Walking on eggshells

"Like bibbitt I'm intrigued as to what situations you find yourself walking on eggshells in?" I find myself wondering also?

Well said that Azie09. I'm impressed by my own children (I would be wouldn't i) and by their wide friendship circle. I am not talking about La La Land, where relationships and parenting are perfect. What I observe though, are more equal relationships between the mothers and father's. Young parents who are very appreciative of their parents support. One of my sons in law called to pick up his 12 month old from our care today, thank you so much, he said. He talked about how much he loves his baby and that one of the biggest things that came from being a parent, was him saying to his own parents "('m so sorry for all the stuff I did that worried you - thank you, I now realised that me and my sister have dominated your lives for over 30 years"
I hope we continue to share loving relationships with our adult children. Part of that is sensitivity to their feelings, not telling them how to parent and responding to requests for advice with sensitivity rather than black and white advice.

I think DD and I are fairly blunt with each other. Now and again I might decide not to mention something and I expect she does to, but on the whole we're pretty open. I'm much more careful with DIL because she's foreign and has mental problems. I don't say much about her to DS because I don't think it helps him to be told he's living with a basket case.

Deedaa

lam64 yes, yes, yes. Nothing's perfect but so good to have warm family relationships and ours too express gratitude and amusement tinged with apology for some of the things they got up to now they are 'all grown'!

I word things carefully with my SiLs , with my daughters I'm pretty straightforward. I'm not their friend , I'm their Mum. So if it's tough words better from me than a stranger.

We have an agreement. I offer advice , they listen ....they just don't have to take it .
.

I'm afraid I'm another who tends to walk on eggshells with DD. She is a lovely person, a good mother, and we have a very good relationship but there has always been a line I do not feel I can cross with her.

walking on egg shells just builds up the tension because you dont want to rock the boat, I pulled my older daughter up a couple of years ago as all she did was keep putting me down, the result, she no longer talks to me!!

Egg shells are for slug control. I don't think they have any place in either the home or relationships.

Walk on eggshells with one DD as she has mental health issues and she told me once that I was responsible for her latest down spin.

My mother had strong views opposed to mine on a whole range of things. I would spend most of the time biting my tongue, but was occasionally provoked into telling her what I thought.
Her response was then..."I really enjoy a good argument....I wish you'd argue more"
Unfortunately, I didn't particularly enjoy it, as I felt guilty. Can't win.

I don't do walking on egg shells, it isn't authentic and that is just not me.

I am not always popular, but I am always me.

We have been fed absolute garbage by the first world counselling mentality and agony aunts, no need to be brutal but the constant pandering to every emotional upset available to those who want to be upset is bizarre.

I have never, and will never, walk on eggshells for or with anyone!
I am always as tactful as I can be, but if something needs saying, it gets said!
My DH, DS and DDiL know that they can be blunt with me too, we're very straightforward in this family. It's said and dealt with, over in no time!
DDiL has to tread carefully with her own mum, I'm not going to make her do it with me too!

My MIL is like a big sister - we love one another to bits, but disagree fundamentally about almost everything. She's now 84 and becoming daily more reactionary and difficult, but we do try to avoid allowing friction points coming up in conversation. But my biggest problem is with my Aspergers DS, who if we make the mistake of teasing him, takes umbrage and either goes into a sulk or flies off the handle. He spent time in care from 6-9, so we never learnt how best to be parents to him.Now we've decided that the best way forward is to just agree to being friends.f

One dil is one of those people who says what she thinks especially about recycling. She seems to think that her generation invented it. I have been recycling all my life! She is a fanatic about turning things off and says so in a loud voice.

Another dil seems to get a bit tetchy once a month for obvious reasons, so I give a bit of leeway there. However, she does tend to ring to say 'just leaving' when I know from gs that we are looking after that she also goes to the supermarket after work. It has to be done, but I wish she would be upfront about it and not try and pretend that she is just leaving work.

Third dil is one of these modern Mothers who rely on friends for advice and so anything I offer is old fashioned. Amazing how they would rather take the advice of friends who know as little as they do rather than advice from MIL who brought up their husbands and is now looking after their children while they work isn't it!

So, yes, I do feel like I am walking on egg shells sometimes. It comes with the job of being a Grandma!

I think it's a pity our children don't read gransnet. They would learn a lot and perhaps understand their parents better.

Oh yes the friends thing Yorkshiregel They know best don't they?

Katy, well if it is not 'friends' giving advice it is certainly Mumsnet! One of the trends, if you need an example, is giving little babies whole bananas and apples to chomp on, which imo is positively dangerous. I have lost count of the number of children lately who have choked on whole grapes. They say they will learn because their gag mechanism will teach them! If the child survives I say.

I benefited from benign neglect from my mother who took not the slightest interest in anything I did and got on with her own (rip-roaring) life. My relationship with my own daughter is much closer but the drawback is that she is incredibly touchy. She feels she can advise, nag and lecture me but goes off like a bomb if I irritate her in the slightest. I never know what will set her off: one time it's one thing; another, something else. However, she does know when she's gone too far and apologises and is affectionate. I live in terror she'll decide, 'That's it. mum's impossible.'

Anya: loved the coffee/kitten comment!

Though don't say the kitten thing in front of the DGC or they will want one!

My DM speaks her mind, she always has done, luckily we agree on most things.

My DD is a strong personality, she takes after me & her Gran. I don't offer opinions on her child rearing skills as I realise so much has changed since she was a child. However I'm proud of the way my DGS is turning out. I don't feel like I'm walking on eggshells though, sometimes we agree to disagree

Anya that was brilliant ?☕️

May I borrow that remark Anya?