very difficult time with family and grandchild living abroad

Sausages..welcome to gnet..I truly feel for you...be positive if you possibly can..get out 7 make friends..& a new life for yourself...Which Is what I myself must try to do..as an only child I've often felt alone...Where abouts are you living?...you'd be so welcome to come 7 have a coffe & a chat somewhere with me!..xx

oops!7 should be &!...coffee not coffe..ha ha!!

So sorry sausage, quite understand your feelings. The other ladies who have their children in other countries have managed to make a life and to Skype and plan visits to see them. Just because some of us have children that live close it doesnt always follow you will see a lot of them, certainly not in my case anyway. Just keep busy and those in the same position as yourself will lift your spirits.

So many families are separated these days for many reasons. I watched as both our children went off to Univercity at the start of their adult lives, they made many friends and both married partners from abroad.

I find keeping in touch easier now than when daughter first moved abroad 15 years ago, facebook, Whats app, Skype all make for instant news and contact, whereas 15 years ago it was an expensive landline call once a week.

I do not think the distance stops me being a caring Grandparent, I get quality time twice a year, they usually come to visit us each summer for a couple of weeks and I go to stay with them once a year. My airfare is my priority spend in a year and we joke all our holidays are decided by where in the world our children are. We do usually manage a week in the UK as our holiday.

For the rest of the time since I retired I have voluntary work and keep busy. I hope you find that you are not alone and that there are many of us who are learning to live with a situation that we would never choose.

Hi sausages (love the name!).

I am sorry you are so sad but it's only natural. You don't mention a partner so maybe you are on your own, which must make it worse. The way this country is going is only going to make the problem more commonplace I fear.

My sister has a daughter plus her only grandchildren in Australia and has found that by using the Tiscali phone and broadband provider she can get free phone calls to one overseas country so she has opted for Australia and talks to her daughter regularly.

Have you considered going to live where your close family have moved to? I have cousins who did this when they retired because they know that their children will never return to the UK. They found it very hard at first to learn another language, etc but they are pleased to be near their children and grandchildren.

Give yourself time to adjust to the new situation and see if you can find new interests and meet new people.

I hope this helps.

Dear Sausages, I am so sorry you are having a difficult time and really feel for you. My only GC is not in another country but is still a very long way away - and I have found it really hard over several years to cope with the fact that my daughter and her husband have settled permanently near the other grandparents.These have sometimes, I feel, been possessive and controlling; and have on occasion actively excluded me and my partner from helping out when help was badly needed.

What is now improving matters is that GC is now old enough to carry on a conversation over the phone every week at a pre-arranged time. I still haven't got Skype/equivalent - shame on me! but, now she is learning to read and write, I send her handwritten notes and tiny little surprise presents, and during the few times of the year when it is possible to be together the two of us do ordinary things like cooking or gardening - which she likes - as well as activities involving her parents.It was a great joy for me that she asked me last time I saw her if we could on her next visit make the same sort of cake we did the previous year; and she now tells me about her friends and other things that are important to her - so I feel we are building a relationship in spite of the distance.
Joining various groups/the W.I./ going to day classes and volunteering all help on a day to day basis. Have you thought about being an independent visitor, giving a few hours of your time a month to a child in care who may have no-one other than those paid to look after him/her, and would like to be supported in the pursuit of a particular interest? You do need to have your own transport, though.I did something similar with the Prince's Trust, and was told I had made a lot of difference to a young person's self confidence over a six month period. It broke my heart to hear from him that he could not believe anyone would do anything for him if they were not paid....

Good luck, and take care of yourself, whatever you decide. We empathise - and are all rooting for you!

Welcome to gransnet sausage my family live within visiting distance so I don't know really how you feel but there as been some really good ideas and suggestions on here hope they help you but see your gp if you are depressed ?

Hi sausages I feel your pain and I am sorry to hear how lonely and depressed you are feeling I don't have children living abroad but my son moved to Lincoln several years ago with his partner and i felt desperately lonely but couldn't tell my husband or daughter because they would just tell me to get over it and my husband was sad as well as they loved talking about footie but.we used to FaceTime once a week and talk on the phone ,I used to live for his home visits thank god after 7 years they split up and became and he came back down south ,but I don't know how old you are but because I love children I started doing volunteering for Homestart who befriend young families who have got no relations near by and need a bit of help with their children and cooking skills,you can do as little as one afternoon a week or more if you are able .if you fancy this just look up Homestart I think they are all over the place.Hope you feel a bit better soon.xx?????

I think that many of us invest too much of our own lives into that of our children. When that happens and there is a separation, the effect can be devastating. Fortunately, there is FaceTime, Skype etc. but you also sound lonely, which can lead to depression. So, depending on your finances and as some here have suggested, the best remedy is to engage in new activities so you keep yourself and your mind happily occupied.

You could enroll in Yoga, Art, Cooking, Sewing classes or any other hobby that you fancy. Charitable organizations are always looking for volunteers. If you are active try ballroom dancing or golf. There are also writer's clubs, gardening clubs, Chess, music clubs, book clubs, movies etc, groups for animal lovers and so much more (you can find local chapters on line). In today's world travel is also much cheaper and easier. Go on a cruise, visit a city you've never been and depending on how far away your loved ones have moved to, perhaps you'll find the time to visit them at least once every year?

Hi Sausages. You are all over the place with your emotions at the moment and understandably so. I have a son and daughter abroad (one in Spain, the other in US). I cant help but get a bit ratty with other people who complain that their DC are "50 miles away". If only. Even Europe is not far and you can get there in a day. It's totally different having DC in Australia, NZ or US. I'm not a great fan of Skype either. It's like people coming to your house and staying in the car to talk to you !! Nevertheless, I am hugely proud of my 'abroad' children and know they have great lives.

Sorry to hear your feeling sad, my youngest DD and 2 GC live in Australia. It broke my heart when she first went shamefully I didn't deal with it well and told her how upset I was. 6 years down the line I've been out to see them 4 times. We FaceTime every 10 days, we watch each other open birthday/ Christmas presents etc. Of course it's not the same but they have a wonderful life out there and I've learned to accept that. For the first time in 6 years they are hoping to come home for 6 weeks this summer and I'm going out there for Christmas, so all is not that bad. However I do have a busy life myself,part time job,hobbies etc, so that is important and has helped me immensely.

Hello sausages123, just to add that I too understand how you feel as I sometimes feel angry and depressed about my son and grandchildren living far away. I am SO envious of others who have family nearby as we have no-one where we live. I find it ever harder having grown up in a big family and always with relatives around. For me, some of the anger is about fear of being alone in my (soon to be) old age and finding it harder and harder to cope. However I guess we just have to accept what life brings and I keep reminding myself that I've been very lucky in the past. DS's family is also very happy and settled and living abroad is definitely right for them. The advice about keeping busy is very true - not easy to do I think - nor is it easy making new friends. I also try to visit my family in north America as many times as I can afford to as the grandchildren are very young. This won't last for ever but if you can, do the same. Best of luck and yes, Gransnet does help too!

Hi, my son lives in Canada and i have a 6 month old grandson I've never met although i skype once a month. I am going to visit in May for three weeks. Are you able to travel to visit your family sometimes? It will give you something to look forward to. I am hoping to visit every other year and they are hoping to visit the other years. Could you do something like that?

Oh sausages, as you can see, there are other gps in your situation. Also, they have found ways to bridge the distance gap. It sounds as this is fairly new for you, and you need time to find out what methods work best for you. If it has been going on for a long time, however, please seek some counseling to help you learn to cope with your feelings.

Oh and besides skype and facetime, don't forget "snail mail" if there are little kids involved. Little ones love to get cards and letters. They might not write back, but they will enjoy and remember what you send.

I am another 'long distance gran' with three very young grandchildren (from our son) in Australia. I totally understand your sadness and also your anger. We also have a daughter in Australia who has just got engaged to an Australian and hopes to start a family with him very soon. Much as we do use FaceTime it can be very frustrating and it is just about impossible to hold any meaningful conversation with the children around. The time difference also makes it tricky as they go to bed early. We have been fortunate enough to visit but know we won't always be able to do so and they seem very unwilling to make the journey here. My best advice is also to try to keep busy and occupy your thoughts with things other than family if you want to keep smiling. Sending you hugs. You are not alone.

I have been reading all the lovely advice people have been giving and it has made me feel so much better because on occasion I too feel very down with no one to talk to. I absolutely agree though that we grans must live our lives for ourselves and not through our children. I'm learning Italian and have been doing so for some 4 years and I enjoy going to the classes every week. It's a good challenge and it is something I can look forward to.

I have a son who's married to an Australian girl and has lived in Oz for the past 14 years. They have no children. We Facetime with him every Sunday morning for about an hour, without fail (barring holidays/illness) and that is such a big help. He's been home a couple of times and we've been out there twice although now we're getting older and hubs health insurance is getting ridiculous!

Our daughter married an American and has lived in the States for 13 years. She has two lovely children. She's been home once (air travel is expensive with little ones) and we've been out there a few times. We also Facetime most weeks. Our granddaughter is coming up for 8, loves ballet and often gives Nana & Grandad a live performance! Grandson is 3 and now. joins in with the conversations and even though we last saw him 18 months ago he seems comfortable with talking with s via Facetime.

I miss my darling children & grandchildren sorely but they are settled in their new countries. Thank goodness for technology!

Even though I'm 67, I still work full-time and have many crafting hobbies to keep me occupied. Just as well because I'm not a 'joiner' (clubs, WRI etc).

I am sorry you are feeling so depressed and angry. But you know, there are many of us just like you and we learn to cope - just as you will, given time.

Hi Sausages. Yes our eldest daughter and son in law have lived in UAE since 2010. Our grandson was born there in 2012. It is very hard and I miss them all so much but am so thankful for the modern technology such as Skype and text messages which keep us in touch and I know what he is getting up to, although when he was a baby it was heartbreaking seeing them on skype because I just wanted to pick him up and snuggle him. There are times when I think about him, or see a photo and have a little cry but I know they all love it there and have a fantastic life, which is what keeps me going. We manage to visit each other two or three times a year which is more than some people manage so I am very thankful for that and cherish the time. Thankfully our other daughter and son in law are only 30 mins away and we were blessed with another grandson last year so I have had lots of snuggles with him. On the positive side.... whenever we do see grandson number 1 he is wanting to "fight you" so Skype fights are less painful...LOL

You have had a bad time and its understandable how you feel. Try to get back into doing things that you enjoy to keep your mind on good times. Talk to us on here if you are feeling sad or lonely.

I'm just about to join the long-distance grandparenting club, too. Not as long-distance as some but still a 4.5 hrs flight away. DD and her family are off to Cyprus for the next couple of years, a great adventure for them and a lovely holiday destination for me. Thank goodness for Skype

Hello Sausages 123, welcome to GN, its a wonderful site and you will get lots of help and encouragement.
Your anger I think is more the reaction of so many losses you have had in the past year, it is hard to come to terms with, then your family moving abroad must have been the last straw. I am sure if you SKYPE more they will feel closer to you, is it possible for you to make the jouney to visit them sometime? I hope you will have some activities you will enjoy in the Spring and Summer, make new friends and things may not feel as bad.I wish you all the best and send a hug to you, take care.

Hi what area are you in , lm in the same situation. Regards Geri !

Do things that get you out of the house and into company.
I take ballroom dancing lessons locally. People come as both couples and singles, it's lovely to see the singles getting together to enjoy learning to dance and just enjoying the company.
Otherwise join local clubs, WI, crafts, U3A, ramblers etc. You don't say how old you are. Could you go along to a local school and read to the children, support people at the local old folks home, set up an Adopt-a-granny scheme between the two?
It's difficult but if you start doing other things, it will also give you interesting topics to chat about when you do get together with the kids whether online or in person.

No experience of children living aborad apart from a daughter who went to China for a year to learn Mandarin. That was bad enough! I can only think of you and hope some peace comes soon. The anger is natural part of grief. You are grieving for lost family and friends so you are very understandably depressed and angry. The only practical suggestion i can make is book in a visit. Then save like mad. Vrery many best wishes coming your way.

Someone further up post hit the nail on the head for me. They said don't live your life through your children. But I do want to.