very difficult time with family and grandchild living abroad

There are days when it can be such a struggle.

It's so reassuring to find so many people in the same situation. My three "children" are all in different countries, and our holidays used to be spent visiting them. My daughter has been in California for 25 years, and my two grandchildren are in Dubai. However, advancing age and insurance costs have meant that we can no longer travel this far and rely on them visiting us. You just accept that they are not coming back, and make your own life. As said before, U3A is great for this with so many different groups. Skype is also a wonderful thing - magic that you can talk to someone 6,000 miles away and see the little ones having their lunch!

So many of us in similar situations. It gives some comfort to know that we all feel similar emotions at times.
My daughter, new son-in -law and granddaughter ( who I was very close to until she left aged 5) emigrated to Australia nine years ago. They now have 4 children and will not travel to Europe for another few years.
So, I make the long journey once a year, mostly on my own. I is costly, tiring, and the climate is pretty tough to live with. BUT spending a few weeks with them all, doing the school run, swimming and joint time away makes up for all that.
FaceTime also helps, and I've found that the more I see them the closer we get.
The hurt never goes away - accepting what is helps a lot . And sharing our worthies and feelings with others....

I too have family abroad, in America. It is lovely when they come over and we see them in the flesh. We visited once but feel too old now and have health considerations. Skype and Face time are a wonderful invention, not the same as real life. I did see my granddaughter open the presents we had sent her birthday. At least that was something we could share. The look on her face was very special. So we have to make the most of modern inventions at least we can see them and they us even if we do look rather wrinkly! I hope you feel a bit better about it soon knowing that so many Gransnetters are in a similar position.

Different circumstances but I'm estranged from my family and I get you. Here to talk anytime . I have health problems so don't get out much or have a social life so am feeling a bit lonely and isolated too x

Just reread this thread and saw I missed the post, Op, where you spoke of all your recent losses. So sad! I'm so very sorry. (((Hugs))) I know you felt angry because you felt no one was there for you. But I imagine some of your anger comes from your grief, too, if that makes any sense.

Glad to see you're planning to "rebuild" your life! When you need someone to "be there" though, I hope you come in here. Lots of sympathetic people here, as you can see.

Hi Sausages - I can really relate to your situation. I call it 'umbilical whiplash' - the sadness and longing have felt so deep and visceral on occasions. Both my daughter and son are in Australia, as well as my two little GC's. Back and forth for the last six years (costly and exhausting) as their life transitions have flown by and missing the everyday minutiae of their lives which is what builds and maintains relationships. Like 'absent', my daughter and I have finally agreed that I'm going to emigrate. Yes, it's going to cost an arm and a leg. Yes, it will mean living in a pretty punishing climate. Yes, it will mean leaving well established friendship groups and activities. Yes, things might go badly wrong. I've come to the conclusion though that the only thing we really leave behind us is the memories of our relationships. I remember my maternal Grandfather with deep fondness (he lived with us until his death when I was nine). Grands can be such an important resource in a family, as long as there is mutual and reciprocal love and respect. Fortunately I am in good health and able to be an active and involved Grannie. The joys (and frustrations!) of family life are deeply rewarding.
I leave the UK for Australia in August. Occasional bouts of 'What on earth are you doing?' but in my heart I know it's the right thing. Fingers crossed!!

Just think of it as your time now, when my hubby died I was alone because he didn't like to mix with people & didn't like me to mix, so all my friends had dropped off apart from one. I looked around for things to join, I joined a Knit & Natter group which meets once a week on a Thursday afternoon, there are more on other days but I just go to the one, then luckily for me about a year later the WI started up in our village & I joined, they have spin off clubs as well like Craft Clubs, Book Clubs, Darts/games night, film club & trips out, I go to craft & film clubs, you meet a lot of people who if you are friendly are friendly back to you. I was always terrified of going alone to anything wouldn't even go for a coffee by myself when out shopping. this has helped me a lot. in fact after film club a friend & I take a disables friend for lunch, this is only once a month but so enjoyable to go out with friends

difficult day is mothers day when family away. I do get a tad envious friends out with their families being spoiled but always get flowers and chocs in the post that makes me cry. enjoy your day all.x

Writing as someone who lives abroad I remember leaving the Uk but my parents were both dead(Both heavy smokers) so I was spared that heartache. Before Mum died I had spent many sleepless nights worrying about leaving her to go to Germany but DH was qualified for such a better job in Germany and we both knew we had to go. As it happened we moved when my DD1 was 3 years old and it was the best thing for us as she had GPs in Germany.
I decided that I would never give my DDs the impression they couldn't leave me to go somehwere else to have a better life. I didn't want them to worry about me.
As it happened we had to go abroad when DD2 was just 18 and we did and spent 5 years back in the UK and they really grew up in that time and are now very independent women.

Dear sausages, I know exactly how you feel and actually started a thread on here many months ago about how to cope when children emigrate. I got many replies which was a great help. It's good to know that the negative and angry feel gs we have at times are shared by many on here. It can be a bit of a strain putting a brave face on it when friends enquire about you children and you have to sound so upbeat when your heart can be breaking about missing them so much. I don't agree that time helps however, as I personally feel sadder than I did, probably because getting older and realising that if you needed them for health reasons and support that they will not be just round the corner. Hobbies and friends ds do help

I just wondered if anyone is going through something similar. I have 2 sons who both live abroad, one in Canada & the other in America. The son in Canada has two children a son who is 4 & a 3 year old daughter They don’t really say a lot on Skype & just walk away it is very difficult building a relationship up over Skype. I love them very much unfortunately my sons don’t really understand & find it hard if I get emotional (in front of the) not in front of my grandchildren & can’t deal with it all. I would like to talk to someone who is struggling like me. I will feel better tomorrow but the problem is still there & won’t go away.

Tynsall, why not start a new thread (rather than reviving a three year old one)?

Right now, I don't think distance makes much difference at all. A lot of us just aren't seeing family, haven't for almost a year.

It's true that Skype and Zoom aren't the same as meeting. We have to be very careful what we say if the grandchildren are around. (Save negative stuff for phone calls.)

We don't have much news either. 'What have you been up to?' usually gets the answer 'Nothing!'.

It's time to see the situation as a challenge (rather than a problem), and concentrate on what we can do, rather than dwell on what we can't.

It's an opportunity, too, to adapt to circumstances, to fill our days with new and interesting things (hobbies, crafts, films, reading, gardening, walks - lots to choose from).

Look forward to next year, perhaps when we can reunite with loved ones, but it's an independent life for now.