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Grandchildren telling you what they want without being asked

(55 Posts)
ggmarion Fri 04-Nov-16 09:18:32

I have just had a text from my 17 year old granddaughter telling me that she just wants money for Christmas. She is otherwise well mannered, though I hardly ever hear from her. Her much younger brother also sent a text saying it is nearly Christmas but didn't say what he wanted. I don't know if my son knows about this, but in earlier years I did receive an email from my DIL asking me to send money for the DGCs Christmas presents. Had I asked what they wanted it would have been different. On the plus side, I don't have to spend time wondering what to get for them. Should I says something or just keep the peace?

Hunt Fri 04-Nov-16 09:26:00

how about...'' what a good idea, makes sense, then you can get exactly what you want.''

Elegran Fri 04-Nov-16 09:46:43

Why not send them money, and also a very small personal gift that you chose yourself? Then they have something to open and keep, and also money to buy something that they chose themselves, that won't getput into the cupboard and never looked at again. The best of both worlds!

It isn't worth making a fuss about imposing your choice on them now that they are old enough to have their own taste. That applies to gifts as well as to life-style choices.

Anya Fri 04-Nov-16 09:54:47

Well presumably you've asked them every year what they want, have you? So they're just pre-empting you this year. Shows initiative I'd say.

annodomini Fri 04-Nov-16 10:05:01

I'm sure she thought she was saving you the trouble of going shopping to find a suitable gift. I now assume that the GC like to have hard cash but usually find a 'wee minding' to supplement the money.

BlueBelle Fri 04-Nov-16 10:19:41

I don't really think that's that unacceptable she probably just got in a bit early, every year I ask the older grandkids ( well that's all of them now) what they want and the older they get it's 'money please' very boring for me I loved all the choosing but hey ho that's how it goes I couldn't choose anything now my taste isn't there's that's for sure
I don't even chance a small gift now even perfume or make up is the price of a house

annsixty Fri 04-Nov-16 11:24:33

I have given money to the parents to get what is wanted for some time now and it saves a lot of hassle for me. I find choosing and shopping a nightmare now.

jordana Fri 04-Nov-16 11:32:02

I just started a thread this morning asking if you give gifts or money. I think money plus a little gift is the best of both worlds. As for her asking to give money, well I think the youngsters are more practical. Rather than getting a gift that is put away I think money suits them better. I remember my gra daughter telling me "just keep the receipt gran I'll probably be taking it back"! At first I thought she was joking!

M0nica Fri 04-Nov-16 11:53:17

My DGC are still at primary school. I consult with their parents over suitable gifts so, so far, no direct requests.

But I always ask for wish lists from all family members, no promises they will get anything on it, but at least it makes sure that the presents bought are welcome. When I start asking DGC for them, it would not bother me if they send them to me before I ask. They will know that the request will come sooner or later

Beammeupscottie Fri 04-Nov-16 12:05:04

As Elegran says; do both. I buy my grandchildren a small present (jigsaw,games, toiletries) and include an envelope with the cash.
What did surprise me this year, was being told how much cash I was to give. I suspect eldest GS was egged on by his Mother to get me to contribute to some high-priced tech. stuff and what amount one gets, they all get.

Granny23 Fri 04-Nov-16 12:12:51

Now that 2 of my DGC are 9 they are too old for random toys but do want add-ons for their ongoing lego projects, bikes and their i-pads. All specialist stuff that only they know about. So it will be the usual pyjamas, jumpers and books + some hard cash for them and although DGD2 is only 7 she will expect to get the same as the older two.

A couple of years ago I gave all 3 purses with 5 £1 coins in and then let them loose in the pound shop. They still remember this as the best present ever.

AlieOxon Fri 04-Nov-16 12:29:59

I guess if you can ask Santa....

harrigran Fri 04-Nov-16 14:07:53

I get lists from DIL so that GC get the toys they want and I add some clothing of my choice. I do not give money as they get generous lump sums for their birthdays but I expect that will come when they are teenagers.

Thingmajig Fri 04-Nov-16 14:26:37

My DGD, almost 3, just wants a banana!!! grin

norose4 Fri 04-Nov-16 16:10:27

Hopefully the text was warm & polite in asking for money instead of a present, a text saying' I want money ' would get my hackles rising! 🤔

mumofmadboys Fri 04-Nov-16 16:53:42

Much better to give money rather than a present that is not really to their taste. I would let it go that they said money please before being asked and see it as a compliment that they felt able to tell you!

grannypiper Fri 04-Nov-16 17:17:15

i would text back " WELL HELLO THERE, HOW ARE YOU ? IT WAS A TREAT TO HEAR FROM YOU ! and then text a bit of general family news and finish with a question such what are you doing this weekend and i would even mention the "C".She may then get the hint that you are a bit peeved that the only text you have had is about money

Stansgran Fri 04-Nov-16 18:31:23

I would give an Oxfam present ,education for a girl,in her name. I'm afraid I would be very taken aback to be reminded that I was to give present, and to be told how much!

FarNorth Fri 04-Nov-16 18:46:18

Great idea, Stansgran.
If I was in close touch with a GC and they said "Oh, if you're thinking of giving me a Xmas present could it be money?" I'd have no problem.
But a straight request from a GC I rarely hear from would get me a bit miffed.

janeainsworth Fri 04-Nov-16 19:10:07

Are presents only to be given in return for receiving phone calls/emails/text messages?

Grannyben Fri 04-Nov-16 19:23:27

I doubt many people hear from their teenage grandchildren. I know my mum was exceptionally close to my daughter's when they were younger but as they hit their teenage years she was unceremoniously dumped. How the wheel turns, now adults they are once again close to their Grandma. I think children who feel secure in their relationship are most likely to come straight out and say what they want so why make them suffer what we feel is an ideal present.

Shanma Fri 04-Nov-16 19:55:55

I would find this very bad manners unless I had asked them to let me know what they would like. I would certainly pull them up on it, and possibly that year not get them a ything at all, but make a donation to charity, and tell them what I had done, and why.

Shanma Fri 04-Nov-16 19:56:06


norose4 Fri 04-Nov-16 20:15:47

Not saying I want to turn the clock back , but who remembers getting the annual of their favourite comic as a main Christmas present plus nuts an apple & an orange in the toe of their Christmas stocking ahh happy days 😄

Barmyoldbat Fri 04-Nov-16 20:30:14

My gd asked a father christmas, just a week before the day, for a Barbie Pencil Case Father Christmas replied she would certainly get one. Could we find one NO! so my son put an iou in her stocking explaining that they had run out and she would get one as soon as they had made some more. At Easter she recieved it, all wrapped in Xmas paper. Should be a law against telling children lies like that!