I lost my husband to cancer almost 2 years ago. Please remember it’s not personal. My husband pushed me away at first he wanted to do everything alone. He told me to get out and said it was nothing to do with me. He got very angry when I said I was going through it too. He was my life and I wanted to be there for him but at first he would let me near. He even had me removed for the hospital after I found out where he was and went up.
He was very ill and he felt like he was no longer the person people knew. He was also very angry and became very inward and indifferent to others feelings the illness takes over and changes everything. This was at first and things did change.
Life got better and he allowed me in, I cared for him right up to his last breath, but he was very selective about who he wanted to see. Mostly me, our kids and our grand kids.
I found a lot of his friends didn’t want to know anyway his work ( he fire service) didn’t care and we really found out who are friends were.
He did eventually see people once he had come to terms with things and he did say good bye to most people he cared about but his perception of friends really changed and became more specialized if that makes sense. .
I now it’s hard and heart breaking but the situation is far more complex than you can ever imagine. I lived it for two and a half years. When my husband pushed me away, I wrote to him. I wrote cards notes and text messages. I thought he would die and not let me be there so I actually wrote and said good bye. He came around and I had two and a half years with him. Can your daughter write to her friend ?
I think all she can do is let her friend and the family know she is there for her and say “if there is anything I can do” ( but only if she means it) give it time and remember it’s not personal.
As for what to say, my husband appreciated a bit of normality and something that wasn’t about cancer. This is her best friend she knows what she likes and she should try and see her friend not the illness.
My man wanted people to talk about dying, funerals and death. Must of all he wanted others not to make out he was a saint and keep their sense of humour. But everyone is different.
Recently my best friends husband was dying and as I had gone through it I tried to be there for my friend she contacted me once or twice and told me when he died but largely didn’t involve me. I know it’s not about me it’s about her and him. Every now and then I send a text to say I hope she is ok to remind her she’s not alone but I don’t get offended when she doesn’t answer.
Dealing with death is very overwhelming and emotional you daughter's friend and her family will be trying to cope and come to terms as they go on. No one prepares you for what they are going thought there is no right or wrong way to feel act or behave.