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Can anyone tell me what went wrong?

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cheneslieges132 Thu 29-Dec-16 10:04:35

I am struggling with an intensely sad problem ... for over 26 years I have been Best Friends with a lady who lived next door to me on a new estate, when I came back from living in France in 1989. She moved 300 miles away 8 years ago, as her daughter wanted to have her living near her, in case her mother ever fell etc etc. I miss her such a lot. She was a soul-mate. We were more than best friends, in fact, we were like sisters and I treated her so very well with a huge amount of help all the time I have known her, because she was very poor, had no job or money, and latterly her health was not good (several serious problems over the last four years). Whatever she needed I would give her willingly, including four paid-for holidays in France (I still have a 2nd home there) and even an electric blanket when she came out of hospital a while ago. Just out of curiosity, I compiled a list for myself of gifts I have given her over the years, and there were more than 40 really wonderful things, including jewellery. My problem is this: 2 years ago we decided mutually not to ever buy each other token Christmas/birthday presents - however, on my birthday last August, she sent me a pair of "Disney" themed pyjamas. They were miles too small for me, and I texted her to kindly let her know, and said I would post them back so that she could get her money back. It all went pear-shaped, and she since then has totally cut me out of her life. She will not speak to me or send text messages any more, she even flatly refused to accept a huge bouguet of gorgeous flowers I sent her via Interflora. The girl who tried to deliver them was very upset (I spoke to Interflora to discover what had happened).
After all those years when were almost inseparable, and such very, very good friends, I am completely destroyed by this. I have tried ever since last August to come to terms with this, but it is terrible. I cannot sleep properly, I wake up crying, and have had many really dreadful nightmares.
Can anyone explain what seems to have happened?
I have attempted to contact her daughter, and she will not speak to me either. I am slowly going mad with worry.

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DaphneBroon Sun 01-Jan-17 22:49:05

I think it is onset demnetia. The fact that she sent you pyjamas with a disney pattern on and much too small sounds as if she has got her presents mixed up

Confused perhaps,although I think Disney PJs could be very nice, but not evidence of dementia.. Perhaps she had wrapped up two presents and simply mixed them up. Or misread the label (age 12 understood as SIZE 12)
Anyway this saga no longer seems quite as cut and dried as OP intended.
And sadly it reflects less well on OP than on her erstwhile friend.

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Anya Mon 02-Jan-17 09:46:19

roses was it the totally uncalled-for use of the phrase 'who calls herself' that was the clue? wink

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Jalima Mon 02-Jan-17 20:03:35

You are all so very, very wrong in your judgemental attitudes towards me. You have totally misread my original post (I did NOT in fact actually return the gift of Pyjamas)

I think many of us tried to see things objectively which I assume posters thought would be helpful to you in finding out what went wrong - which is what you asked in your OP.
If you do try look at it from another's point of view, which is what posters were helping you to do, then there is no point in asking for opinions.

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Jalima Tue 03-Jan-17 00:06:27

I meant 'if you won't try looking at it from another's point of view' etc

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BlueBelle Tue 03-Jan-17 06:16:10

Unfortunately your story has now changed so much that it actually makes the original post obsolete You really can't expect us to be mind readers

Your friend moved away 8 years ago she made a mistake as to what she sent you as a present, we now know you have talked with her amicable over a number of texts Is that not the end of it ? .......
So why then did you send flowers as an apology Apology for what? Presumably more must have happened than you have told us

Telling us we can't read when you have given us a muddled version is not very nice i think we have all given fair advice which is what you asked for there is no point in 'there there have some flowers' if you are asking for advice Maybe you should have said I m not looking for any answers but need a hug then you would have got lots of empathy
I hope you can put this behind you and find some new friends

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FarNorth Tue 03-Jan-17 10:55:38

Then people might have said "Oh well, maybe you got it wrong but have a hug anyway."

It looks like you actually wanted us to tell you how to get your friend to be as friendly as before, which we obviously can't do, sorry.

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