to visit my aunt who lived by the sea. It was a day trip.

I couldn't not take them to the beach and mum who was in her mid sixties at the time did nothing but moan although the kids only had an hour on the beach and the rest of the day with auntie.

I've done my fair share of being nan at birthday parties in Play Spaces. It was only for a couple of hours so I enjoyed it.

I have a sister in law who told me "you really ought to go to Benidorm, you would love it, you can get a mobility scooter so you don't have to walk" I have known this woman for 50 years and she does not have a clue about my lifestyle. I do not do beach holidays, I stay in upmarket villas or if have to use hotels only 5* just as well she never asks me to join her on holiday.

Been there , done it , got the t shirt , I have had some miserable so called ,family hols .
Now do what I want to do !! Selfish perhaps , but very liberating.