Could/should I have said/done more?

Why does everyone assume the woman involved was a childminder and why the inference that the kids were unsupervised when the two women with them were sitting nearby?

You don't have to be breathing down their necks teaching them table manners all the time. They were eating sandwiches, not a Royal banquet!

Can the attacks on saak cease until she returns to speak for herself? Calling someone an idiot is a personal insult.

"Im also in the childcare industry and employ by the way I see them interact with the kids. It's something you can't get a level or degree in.. Its so simple. I can see it a mile off.^" ^stillaliveandkicking Sun 26-Feb-17 21:02:57

Fair comment GG but it concerns me even more that these are the views of someone actively employed in 'the childcare industry'. I am confident that they are not views held by most child minders. I've only had contact with 2, both of whom were intelligent, caring and thoroughly reliable.

stiIlaliveandkicking
Yes 10 minutes is too long to leave young children alone. Also children should have an adult sat with them while eating. For supervision, to teach table manners and give them assurance that someone is there to care. You are so typical of some of todays parents, as long as your children arn't bothering you, then leave them to get on with things.
You make me sick. Read tbe text and you'd realizable they are under five so YES they do need micro managing as you put it. Idiot

In this day and age to leave a child under 5 unsupervised is not recommended in my opinion. I won't go into them, but there are so many dangers out there involving young children. I think you were right to be concerned, but don't actually think you could have done anything about it, other than what you did, this behaviour makes my blood boil when it involves the care of toddlers that cannot tell you other than by crying.

Wow stillaliveandkicking that's a bit strong, she was doing what any normal person would do when seeing a distressed child.

Whether it was a childminder or a relative, 10 minutes is too long for such a little 'un to be crying alone.

If you are responsible for a child who is upset for that long, and you are aware of it, you need to do something. Even if you're trying a "time out", for him to cool down after a tantrum, it clearly isn't working if the distress goes on so long.

If you are the responsible one and you aren't aware of it, then why aren't you? If the child is that young, 10 minutes away is far too long. A hell of a lot can happen in 10 minutes. Accidents, for a start, but abductions too. Okay, they are rare events, but they do happen. You can't take your eyes off them for that long.

I've got to be honest and admit that I've always applied the above to my own kids and grandkids, but not to other people's children. I've helped lost kids, and I've kept an eye on others who look like they might be on their own, but I've never intervened and given another parent (or childminder) a telling-off for being neglectful. I've thought it but not said it. Cowardice, I'm afraid, and fear of "making a scene."

I wondered if the child had got in a paddy because he had been told off, perhaps for hurting one of the other children; the woman could even have been the child's mother and was cross with him therefore he was asking for 'Daddy'.
However, I would be keeping an eye on 2-3 year olds all the time, especially when they are eating as they tend to talk, laugh with food in their mouths and could choke.

That aside, years ago I knew someone who was a childminder (her DD was a friend of my DD) and I did notice how cold she was towards the children, including her own, and especially towards one of the little girls whom she child-minded. It did worry me that these children were spending the time between school and being picked up by this woman who was really quite verbally unkind. That was before the days of registered child-minders.
I never knew whether or not to say anything to the mother and we moved soon afterwards but I've not forgotten it.

First we don't know if it was a paid childminder. Secondly he could quite easily have been a child who ran off in a strop to that area and then started crying because he was ignored and don't say rubbish because it has happened to me a few times with my young gd. Thirdly you say 10 mins how do you know it was that long? And last nothing wrong with kids eating and not being watched 24 hours, the other kids will soon shout if attention is needed. Saying all this, the right thing was done, ask if he is ok, wouldn't talk, well has been told not to talk to strangers so I don't think you could or should have done anymore.

I hate it when I read 'judgy' comments from people in response to what, to my mind, was a perfectly understandable concern of the OP. As my nan used to say "It's not what you say, it's the way that you say it".

I'm with you you Newquay - a wee child crying is upsetting and 10 minutes is a very long time when you're little.

Where small children are concerned it is sometimes necessary to make a judgment to prevent harm. This is really difficult to get right in this sort of situation but I'm sure I would have been just as worried as Newquay.

Newquay, Like you I like to err on the side of caution, so I probably would have done the same thing. Once the child was reunited with the caregiver however, there was not much else you could have done.
Re: Judging others... Everyone has a right to question and to voice their opinions and concerns...that's exactly what forums like this one are for. Some of you who criticized Newquay of being 'judgmental' may want to ask yourselves if what you said about her wasn't likewise judgmental.

SAAK You are being just as judgemental as anyone else on here. I have not been on GN very long, but long enough to see that on almost every post you seem to go out of your way to be obnoxious.

Maybe the OP guessed the Child's age, but the bottom line here is that the Boy was left alone. If I were looking after a young one like that they would be coming to the toilet with me, it is NEVER ok these days to leave a small child alone like that, Good grief Woman you only have to read the news!

Of course it is ok for the kids to eat their sandwiches at another table, in most cases that is fun and a bit of an adventure, in this case he was upset so in my book very much not ok.
OP I don't think you could have done anymore than you did, good job there are some kind people still around.

In answer to the OP's question - No, you weren't being unreasonable at the time. You are being unreasonable by making assumptions, and worse then posting those assumptions on here. The childminder may well have been mortified that the child was upset and said the minimum to cover her embarrassment. I wouldn't even have thought about the children eating at a table without overt adult supervision. There may well have been other adults (the other children's carers) keeping an eye on them. Basically, YOU DON'T KNOW, so shouldn't post your assumptions on a public forum.
I've been to a soft play centre with my GS and, yes, I've been slightly concerned at the apparent lack of supervision, but it is just that apparent. We don't know.
You did the right thing at the time though.

Oh dear Elegran says a lot.....or not

Takes a village to raise a child. Pity some don't feel the same.

2-3 should be 'micro managed' think poor Jamie Bulgaria. What an unhelpful reply. 10 minutes is a long long time to a 2 year old. Never take your eyes off a toddler.

Newquay I think you did what most caring people would have done by trying to find the little boy's parents

stillalive kids in play areas don't usually curl up crying in a corner .... I guess that was the clue to him being unhappy.

"Maybe she was in the toilet, 10 minutes is nothing" !!! Oh come on.
That's a flippant remark .... Again like most grandparents, my GS is never out of my sight when I'm responsible for his care and safety. Neither were my old children. They're too precious and don't recognise danger. But of course you're entitled to your own opinion .....

Well even if it was forgivable to leave a child to cry for a few minutes (occasionally it is appropriate) the fact the carer wasn't alert to strangers talking to the child for several minutes was more worrying! There was time for the OP to have led the child away to danger in that time.

I am reluctant to wade into what is in danger of becoming a contentious thread (!) but I always find that anybody else's child crying really upsetting while my own could be doing their version or World War III on the soermarket floor and I knew they were fine!
I think your reaction was entirely understandable and perhaps would add just one thing, by engaging in conversation with the minder/mum whoever at such an incident, you are at least signalling what you have seen, that you might recognise the person again and that you are aware.
It might make her more careful, or think twice and in the unlikely event of real neglect coming to light, you were a witness.
Nobody is infallible, DD plus a friend plus a nanny who had 4 children between them to keep an eye on managed to "lose" DGS aged 2 in a multi-storey car park for several minutes while the little tinker hid behind one of the pay-on-foot machines. Worst moments of her life, my blood still runs cold.

I noticed that too, mcem

As I said at 11.35.48 that thread did become unpleasant with what some saw as racist undertones. The reference to being part of the chidcare industry was almost incidental.

Not an attack of any kind, personal or not, just a statement of fact which I am sure SAAK would agree with and has hinted at in the past.

That post was in the thread about what people look for when interviewing prospective employees, BTW.

Interesting Elegran. I was, obviously wrongly, thinking from the name that Jingl was back!

That's very interesting Elegran! But be careful, you'll be accused of making "personal attacks "!