Adult Sons, any good experiences?

My son who is now 67 has always been loving and caring. When he was seven I was ill, laid on my back unable to move he stayed home from school to look after me. Went to the corner shop bought bread and ham for sandwiches. Helped me on the bedpan etc. My ten year old daughter ( unfortunately no longer with us)came home from school and asked who was going to get her dinner. He lives 150 miles away but is on call should i need him. He cares for his three small grandchildren to save his daughter care costs.

I have 2 adult sons and this was something I was concerned about when they were young. But I am happy to say that it's all worked out fine. My younger son married a girl who is a loving and close daughter-in-law and my older son is engaged to a lovely girl. The OP asked for nice examples so.......for my younger son's 30th birthday celebrations next month he ihas asked me to come with him and his 3 year old son to Geneva for the day. We are going to fly from the UK early in the morning, build a snowman, then fly back to the UK ! My lovely daughter-in-law is working so can't come but she is very happy about the trip.
I know there's an element of luck in our relationships with adult children but sometimes our worries can be unfounded.

Biscuit
Lots of interesting responses and lots to think about. How I wish I could just enjoy the here and now instead of worrying about the future, unfortunately I'm a worrier by nature though and it's a tough habit I can break. I suppose all I can do really is try and be a good mum and hope it all works out!

It's not worth worrying too much about because thirty years from now when most of us Gnetters are dead, you will be living in a very different world, and I dont think it will be a better one. You may have far more important things to worry about than your relationship with your sons and DILs, if they even provide you with any which is not a certainty!

I think chance plays a big role in this closeness thing, and it is not a case of 'if youre a good parent they will remain close' not at all. Some not so good parents keep their sons close and plenty of good parents lose much of the closeness. There is even some element of 'the tighter the bow, the further the arrow flies'. A mum who is not so close (emotionally) can sometimes prove an easier mother to an AC wanting independence. I suspect that at least some of the happy satisfied PatMILs are happy with a level of contact and closeness that other less happy patMils find quite unsatisfactory.

I think though overall Biscuit its a very good thing that youve considered this (though you are worrying too much), as I think you can be better prepared emotionally by seeing it coming.

My late sister had five boys and always said that the only thing she ever envied anyone was having a daughter (I had one of each and my other sister had three of each!!). She did, however have three absolutely solid gold DiLs, who were like the daughters she never had. Together we nursed her at the end of her life when the boys were emotionally adrift with the situation and my BiL was in the throes of dementia and didn't really know what was going on. Daughters could not have come through any better.

Who is to say if a loving daughter won't fall for an Australian and put herself out of reach! My son is in his 40s and very caring, and a loving, hardworking husband and father. Which is not to say that he and my lovely DIL and precious grandsons might have to follow the work and disappear abroad if necessary come Brexit. It's all pot luck.

Just like so many others on here, wonderful experiences with our 2 sons. They have bot grown up into caring and considerate men. Of course they put their families first - we would expect nothing else. But I know we come a close second and that any problems they would be round like a shot. Our DILs tell us we are their parents as well, so I have 2 great daughters without all the teenage hastle ?

I have two grown up son's one married the other not. My DIL is lovely he's very lucky to have her. They have three kids. My MIL is also lovely we get on great. My husband's MIL was also great (now deceased) the family joke was that if we ever fell out my husband would go back to my mum! I know we are lucky but I also think life is what you make it not what you read.

I have two sons and 1 DD. My boys are by far the more affectionate and attentive... So much for "..taking a wife"! I think it is luck of the draw. DD and I both have strong personalities and haven't really got on since she "..took a husband"!!
As for being a MiL - don't go there. The quieter, less opinionated, fewer comments, etc., the better. None of this business of listening to your 'elders and betters'! ALl the youngsters know better, have had more experience than you, yadda, yadda, yadda. Zipped mouth and "yes dear" is by far the best advice I can give you.

My Dad was devoted to his mother and when she had to go in a nursing home, he visited her every day after work. She always came to Sunday lunch and was always part of the family, that is despite her not having a great relationship with my mum and not being very demonstrative towards any of us including my Dad.

I have both sons and daughters, and sons in law and a daughter in law and I can say, hand on heart, that each one of them is unique and therefore sweeping generalizations cannot be made. My eldest daughter has cut herself off from the rest of the family, but the other children are all very close to each other and in their own ways to us as parents. My sons are delightful and so are my daughters, but all are chalk and cheese.

I have a son who has 5 children and lives jyst 20 miles away. He is caring, kind and will do anything to help. Its a two way thing, I provide support for his family and he does the same for us, including my disabled daughter who lives in her own home. His wife I must say is hard work but we we get on. my bond with him is very close, we even meet about once a month for a spot of lunch in town, a gossip and laugh and maybe a bit of shopping, just like a mother and daughter. So you really shouldnt sterotype the sexes.

I have 3 DS s and they are wonderful. One is married and my DIL is so caring and helpful. I wouldn't say she is like a DD, more like a very valued friend. Although I wouldn't have swapped any of my sons I did sometimes look at dresses and girly things and wonder what it would be like to have a daughter to buy them for. No longer do that because I now have a DGD. Learning how she plays and behaves has been a real eye opener. She is a constant source of joy and amusement. So enjoy your boys Biscuitlover, but don't worry about them changing as they grow older and who knows you may one day find yourself with a GD

I have 4 sons of 41, 39, 37 and 16, no daughters. My sons are brilliant. The eldest 2 are married and they put their wife and family first, which is as it should be. But they will do anything for me. They don't live close by [ second son lives in Canada ], but I see them as often as possible, and we all have a really good relationship.
I get on really well with both DIL too.

I can't imagine how different my life would be if I didn't have my sons in it.

My lovely son is gay, so I didn't get a DiL, I got another son. Love the pair of them to bits!

My two sons are now 56 and 52 and I can honestly say that they have been a great blessing. They both live within 5 miles of me and I see them regularly. And I am lucky enough to get on well with my daughters-in-law. They are all good to me, and I have helped them too, with baby sitting etc.
My only advice would be that we need to remember that adult sons are men and we should button our lip and not give unwanted advice nor interfere in their lives. Hopefully your sons will be as good to you as mine are to me.

Biscuitlover:
I too was a 'worrier'and I learned not to worry about being a worrier! I put my worry in a box (or bag, depends on my mood!) and let it worry on its own while I get on with life.
Worrying is natural, just don't let it make you behave in unhelpful ways.

Learn from those you come across: from my own mother I learned honesty, the importance of being straightforward in relationships, from my MiL, I learned to keep quiet sometimes!
From my dad I learned the importance of family, friendship, and telling stories; from my FiL, I learned how doing practical things can help families run smoothly.
From all of them I learned the importance of trust: to do your best by your children, then let them fly and trust they will make the right decisions, because you have taught them well.

I do hope that these posts have been helpful - your sons are fortunate to have such a thoughtful mother.

Myths about sons huh.

I have two sons, when my second son was born a friend commented that I must have wanted a boy! Never! My first child I said to everyone I wanted a boy which I know was wronge. The second I was happy either way. 10 years later I decided I wanted another child I again would have been delighted if I had had a boy but hey I had a girl, again the same friend said I must have been happy I had a girl and would not believe me when I said I would have been happy with either.

I have a daughter and son, both married. I love my daughter-in-law to bits. I have totally adapted to being No. 2 in my son's life, tried never to give advice unless asked and have a very good relationship with my son. If you 'let them go' they will appreciate it, relationships are what you make of them.

Mair your DD is right I think. My former DH was an only child and his DM my MiL and I got on so well.

She passed away 12 years ago but I still miss her. I remind her DS of the date!

She was a wonderful DG to my DS as well.

I've always felt that in some ways the mil/dil relationship has advantages, because you meet as adults, and don't have to adjust from being parent and child. I always had a more relaxed relationship with my mil than my mother, who still tried to tell me what to do when I was in my 50s!
The relationship with daughters has to change gradually from carer to cared for...with a dil, it's equal from the start.

The relationship with daughters has to change gradually from carer to cared for...

<shudders>
Hope it never comes to that!

What we think about we go towards. So always think about how good your MIL has been and you will be the same. Never ever say or think again about that silly chant your mother told you or you will drive your sons away as that is what you expect to happen. Daughters can be big problems and they often don't get on with their Mums so I suggest your mother is a bit more supportive of you or she won't have you for life.

Dont you believe this saying.............I have one of each - both married with their own children and living relatively close by. My daughter - who lives the closest to us - tends to keep me at "arm's length" from really meaningful mother/daughter emotional stuff. I think she struggles with the kind of relationship I wish we had, because she is a health care professional and I believe she has had to become "desensitized" from some of her personal emotions because she works very closely with heart attack and stroke patients (most of whom are elderly like me) and therefore she has learned to mask her emotions.....perhaps she fears if she didnt then it would make her appear "unprofessional". And that has affected our ability to build a grown up close mother and daughter relationship.

Our son on the other hand is very loving, extremely open and forthcoming with his feelings towards me - he checks in on us regularly and reaches out to me for advice when he comes up against problems or wants to talk things over that may be worrying him. Both our DS and DD were raised exactly the same way, but now they are all grown up and in their forties my son is the one who I tend to turn to first - knowing that whenever I feel the need to share stuff with someone close, I share it with him because I know he will listen and the conversation will be comfortable and non-judgemental.

Wow, I didn't expect to get so many responses! Thank you to everyone who has responded, it's certainly helped offer me a different perspective on things.

Who knows what will happen in the future but for now I'm determined to try and enjoy the present with my boys and what will be will be