Does he have a bit on the side?

If I found details for a bra I would think he was a cross dresser, my DH has never bought underwear for me and certainly could not imagine him buying for DD or any other female.

You say he is being nicer now than ever before-don't waste this! Produce a long and expensive Xmas list, buy a whole load of new clothes, get the house decorated. Whatever you want most get these things first. Then if you want ask him what he is up to. On the other hand you could just be pleased about the change in his behaviour and carry on taking advantage. Eventually whatever is going on will come to light, or will fizzle out.

a change in a mans behaviour, especially being nicer, is usually through guilt.Guilt from what though?An affair, or chatting to women online? Don't let this eat you up, ask outright, and you will be able to tell from his responses.

It reminds me of that scene in Love Actually when Emma Thompson opens the jewellery shaped Christmas present (which she has previously found in her husband's pocket or drawer) and opens a Joni Mitchell tape.
What woman watching did not totally feel her pain (and think "stupid bastard" of the otherwise wonderful Alan Rickmansworth )

Silly IPad has relocated the late great Rickman to outer suburbia

Oh yes Daphne, that scene always brings tears to my eyes

Is he a secret cross dresser by any chance?

Man boobs?

JUst ask him, there is probably an innocent explanation, why worry about it any longer. It doesn't sound as though you suspect anything is going on.

Leaving it will spoil your Christmas.

The label will state the size. Is it your size? does he know your size? My DH wouldn't have a clue.

I just keep thinking how Christmas day is going to be - and the days in between then and new year - if that bra doesn't materialise.
There is no reason to hold back on asking about it now, apart from wanting to preserve the status quo, (which is understandable)

I couldn't personally suffer the torment of waiting 3 weeks until Christmas to ask him, I would need to know straight away.

Keep a very close eye on him & ask yourself, does he have the opportunity to cheat, if so, when? I'd ask him if everything is ok,and see what his response is. I would probably confront him about the underwear, but expect to be fobbed off, so whatever he says, keep that eye on him for a while.

I'm afraid I wouldn't have been able to stop myself confronting him straightaway with a wave of the label and a "What's this all about then?". There could be a perfectly reasonable explanation, other than the playing around or the cross dressing, but I'm blowed if I know what it could be. I'd say just ask him, Julie.

Years ago I found a piece of paper in my husbands wallet(okay I shouldn't have been looking, but was feeling suspicious) with what I thought was a women's name, albeit an unusual one, Serenata, and a telephone number. After stewing about it for days I confronted him but said I'd found the slip of paper on the floor. Turned out it was the name of a company that sends flowers through the post and someone had recommended them when he said he was going to send me a bouquet for our wedding anniversary. I was the one that ended up feeling guilty, but relieved so I would advise a way of bringing it up but in a casual 'oh look what I found' manner.

My husband started sprucing up and going on " business trips". The coward denied everything when I confronted him. Then one evening his female colleague phoned and I knew immediately from the look on his face. He'd been having an affair for over a year. You can't suffer like this. Ask him outright, even if you fear his reply.

Oh dear, Glamorousgray Serenata are very good....

Thank you all for you comments. His hand writing of the bra details were written on a piece of cardboard you sometimes get on the hanger when you buy a bra, that one was a black bra, of which i have not had. He has never bought me underwear and would not even know what size bra to buy for me.
He has gone to work tonight as 'overtime' and i have just come home from work to find a bunch of flowers, a potted xmas tree i remarked that i liked and a bottle of wine with a note saying there is a chinese for me in the fridge. All out of character.
I am going to try and not say anything for now, ask now and he could easily lie, say it is for me and then go and buy it for me, or come up with something. I am going to try and stay strong and play detective. Wish me luck and thanks all x

NannieJulie

Asking him outright will only elicite a denial. This is what I would do. My first husband cheated on me so I do have some experience - unfortunately.

Tell him you need to have a quiet chat with him as something is worrying you. Carefully observe his reaction when you say this. Then ask if he is feeling Ok, has a problem at work etc etc. No accusations. Go on to say you've noticed he is acting differently towards you and you are concerned he is secretly worried about his health etc. If he doesn't want to expand the conversation that's a sign of guilt. However he will be aware that you've noticed 'something' and you'll just have to see how his behaviour pans out over a,couple of days. Men are not terribly good at covering up affairs (if indeed he's having one) so all may be revealed very soon.

It would be very unusual for a man to buy a bra for his daughter! Are you absolutely sure it's his handwriting?

Keep us posted and good luck

Very best of luck to you. Hope you've got RL support and someone to sound off to.

I think you're right in that if you confront him now, it gives him time to get his story together.

I would say that buying a bra for anyone else is rather strange, IF I was having an affair, I'm sure I could think of far more suitable things to buy. I doubt any man would know what size to buy -- bra sizes are some sort of secret code.

?
I'm afraid I'd be very suspicious if DH bought me presents, let alone a bra.
As for a bouquet, Chinese meal and so on ? I would be very curious as to why!

I am 100% sure it is his writing. What you have suggested is a good idea which i will do. Thank you x

Yes, he has used all my mouth wash recently, something he has never used before

You must steel yourself to have this conversation. How he reacts will be your best clue as to whether or not he is seeing someone. The more 'reasonable' you are when talking to him will make him feel more guilty and likely to give the game away.

If it's a recent affair, then he may come to his senses once he realises his change of behaviour is worrying you. Hopefully, within a few days the truth will out.

Thank goodness for Gransnet - if only I could have had some internet support when I was going through the trauma of finding out my (ex) husband was seeing his ex fiancée, the woman he had been engaged to when he met me! He married her two years after we split up. Years later I discovered that he deeply regretted what he'd done and that the grass wasn't greener on the other side!

I think NannieJulie you've already decided to hold fire and do some detective work before having the conversation suggested by others. That's what I'd do too.

Alongside that you need to prepare for what you want to happen next, if you do find it's true. Think through the possible scenarios and be prepared.