Looking for unbiased opinions on granddaughter being a bridesmaid

There nothing wrong with you tellin your son your emotions.

So don't tell him what he should do or how he should feel but if he or anyone brings it up to you willingly then you can say

'I'm absolutely disgusted that no one is putting DGDs wants first. I'm even more disgusted that all the adults in this situation are putting such a huge burden on such young shoulders. Somebody should love that child enough to defend her.'

Maybe encourage DDiL to join Mumsnet and post her situation there?
See what advice she gets?

I'd hope, if I was in a situation like Mercedes55, that I'd try to encourage my DS and DDiL to stand up to the bully-sister instead of giving in to her to keep the peace.

There is no danger to her unborn baby, from this little girl being a bridesmaid.

The baby will have been born well before next January, in any case.

The woman is a bully and all the other adults are joining her in bullying a 9 year old child. This needs to be stopped.

If the bully-sister and her dad stop speaking to the rest of the family, who cares? It's no loss.

I agree; however I would feel very upset on behalf of my DGD if this was happening to her.

Mercedes will just have to be careful not to antagonise her DIL and be supportive of her DGD in a non-committal way if she expresses disappointment. That may be appeasing DIL'S sister but, if she expresses an opinion it could cause a rift between her and her DIL which I am sure she doesn't want.

You can come and rant on here Mercedes
and offer to buy your DGD a beautiful dress.

Not the best outcome but one that may keep the peace.

The problem with being a 'flying monkey' (new term to me too, but one I recognise) is that you instantly take ownership of the problem, as Mercedes has done, and get the blame for ever afterwards.

Good for the Mum forums. Personally Inwould take exception to being "encouraged etc etc etc"
Although the temptation to shoot down pretentiousness is hard to resist.
So in the meantime,I will content myself with my usage of "I don't give a flying monkey's...."

Surely that phone call was the opportunity to say how selfish the woman was being Andy how did she feel about disappointing a little girl. End of.

A flying monkey is someone who is not involved in the argument but who goes to one party on behalf of the other to talk about the disagreement.
They have nothing to do with it and in the Mum forums they are heavily encourged to instantly shoot down flying monkeys.

Sorry. Damn autocorrect is out to destroy me. On other forums you can edit the post.

It was meant to say Abused

Yes. Still no wiser. It's the jargon that baffles me.

Maw Broon have you read Mercedes55's post of 25 Jan at 14.57?

Can somebody please explain "absurd member of the family" along with "flying monkey" for us lesser mortals who speak plain Glesca English?

Oh for heaven's sake!

Bibbity I see... you are right

LewLew as the GD mother is the scapegoat and absurd member of the family the odds are that she is more likely to learn that she must submit and Bend to their every whim. That her happiness means nothing and that as long as those around her are happy that's all that matters.
This LG self worth and confidence are going to be eroded away till she's as much as a useless doormat as her mother unless someone steps in to fight for her.

The scary bit is that the little one could grow up thinking that this is how you treat your relatives: Manipulate, nag, have a hissy-fit, then get your way. Good parenting helps, but kids copy what they see in their family.

I really think you are overthinking this synonymous with all this talk of "grooming", and " narcissist victim syndrome" And what on earth is a "flying monkey?"
(As in "I don't give a flying monkey...." perhaps?)
Spoilt brat syndrome, granted, even sibling jealousy but this is hardly "In the psychiatrist's chair" is it?
What next, counselling?

It sounds like the spoilt sister changes her tune to suit the wind. I thought her reason for not wanting her niece to be a bridesmaid was because she was pregnant and was concerned about a miscarriage? Liar. The baby will have been long delivered by next January! It sounds as though it has all to do with her feelings for the groom.

How mean to deny the child this opportunity, and your DiL is setting a poor example to her her own DD. Either the young girl will allow herself to become a victim in the future and just give in to manipulation by others, or she will become a rebel and dig her heels in, having felt so neglected on this occasion. Hopefully the latter!

How sad that this little girl's other grandfather is behaving so badly towards his granddaughter. There are such control issues going on here and the burden of being excluded and the non-favoured child is currently being passed on to the next generation.
The DIL's sister is narcissistic and their father is one of her sister's 'flying monkeys'. The DIL is suffering from 'Narcissist Victim Syndrome' and this syndrome is now in the process of being passed on to the would be bridesmaid. If you have not seen this in action before then you will probably find this difficult to believe but if you do some research into these things it may well become all too clear.
Sadly it can be difficult to break free from a Narcissist and so ultimately it can cause problems in the ever widening family circle of which you are one Mercedes. Your DIL will have to want to be free of being a victim but often the victims are not strong enough to break free or even want to see it for what it truly is. She has been groomed into her state of mind since her sister was born and the parents helped to make both sisters what they are today.

Sounds as if the bridegroom had a very fortunate escape 10 years ago!

A great shame that DIL's sister is getting her own way, I hope the family are proud of letting her be a spoilt brat. We know how the rest of the story will play out now, baby will be born and that child will become the centre of attention to the exclusion of GD who gave up her bridesmaid's place. Once a brat always a brat, this will not end well.

DIL's sister is a bully and they are all behaving in a very cowardly way. If no-one ever stands up to her she will just carry on doing it and your DGD will learn to be an appeaser too.
The next thing may be that she does not want the child to see this couple, doesn't want your son to be best man, doesn't want anyone to go to the wedding.

Wow, I can't believe that responsibility for a family feud has been placed onto a young child's shoulders. Your GD won't forget this. I hope your son and DIL are proud of themselves.

Your DIL is failing that little girl is badly don't pity her she's an adult choosing to screw up her child emotionally for the rest of her life.

In a hurry so haven't read all the replies. But just quickly - you're NOT "caught in the middle" - it's NOT your decision and you do NOT have a stake in it. As a pp said, it's up to the bride who to ask to be a bridesmaid. Under the cirucmstances, if I were this bride, I would leave the poor little girl out of it and just have her as a guest. But NOT up to me and NOT up to you.

Back later to read and post more...

The whole situation is appalling.
The little girl is being bullied by a bunch of adults who should be putting her first.