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Does he have a bit on the side?

(175 Posts)
NannieJulie Thu 01-Dec-16 22:49:51

Hubbie has been the nicest to me lately than all our married life. I put it down to the fact that he was getting wiser with age! Yesterday i found something on the floor where he gets changed. It was a torn off piece of cardboard that you get on a new bra with hanger and on the back was 'spirit' jaquered lace back in cream written in my husbands hand writing. I can 100% say this was not something he would be buying me for Xmas. My thoughts are he is buying it for someone else. What would you think and do?

aggie Thu 01-Dec-16 22:52:58

Ask him

cornergran Thu 01-Dec-16 23:01:28

Ask him, or forget it. Just don't drive yourself crazy about it. Wishing you well.

Bellanonna Thu 01-Dec-16 23:58:27

Well, a bit hard to forget. Yes I'd ask him.

FarNorth Fri 02-Dec-16 01:55:14

Yup, ask him, and if he doesn't have an answer but gets annoyed that you have asked and complains about you not trusting him etc, then he's definitely guilty.

grannyactivist Fri 02-Dec-16 02:07:15

Is it possible he's asked a daughter for lingerie buying advice so he can buy you something unexpected for Christmas? If, looking at the bra, you think it's really not for you then I'd be inclined to show him the link and ask him if it's something he thinks might suit you. He would be mightily uncomfortable at the 'coincidence' if he's up to something. Then I'd tell him outright what you'd found and ask him to account for it.

You may have to prepare yourself to hear bad news though.

Marmight Fri 02-Dec-16 02:38:24

I might wait until Christmas and if the bra is not forthcoming then ask him for an explanation. In the meantime try and concentrate on other things ....

suzied Fri 02-Dec-16 04:21:47

Have you kept the evidence? I bet you will now be hunting around for more clues. At least he's being nice to sorry you are in this horrible situation .

chelseababy Fri 02-Dec-16 06:45:21

If you ask him he could say he's buying it for you (however unlikely that may be). I would be looking for other clues. Apart from being nice to you, has his behaviour changed in other ways?

Anya Fri 02-Dec-16 06:50:53

Bite the bullet and ask.

f77ms Fri 02-Dec-16 07:02:02

When my X was up to something he suddenly got very particular about extra showering, used a mouthwash , wasn`t so scruffy ! Being a bit daft and trusting I didn`t put the two together until I found out what he had been up to . It sounds as if someone has looked this bra up on line and given him the details of it to buy for Christmas for someone (hopefully you) . I would wait till after and see if you get it , if not you can confront him with it and ask who it was for . Does he usually buy you underwear? Perhaps he is trying to spice up your marriage , hope this is the case xx

Bellanonna Fri 02-Dec-16 07:13:04

I don't quite get how his handwriting with details of the bra was on a piece of cardboard that apparently came with a bra? Have I misread something?

Grannyknot Fri 02-Dec-16 07:16:16

If he does have a bit on the side, £19 is not exactly splashing out, is it...

Also, careless of him to drop the label! Tsk.

I'd ask him.

cornergran Fri 02-Dec-16 07:43:01

Sorry nanniejulie, my original response was less than kind. Only mitigation is a lot of pain and no sleep the night before. I do still think there are only the two basic ways forward, but as others have said if you can wait until after Christmas time will give some sort of answer. I wonder if you have had other reason for suspicion? If not then try to distract yourself from your concerns, the more you focus on them the bigger this will seem. He may just be gaining in wisdom. If your doubts don't settle then all you can do is ask, maybe in an interested rather than cross way if you can manage it. Good luck.

BlueBelle Fri 02-Dec-16 08:19:33

Don't get the handwriting on the label bit either ??
Sounds highly suspicious if you're pretty sure it's not for you and if he's never done secret presents to you before and you haven't mentioned liking this bra for him to need to write your instructions down then I think it's pretty conclusive it's for another lady however I think asking will bring bigger and bigger lies and make him more secretretive I d play detective a bit longer personally, men are often stupid when 'in love' so will invariable slip up again then you have your proof
I am afraid it's all sounding pretty conclusive The being nice to you and the Lacey bra together point to a rampant affair

aquagran Fri 02-Dec-16 08:41:58

Belladonna... I don't get it either. Why write a description on a bra label you must have already bought? Doesn't make sense. Also, it's a strange thing to buy, ( a bit cheap? ) for 'a bit on the side'. I don't speak with any authority!!!

Bellanonna Fri 02-Dec-16 08:49:13

It wasn't an ad was it? Given that it was easy to get a link from?

Mumsy Fri 02-Dec-16 09:00:10

As others have said ask him! perhaps he is a cross dresser?

Christinefrance Fri 02-Dec-16 09:02:20

Don't jump to conclusions, there could be a reasonable explanation. I have done that and lived to regret it. It does seem a bit odd in any case, can you ask him about it eg ' did you need this label for anything '
Hope it all works out for you

Maggiemaybe Fri 02-Dec-16 09:02:30

I was just wondering about that, Mumsy.

Nana3 Fri 02-Dec-16 09:19:40

I really feel for you NannieJulie. You must be in turmoil. I think the same as chelseababy. Don't put him on his guard, I think you need to be sure before you confront him. I hope things work out well for you.

seacliff Fri 02-Dec-16 09:21:46

Would he be buying it as a pressie for one of your daughters? Would she have given him the card saying this is her favourite style, , so he could get another for her or another daughter. Probably unlikely but he may be innocent.

However, if there are other changes too, well....

Personally I'd wait a bit, observing like a hawk! Then I'd have to ask for my own peace of

DanniRae Fri 02-Dec-16 09:26:13

I couldn't wait until Christmas to find out if it was for me!
I would have to challenge him with it - but good luck with getting the truth from him (and I speak from experience) angry

seacliff Fri 02-Dec-16 09:43:39

20 years ago I had a similar thing. A gift arrived from QVC addressed to him. It was a jewellery sized box. He said nothing, just took it away. My Birthday was coming up in about 3 weeks. I had a bit of a bad feeling but decided to wait. Came my jewellery.!!

I still remember the sick awful feeling (20 years now) - the weight dropped off me in next 2 months as I was too sick to eat. I was too scared to confront him then, but kept watching and a month or so later, found more evidence, it all came out then. My initial suspicions were correct.

I really hope for a happier outcome for you. But I wish now I had not been such a doormat, and most of all, that I'd left him then xx

Luckygirl Fri 02-Dec-16 09:50:45

It is going to make Christmas pretty tense if you are waiting to see if you receive this present.

I would show it to him and ask him what it is about. How intelligent is he? - is he really daft enough to leave such "evidence" around?