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(15 Posts)
colournanny Thu 08-Sep-16 11:45:23

Morning, can anyone help me put my anxiety into perspective? wen my daughter was pregnant she was diagnosed as having placenta previa which resulted in her being hospitalised 7 times. On the last occasion she had to have an emergency section 8 weeks early where she lost 1/2 her blood volume. Baby needed resuscitating & taken to neo natal, I was away at the time & had a 6 HR train trip to get back home. Her consultant told her that if she hadn't been in Hosp there may have been a different outcome for her & baby .
All appeared well until baby was 8 days old when he became very unwell & had to b put on a ventilator & transfered to a specialist hospital. He had to have lots of invasive tests & found to have an infection . He has recovered remarkably well from this & now back home. My problem at the moment is that whilst all this was goin on I remained positive & reassuring for my daughter but I now feel so anxious. Very near to tears most of time & I don't want to be like this. I feel extremly lucky that my daughter is well & I have a beautiful grandson but just can't shift these negative feelings.
Can anyone give me any advice ?

fourormore Thu 08-Sep-16 12:10:02

Hello Colournanny!
Of course you are anxious - you are human! Your daughter and her baby are precious to you.
You have all been through a very stressful time and while everything was happening you were adrenelin-fuelled so you were on a sort-of auto-pilot and coping - there was no time to be aware of your anxiety.
Now that mother and baby are home and all is going well the adrenelin has dropped and you are feeling normal feelings again - hence the anxiety.
There is no easy solution - I've been there for a very different reason. All I can suggest is that (if possible?) you talk to your daughter as she could reassure you.
If that's not possible/feasible can you find a trusted friend or relative that you can offload on to?
I saw a counsellor as I had no one I could trust enough to confide in, so that could be another option for you?
Please keep in touch with us gransnetters - I am sure you will get other messages of

Christinefrance Thu 08-Sep-16 12:31:27

A very understandable reaction to all the stress you have been through colournanny. Find someone you can talk to about the anxiety but it is a natural reaction. Try and relax now and have some 'me ' time doing something you enjoy. Good luck to Mum and baby too.

Granny23 Thu 08-Sep-16 12:35:57

Colournanny I think you are having a totally normal reaction to not one but a whole series of very traumatic events with no time to 'get over' one before there was another crisis. Well done for being so strong and supportive when you were most needed. It is only natural that now, when life is on an even keel, all the suppressed stress and anxiety is coming to the fore.

Please talk to people (not your daughter) about your feelings and retell the tale as often as you need.

cornergran Thu 08-Sep-16 13:15:51

Just reiterating all the good advice from others. Of course there is anxiety , why wouldn't there be? Please do talk about it, don't bottle it up. Anxiety does fade but sometimes it needs a little help so it would be sensible to talk it through with someone, in my view not your daughter, your doctor would understand and depending where you live may be able to arrange a few sessions with a counsellor. If there is a good friend who would listen that's a good place to start. Don't forget we're all here. It will pass, try to have some relaxed time with your new little grandson and see he is thriving. Take care.

DanniRae Thu 08-Sep-16 13:16:55

Sorry to hear that you are feeling so anxious. In the past when I have been having a bad time I constantly tell myself that "This too will pass". And it always does. I wish you well and congratulations on your new grandson.

Newquay Thu 08-Sep-16 13:37:12

The Samaritans are very good listeners. . . .

BlueBelle Thu 08-Sep-16 15:52:15

Dannirae me too.
You know Colournanny our anxiety always comes out when the crisis is over as our adrenaline keeps us buoyant over the difficult patch So what you are feeling is all normal it will all settle down after you get a few good weeks with things stabilising Definitly talking helps and keep looking at the positive milestones coming up and enjoy the little man x

mrsjones Thu 08-Sep-16 16:10:46

My grandson was born premature and weighed 2lb. He has overcome various problems and has just started his first term at secondary school. He is now a cheeky, confident 11 year old.
It's natural to feel anxious but I am sure the worst time is now behind you and all will be well for the future. Good luck.

colournanny Thu 08-Sep-16 17:30:32

Thanku so much everyone for ur kind words & advice. I shall talk to close friends & may make app to c doc if that doesn't help. I'm trying to look forward now but st times I keep reliving all those phone calls & sitting with my very upset daughter. Must try not to keep looking back . Thanku again

Judthepud2 Thu 08-Sep-16 20:30:35

colourgranny you were there for your DD when she needed you and I'm sure she really appreciated your help. What a terribly traumatic time you have all had! Of course you are feeling a bit shaky. It is probably delayed shock. Do talk as much as you can about it to get these feelings sorted out. I agree with Newquay that the Samaritans are good listening ears. I was one once, and your distress is exactly the sort of problem the SAMs are very happy to talk with you about. They don't give advice, just a metaphorical shoulder to cry on.

Be gentle with yourself. I'm so glad your little GS and DD are well recovered. Enjoy your time with the little man. He is, I am sure, very special to you.

willsmadnan Thu 08-Sep-16 21:25:13

This sounds very trite, but you really need to put this behind you and look to the future. I know the worst time is when you wake up in the night.... with me it's around 4 in the morning...still dark, and getting darker before sunrise now.... ,I say ' Stop, stop, stop you silly woman'.Yes, I actually say it out loud sometimes...thank goodness there is no one to hear me....although sometimes I wish there was. I agree with Dannirae. It will pass. This time next year everything will have become family history that you will refer to when you get together.... hopefully with ' Gosh, how well we got through that.'
I suspect this is your first grandchild. Brace yourself.... life will throw so much at you with grandchildren. It will be a bumpy ride, but 'bon courage'.
Not too sure about the resorting to a counsellor. .. it isn't a such a serious problem, surely? Maybe you're worrying too much. Take a deep breath, step back ( I'm sure it won't be easy for you) but you are going to have many happy years enjoying your grandchildren.
Think back to when we were incarcerated in a maternity ward... breach births, forceps, haemorrhages , stitches from ' hole to breakfast time' , dragons of ward sisters who referred to you as 'mother XYZ' and made you feel totally inadequate and our mums ( well mine anyway ) sort of brushed it off. Not saying that was the right attitude but, I'm sure you went through that too. Does your daughter know how much you are suffering? I hope not because she doesn't need that pressure on top of a new baby.You need to be strong for her... may sound harsh but that's my two penn'orth for what its worth.


mcem Thu 08-Sep-16 21:43:30

Hang on in there- all will be well.
My daughter went through placenta praevia/ section at 35 weeks/ baby in NICU with pneumothorax for a week.
6 years on and we have a bright and bonny girl who occasionally asks to see her baby pictures "in a plastic box and with tubes up my nose"!
Now the trauma is over, allow yourself to relax and look forward to the time when you'll be able to accept it as a 'blip'.
Very best wishes to all of you.

colournanny Fri 09-Sep-16 07:50:40

I cert wouldn't mention to my daughter about how I'm feeling . My eldest daughter has a daughter who was 2 weeks late & weiged 9lb 5oz!!!
I think talking to friends will b a good help to me, they have been very supportive so far. Than X again ladies

M0nica Fri 09-Sep-16 15:57:48

colournanny if you are constantly replaying events in your mind, you may have post traumatic tress disorder (PTSD). I think a visit to your doctor is called for and explain about these 'playbacks', she/he should recognise the ymptoms of PTSD and put you on the right road to recovery.