Can anyone tell me what went wrong?

Yes, I edited in case the words gave offence. Gentlemen, I beseech you in the bowels of Christ.......

I think it's Samaratins training..................but then I could be quite wrong "stansgran"

Playing Lady Bountiful seldom works if all you want to do is feel better about yourself.

I'm not one of those who thinks every post on GN should be a there, there, you're right of course, don't worry type. If someone asks for advice they need to be prepared for contradictory views. But there are ways of putting these views across. The OP has lost a good friend, is losing sleep, wakes up crying, is "completely destroyed", "going mad with worry". By now I imagine she will have taken on board the criticism of her behaviour as regards giving and receiving presents, and I feel some of the responses have been unkind.

For what it's worth, I think the old friend is ill. Throwing flowers at a delivery girl is not normal behaviour. Perhaps the daughter hasn't replied just because she doesn't want to get involved in her mother's relationships. I can't see any way forward with this old friendship, but wish you all the best with future ones.

Really: as far as presents are concerned your right hand shouldn't know what your left hand is doing, let alone catalogue them in a list. I think your erstwhile friend may be depressed, or feeling that she can't fulfil her" obligations" to you. Your ego is probably pricked by her rejection. I do sympathise, as it has happened to me, but you must just let her go.

Maggiemaybe what a kind balanced thoughtful and helpful response

I know the gift shouldn't have been sent back, but what a shame for that poor florist to have her flowers refused. No consideration for the florists feelings there. It is puzzling to just recall the gifts given, if they were too much her, her friend should have said something, also why on earth cannot her daughter just answer a straightforward question and say what went wrong, because whatever happened Chenin knows she was over the top but does love her friend. I think that is quite callous of the daughter. I hope she can move on and not beat herself up, she is hurting enough. Try not to make the same mistakes again, but who has not made a mistake, so let it go now if you can, obviously a kind and generous person who just went over the top.

I'm sorry your feelings are hurt. Gifts for all occasions is brilliant. I've no idea what went wrong, Bob's your Uncle.

???

Your friend has been gone for 8 years now. She may have been quite relieved to leave what sounds like a cloying and quite probably demeaning relationship. Her gift to you was well-intentioned and an attempt to redress the balance and you have simply humiliated her by your reaction.
Today is a new year, time to let go of this friendship and find satisfaction in new activities.

I would not have returned a present in those circumstances but charity shop it.

It is a rather rude thing to do. It does sound to me as if you might be considered to be flaunting your money when she is a lot less well off. In general to send a friend expensive gifts if you know they cannot afford to reciprocate is rather unkind to them.

As for being "harsh to other posters" you can "wrap up" how you feel about someone else's very "unhelpful actions" in a situation, but if someone has not seen that the "unhelpful action" was not a sensible thing to do in the first place then they may need it spelling out much more clearly.

To the vast majority of harsh and unfriendly posters on my situation. You are all so very, very wrong in your judgemental attitudes towards me. You have totally misread my original post (I did NOT in fact actually return the gift of Pyjamas) - the subject was discussed via various text messages between us, but never in fact took place. My friend actually suggested sending them back or exchanging them for a "bottle of gin" for my upcoming holiday. I am NOT going to add anything further to this unhappy situation, as I am deeply upset by all your vicious and unhelpful comments. Only ONE person posting on this Site has come near to the true understanding - my heartfelt thanks go out to a kind lady who calls herself jefm

Totally, utterly wrong. You obviously cannot read. This happened in August last year, 2 days before my birthday.

It is hard when replies don't seem to get how you feel. Believe me I know! But I think you have to take on board that if a lot of people feel that your friend would have been upset at your actions, then there is a possibility that is how your friend felt too. Maybe? I took on board what posters said about a friendship that I thought had come to an end, swallowed my hurt and, let's face it my indignation, behold, we are friends again?

chenes jefm

totally misread my original post (I did NOT in fact actually return the gift of Pyjamas) - the subject was discussed via various text messages between us, but never in fact took place. My friend actually suggested sending them back or exchanging them
It is hard to follow a story which changes.
This was not the original version, and unsurprisingly, cheneslieges we CAN read and if you ask "can anyone tell me what went wrong?" You can't be surprised at honest answers.
If on the other hand you wanted a pat on the shoulder and a "there, there", well that was unlikely to happen given the original version of the story.
If it was all amicable (texts, suggestions of gin etc etc) then I fail to understand the problem.

Daphne. I agree. I don't think we all misunderstood the information as originally given and there does seem to be a lack of self awareness and empathy. One or two comments were a bit harsh but I wouldn't have said nasty and most just tried to give a point of view. Having been at the receiving end of Generosity that I was discouraged from reciprocating, I find it hard to be sympathetic.

I think it is onset demnetia. The fact that she sent you pyjamas with a disney pattern on and much too small sounds as if she has got her presents mixed up.

Of course you mst miss her terribly, but how she used to be. It could be thst you would find it hard to get on with her now. My best friend has dementia - just beginning and I have to be very careful with what I say.

Maybe the text messages were less friendly than you imagined, as you couldn't hear the tone of voice?

Maybe the mention of gin was some sort a sarcastic joke?

We can't possibly know and you don't seem to know either, so we can't really help you with "what went wrong".

Exactly. The information about the number of texts that were exhanged does change the picture. Who knows what else has been kept back?

I don't think the friend has dementia. Poor woman!

Has the OP perhaps put on weight in the x number of years since her friend last saw her? That might account for the PJs being too small

Margaret I love my Mini Mouse PJs [offended emoji]

to say that only one person has responded favourably is simply untrue.Now I am a bit suspicious about the whole thing....

in fact, more than a bit.

I think there has been some very sensible advice given on here.

Time to find new friends, widen your horizons and perhaps offer help and your energy to local charities?
Your friend moved 8 years ago and I think that it is time to move on.