Adult Sons, any good experiences?

When my son was small/young he was the most lovely, lovely boy. My friends said if he was older they'd want to marry him!! Then he left to go and live with his father the other side of the country and (we'd divorced in the 80's) and from then on has drifted further and further away in all respects. I moved to a new house in 2002 and from the first ten years he didn't visit me once (despite my many invitations). In the meantime he married and had a (lovely!) son. I ring to try and keep in touch, (but they often don't answer - they have call recognition!). I visit them whenever I can, send notes, gifts, bits and bobs to my grandson and try to 'keep it light' when I call, but for some reason my son never picks up the phone to ring me. I miss him with all my heart.....

Both my grown up sons live a fair distance away but we are very close. They call me regularly and are always there for me if I'm in trouble. I guess I just take it for granted now that they have family and lives of their own, which I'm grateful to share at times. I look after myself.

I am sad to hear of negative experiences of MILs on mumsnet. I thought those days were gone and that my/this generation of MILs were more likely to be supportive and empathetic.

I have an adult son and I couldnt wish for a more loving caring son. My daughters however are a different kettle of fish!! My dil is more of a daughter to me! Ignore all the negative comments none of us need them.

I've never minded having two boys. They've been a delight to me since they were born. I have a DIL now, and we get on very well. Surely the important thing is the love between mother and children, not what sex they are.

I had 2 sons and then had a daughter (all within 5 years). There is no difference in any way at how close I am with them. As for my two daughters in laws ....well they are like another two daughter's and we love each other completely. My mother in law had 2 sons and her and I were so close until she died. She always said I was the daughter shed never had. My eldest son died from cancer 7 years age 26. I lost in him not only my son but one of my best friends , that's what he was to me . His partner has a new boyfriend now and a baby girl ....yet are still as close as ever. So I know from all sides of having sons and a daughter and there is no difference at all. In fact both my sons are/were very protective of me. My remaining son is 31 and my daughter is 29 and the relationship I have with them is as equal and special in everyway.

You won't be a hated MIL. DIL will have mums for a duty, but you have sons who have duty to you.

Yes! I have an adult son (aged 32) who is simply a wonderful human being! He's a loving partner and a kind and "sorted" human being. The only fly in the ointment is that his partner is Australian and they have set up home down under. But we have regular skype chats - in fact I have just come offline from chatting to them. He told me this morning that I'm his "all time hero". Bless him.
I have a wonderful daughter who lives nearer too, and our relationship, whilst good, is a little more fraught.
Don't take any notice of these sayings! It's so silly! Enjoy your beautiful boys growing up. Don't let anyone tell you you're missing out on anything because you don't have a girl. It makes me so sad all these silly sayings that just make us feel inadequate because we haven't got x,y or z. You have your lovely boys - I'm sure you'll bring them up to be caring, happy individuals and they will love you for it.

Our adult son is a wonderful human being who we could not be more proud of. He has chosen a fabulous partner and they marry in June. I'm already a MIL and I can't say that it has been difficult at all. Early on I gave my SIL permission to tell me if I crossed any lines and I have said the same to our soon to be DIL. We are very fortunate that both kids chose wisely.

Of course once grown up their first loyalty is and should be to their partners. My mom always taught me that if you let your children go freely, then the chances are they will choose to come back to you. This has been my experience. They are all their own people, but very fortunately they want us in their lives.

I hope the OP will have the same relationship with her adult sons, which I'm sure you will if you lay careful foundations and then when the time comes, let them fly.

Biscuitlover please don't be sad at having boys. I have 3 sons in their 30's and 40's and they are all close and loving lads. They visit regularly, help me if I need it, and come to me for advice when needed. In fact they do exactly the same things with me as my daughter does, apart from my clothes shopping! So it's all about nurture, lots of hugs (which we still do), and to give them all the time you can manage over their formative years.

My son is 38 and married with two little ones. He phones me at least three times a week and we chat for ages. I think we are on the same wave length, whereas my lovely daughter is more like her dad. I think if you're a good parent your children will always want to be in your life.

I also have two sons - both grown up now and one with a family. It came as a huge shock to me, I really should have seen it coming, but having done such a good job (wink - must find emoticons!!) both my sons are extremely independent. My dear dil has done a brilliant job of "moulding" my eldest son so that he is barely recognisable - and practically lives at her mother's house with my grandchildren - it's quite literally as if she never left home - whereas we are blessed with, on average, one visit per month for a couple of hours although we only live 10 minutes away! Ho hum - me, bitter? I do not wish to paint a black picture - my relationship with my sons is great and they were such a joy to bring up - no hormonal dramas as one sometimes gets with girls - but yes, once they have their own families, they quite rightly put them first. The younger one is a musician and although he never phones (heh heh) I have just had a superb holiday with him in Nashville!! You will always have to work at the relationships, but I think I would worry more if I saw more of my sons!

My DH(only child) and his mother did not have an especially good relationship but I think it improved a lot after I came along as I am very 'family minded'.She used to tell her friends (in my hearing)she was blessed in her DIL and I was the daughter she never had (I don't think she actually wanted any children but that's another story ).
I have a friend with two sons .The younger is marrying soon and she already adores the DILto be and they seem to get on very well.So not all DILs cause a rift, as so many other posters have affirmed .

My son is a lovely man who has achieved much in his life. He had a good career in the RAF and has never been without work since. He is well regarded by his colleagues and his friends, is very good company and a good stepfather to two lovely boys. He puts his family first and that is as it should be, but he knows we are there for him and I know that that would be reciprocated. I have been at both ends of the DiL spectrum. My son's first wife "didn't do family" (neither ours nor her own); families seemed to unnerve her. She never resented our son's relationship with us, which has always been very close, but she didn't encourage it either. For all that, I liked her because she was a very good wife to him and given time, I think we might have had some sort of workable relationship. Sadly, she died. Our present DiL is very different; relaxed, gregarious and she seems to enjoy our company. Until my son met his first wife, I don't think I ever thought about what it would mean to be someone's MiL, and neither should you. Rejoice in your boys, for that is what they will always be - your boys - and when the time comes, take DiLs in your stride.

My son is coming up to 37. We have never had an argument. When we meet up we always hug and he always tells me he loves me.

Relationship with my two daughters has always been more volatile...hahaha

Boys are fab, never any leftover food.......happy to go up the ladder, can fix things, willing to pull faces and do silly voices for the kids, able to explain off side rule, can push the car when it won't start.

Girls are also fab and can attract boys to do all of the above.

My boys do put their family first, just as I raised them to do, it is natural and right that they do.....coming second isn't a bad deal.

The DIL does raise her kids the way her mother raised her, which is also natural.......

Lovely sons here. Always volunteering to help us. Luckily they are married to wonderful women.

I had two brothers, no sister, and saw their total absorption into their in-law families and how my widowed mother was left out. I have three DS and was so proud of my beautiful little boys as they grew up. I thought we were close and didn't believe the same could happen to us. All the same, I rather hoped they would marry orphans. I now have two wonderful DiLs. I couldn't have chosen better for my sons but, guess what, they are completely wrapped up in their own families. Both have sisters and I've noticed that the bond between two sisters and their mother is often too strong to allow anyone else in. I spent Christmas with my grandchildren this year for the first time but had to leave on Boxing Day to make way for my DiL's sister and family, even though they all get together regularly. Two of my sons keep in fairly close touch but the third is more or less ignored by his brothers. Distance plays a big part in all this but I often wonder if a DD might have made a difference.

Both my sons are great!Luckily I live within 30 min drive of them both so get to see GC a lot. Both my boys (in their early 40s now)work hard so I may only see them at weekends or family events but I do see them. I get on very well with both my DiL- you may have to work at this but it is a very worthwhile relationship.
I see loads of my 6 GC & they stay over with us a lot. We never say no to babysitting if we can do it as we both feel we are building memories & TBH we love having them although we are exhausted when they go home.
Having only had boys I find girls very difficult at times. They are far more self-centered & LOUD. Why do girls have to shriek all the time!!? I know it is not just my GD. I'm dreading them getting to their teens although my 8 year old is there & back already!Plus their clothes & toys are far more expensive.
Enjoy your boys & support them in everything & they will not let you down. My Mum used to say Boys & Mums & Girls & dads had the special relationships.
Plus you could have another child & have 3 boys so enjoy them. It is really magical when a great big hunk of a man hugs you & says Love you Ma!!

THeres really no set pattern. I have two sons and a daughter and get on wel with them all and their spouses who are all lovely. 0ne DiL is very close to her own family and we see less of them but they are no less friendly/caring. My other DiL is quite different but equally lovely - they live nearer and she doesnt get on well with her own mother so we see rather more of them. My own daughter is probably closer to me than my DiLs but they all get on well together and with us. I think we are lucky and I have no complaints. I do tread rather more carefully with DiLs though - I think thats natural !

I have a DD and a DS. Both are married to wonderful partners and have good, strong relationships with their spouses and with each other. I am enormously proud of all of them. My son's path to finding my lovely DIL has been a long and tortuous one though. And we met a lot of strange gfs along the way (we gave them nicknames, naughty us!).

There was the broody one that he had a daughter with; an orange one (covered in make up and fake tan); a selfish one; a mean and moody one; a money grabbing one who tried to get him to buy a huge house that he could ill afford and who expected us to act as guarantors on an enormous mortgage; there was a lovely one who loved him to bits but he didn't love her; and then, finally, along came this tall, skinny Latvian girl who had both feet firmly on the ground and we finally had the happy ending that he deserved.

As regards a mother's relationship with her son, it is true in a way that they are only yours til they find a wife, but I see as much of him - and also my daughter - as I can given the fact that I travel a lot.

As you probably know some of you, my son died in 2007 I never had a lovely dil, I envied families who have. She had mental health issues from a violent father who beat his children and she felt that was how you should bring up your children. The rest is history she killed him. He was a loving and caring son who loved his daughter who we now have living with us. I know my son would have been there for me because through all his trials and suffering he was concerned for me and my h. My daughter is amazing but she misses her brother.

Hallelujah for NannyG1 and Grannygalactica. Was beginning to think I was the only Mum on GN who is experiencing current disappointment. Think we were lucky enough to have idyllic family experience in the formative years. I did the 'set them free' with ease and am now reaping somewhat adverse experiences in the shape of minimum communication. When we meet (seldom) things are absolutely fine and I purposely don't make waves by broaching the matter. Should have said these are 2Ss both in seemingly solid partnerships with children and stepchildren. Never wanted a D but now I am wondering about that......... No, at 70 I've no plans on that score! Fact is I was a D and, yes, I saw much more of my Mother than I did of MiL. Maybe this is doing what 'comes naturally'. I don't know. I sure wish I knew how to increase my 'desirable company' status with my sons.

Sheilasue I don't know what to say, it can't get any easier, but you still have a part of him in your DGD.

Treasure them while you can.
Two and four are lovely ages - and make the most of each stage of their lives.

My son is in his early forties and has grown into the man every mother could wish for. He has a lovely partner and they've given me 2 gorgeous grandchildren. I'm fortunate that they live locally, and I get to babysit often.
The only downside is that he takes after his late father and tends to bury his head in the sand if problems occur. Fortunately my lovely DIL chivvies himout of it and pushes him along to achieve what he wants.