How can I make my daughter lose weight?

PS - it's never too late - am 70 and enjoying life much more than when I was overweight. Dance classes, walking, Pilates - she won't regret it - maybe you could pay for some SW classes and yes go with her. I didn't want to become diabetic like my Mothrr or have high blood pressure. It's mind over matter and you have to just eat healthily with no fats or sugar to speak of and smaller portions with plenty of veg.

Bebe47 I am going the Slimming World way but not exactly in that I have made a list of the foods I am allowed to eat and a list of those I should not eat. I make up my meals (at least OH does) from the OK list. I do not go to a clinic/class because I hate all the weighing in an talking about food. I just get on with it, and I have almost lost a stone now. It works! I do not feel hungry. What is there to lose except the fat? Does not cost any more than eating normally and I am not restricted to milk shakes or powders. I eat a balanced diet and I feel very active. When I have lost another half a stone I can have my knee fixed and that is my goal.

as a 'morbidly obese' person myself I am horrified that so many people out there think its just a case of not eating so much and exercise to be done without a second thought. It is so easy for thin people to criticise. What is this obsession with being scrawny!
I have no health problems and sail through my yearly mot, eat more healthily than most of my friends but I am still told I need to lose weight.
Leave the poor girl alone - if she is happy then who are we to decide for her what size she needs to be?

Messy cake I watched part of that programme and wish I had listened to it all especially about the brains reaction

Worriednan not sure your daughter is happy about the situation but obviously she has come to terms with it and wants to enjoy life. Doesn't feel she can do anything about it, has given it her best shot , so is making the best of her life and wants everyone to accept her as she is.

The worst thing for her if people focus on her weight. Hopefully one day she will decide to do something about it and have the strength and mindset to follow through. I wish someone would take me in hand and help me loose weight but I know only I can do it. Just got back from an hours walk along the beach, so that at least makes me feel good and is gently exercise.

MaggieMay69 Well done to you! Well done to your daughter, and the bonus is she has made new friends along the way plus you must both be healthier than you were before. So impressed with what you have achieved.

Apparently the fat never goes but the cells just shrink, which is a depressing thought. Once formed, they are sitting there waiting to be filled again .....

Which may be more of a reason for someone who has been fat to find it difficult stay slim after losing weight than someone who would appear to be 'naturally slim'.

We are obsessed with weight and yet there are schools of thought that it is not of great significance Fta Fabrications used to have a lot to say about this, the Russians have a fat ballet corps.

Does she have heart trouble? You can be fat and fit.

One in 1000 people die during gastric band surgery, she has had surgery twice now.

If she doesnt care and all of this has happened to her why do you care? Please dont tell me you worry about her heart because she has had risky surgery twice, where else can she go from here? How many risks would satisfy your compulsion to reduce her heart risk.

I am fat and hate it. I know I would do better to be thinner HOWEVER for other reasons I eat and maybe I prefer the comfort that brings me.

If she decides for herself she will lose weight..........she decided to try the band and didn't get on with it, options don't come much mre drastic than that.

Leave her be you may make things worse if you don't.

My heart goes out to you. My brother was morbidly obese since hs 40's and had a heart condition. He was much older than your daughter when he had a heart attack, and they decided to operate. He did not survive the surgery and was on life support for 10 days, but they had to turn it off because his kidneys would not pick up and work again.

Dawn French, who I follow as I love her humour, always felt comfortable being a big girl. But later, she changed her mind for health reasons.

www.goodtoknow.co.uk/wellbeing/548453/dawn-french-weight-loss

Your daughter is shortening her future and a full life with her children, family and friends. When they woke my brother from his induced coma so family could say good-bye, he was weeping whilst gasping from being off the ventilator. He knew he'd screwed up big time.

It bothers me so much even a year on that he felt like he was being 'executed'. They were going to turn off a switch. He did not have a disease to prepare himself for the end, neither was he in an accident. His weight was his executioner and the reason he did not survive surgery.

That sounds so upsetting for everyone, lewlew.

you cant make her lose weight she needs to do it herself,my daughter is very overweight due to her health issues and all the medication she takes.I worry about her all the time BUT I would never say anything about weight to her.That would just make her feel worse than she does already.She cant exercise because of the pain she's in constantly...she tries yoga when she has a good spell and gets benefits from it mentally .If your daughter is happy wth how she is and it doesn't impact on her life then leave her be .My mother was always weight obsessed I grew up thinking I was fat though I was never bigger than a size 12 during her life,even on my wedding day she thought my dress was "neat" around my bust because I hadn't lost "enough" weight...I was an 8 ! I understand there are health issues but SHE has to see them for herself you cant do it for her.IF /WHEN she decides to lose it just be there to support never criticise

Can I just endorse what petalmoore has just said ? I gained weight and fir some reason could not motivate myself to do much about it. The trigger for me was the risk of diabetes, potential loss of limbs etc. I started the LCHF in January and have lost 32lbs dropping from a size 20 to a 14. My bloods and liver etc are normal. I didn't want to put my kids through losing their mum. That is a very strong motivation.

There is a lot of support for people following the LCHF way of eating, with forums online. Im never hungry and eat delicious food. I don't miss carbs.

Firstly I would like to say you can't make anyone loose weight . She has to want to loose weight herself .It also sounds like that your daughter has excepted the weight she is. Probably after many years of trying .Have you heard of the ketogenic diet . I'm not very good at explaining so it might be best to look on line for that. The ketogenic diet works for me and many others , it also helps with blood sugars if your diabetic . You also have to look at the problem of menopause. There are so many reasons for weight gain. Supermarkets don't help nowadays either so much process food on the shelves. Your daughter works so she might be too tired when she gets home to cook a meal from scratch . Could you make her some meal ? The older generation always made dinners ,no process. Breakfast was bacon and eggs . It still is in my house . Does your daughter eat a lot of carbs ? That's the culprit for a lot of weight gain , bread , pasta , biscuits , cakes . It's madness . There is to much rubbish in the way of food out there these days . So much temptation . My late mother said , if you don't want to eat it don't buy it . Sometimes though that must be hard. I do hope your daughter finds a way to help herself , but to be honest just tell her everyday how much you love her. That's the most important thing . Love !

I understand your concern for your daughter, but as someone who has battled with weight issues for years I would advise leaving the girl alone. Also, don't bother with SW and WW and others, if they worked they would go out of business. They make a fortune out of making people, chiefly women, feel unhappy about their appearance and a lot of the food is processed crap. I went to SW recently, and yes I did lose some weight and have kept it off, but that was through eating lean meat, lots of veg and cutting out white flour. SW class was always about how to make a 'mock trifle' out of processed, artificial sweetened non foods, not good for anyone and they wreck blood sugar levels and thus increase food cravings. If she is getting ample, gentle exercise such as walking or cycling, is able to do what she wants to do with her family and hold down a responsible job then she is obviously doing ok. Yes, being overweight will have an impact on her joints, and it may be that which will cause her to review her diet in the future. Don't judge, don't comment, although I do understand it must be hard. I am not and have never been morbidly obese, more of a fluctuating 14-18, but would find it humiliating if my DM questioned my food choices when I am an adult, raising a family and holding down a responsible job. Just enjoy your lovely daughter!

Her friends are all normal ish in their weight. My worry is that her mobility is already constrained greatly by her weight and so exercise is not possible - walking any distance is already too much. No one judges her and everyone loves her but as her mother I worry so much about the consequences. The doctor has confirmed that she is putting her heart under a huge strain. What I struggle to understand is that she loves life and loves her family and friends so why risk losing everything?

Also I never say anything about her food choices - frankly it's way beyond worrying about individual meals and things.

worriednan.Don't push. There is always an 'underlying problem' that makes a person eat in excess of what their body needs so they become obese or they go the other way where they deny themselves food.Overeat to compensate for something missing in their lives is usually the main reason or a medical imbalance that although they may not be overeating the body says the opposite.
The opposite then is the denying of food which those who do this feel 'unworthy'.It is not always about wanting to wear the latest fashions and look like models but out of control of their lives for some reason or another ie pressure to do well to gain admiration from a pushy parent or just to conform to your bosses's expectations is just the tip of the iceburg.Consequently the only thing they do have control over, like the opposite one who over indulges, is what food they eat.
You say your daughter s happily married with a good job.In other words she is in your view 'happy'Are you a fly on the wall.Do you really see it all.?
I can understand your frustration.Yes I too have been in a not unlike situation as yourself.Your daughter is an adult with a growing family You can't tell her what to do.All I can suggest is that you on your own have professional advice on how you can help your daughter as you fear for her health.You will not be alone and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Sorry, missed out don't push.

I hope I didn't offend you worriednan that certainly was not my intent,and it does sound as if your DD has mobility problems too. It is incredibly hard to understand why people overeat when all the information is there. Just be there, and be as non-judgmental as you are obviously are. Do your grandchildren ever say anything? Sometimes a child being embarrassed by a parent being unable to say, fit into an airline seat, or theme park ride, can be the trigger to the parent taking control.

Worriednan, I can understand your daughter wanting her gastric band removed. Although not in the position of needing one myself, I was interested in how they worked and researching, read that they are not the easy fix that many people assume. For example, once in place, the restrictions on portion size mean that social interaction is very much affected. Sitting at a table whilst everyone else enjoys a meal can be quite distressing.

I agree with many other posters that only your daughter can decide what is right for her, although I can see how desperate you are to help her - you are in a very difficult position. She may also have my old disease 'reverse anorexia', a nasty problem in which one looks in the mirror and instead of seeing a bit of a blob, one actually sees a slim, lithe version of me!

It is possible to be both fat and fit although the restriction of extra weight does make exercise more difficult but it is possible. Of course, there will also be a knock-on effect on her bones and joints which in later years could cause hip and knee problems.

Diabetes is another challenge but I am sure you know all of this.

In terms of helping your daughter, all I can suggest is that you perhaps see if she will accompany you to a jolly type if fitness class (Zumba, line dancing, etc) but NOT a 'gym', per se and suggest that you need to lose weight and would she join you?; Even idly flick through a magazine and show her pretty clothes mentioning that she would really suit that outfit in terms of colour etc., leaving unsaid the fact that the clothes would not be made in a huge size.

A photograph helped me to overcome my 'RA (as above) so could you take some - preferably really unflattering - shots of her standing or sitting by a slim person, thus showing the difference in size

Lastly you could just and tell her just how worried you are! Ask her to do some, or show her some basic research on how her current lifestyle is affecting her body long term.

A poster mentioned that losing weight post-menopause is more difficult as the skin sags and wrinkles - and it does, I know!

Ultimately, only your daughter can decide if she wants to lose weight and although you could influence her decision (health worries etc.) only she can begin the weight-loss journey. Repeatedly nagging will definitely make her drag her heels.

I wish you both the best of luck

I think the decision has to be hers. Some years ago my DD, who was in her 30s at the time, was about 4 stone overweight. My DH said to me 'tell her she needs to lose weight'. I said 'why don't you tell her? Do you think she doesn't know?' Eventually she lost over 4 stone. She did it herself with no help from gastric bands or slimming clubs etc. She said looking at a photograph of herself prompted her into taking action. She did fantastically well and has kept her weight down. Good luck to your DD.

I can not offer a solution to the problem and I know how worrying it is. My MIL was big and it did cause problems, she developed type2 diabetes and she had osteo-arthritis which ultimately killed her when she was 58. The drugs taken to alleviate the arthritis caused Aplastic anaemia which caused her premature death.
MIL broke furniture in our house and we always worried about chairs collapsing and her injuring herself.

I agree with Nannaandgrampy. You can't "make her". You say many people are worried about her, but she won't listen. It sounds like the poor woman is under a lot of pressure from a deluge of negative comments! Clearly, she has tried all sorts of diets or she wouldn't have got to the gastric band. Is she technically 'morbidly obese'? It doesn't sound like it since she has a job she loves and an active social life (lots of friends). Rather than constantly trying to change her (which is hardly going to make your time together happy for her), consider educating yourself about the body positivity movement.

PS I forgot to say that my blood sugars are now back to normal and my GP is now very interested in this way of eating. I have also lost some weight, though not as much as Seasidenana - very impressive! I wasn't at my heaviest when I started , though, as I had been doing the 5:2 diet before that, and on that diet you soon learn to cut the carbs as they have so many calories that 500kc of, say, pasta, makes for only a tiny portion.

The Diet Doctor website is at
www.dietdoctor.com/

I totally understand why you are worried and it is so hard to feel you don't know how to help. But I agree with the people who say she has to do this for herself - I cannot believe she is not worried , but she may not want to say so. I have lost nearly 3 stone and kept it off for 7 years and am sure we need to consider our psychology if we want to eat healthily; we all really know we need to avoid much sugar , for instance, but the issue is being able to eat appropriately and stay there without too much struggle. I am reading, with friends, a book which I think may give a basis for understanding why your talking to your daughter may actually be counter productive. The book is called Counselling for Toads and is by Robert de Board; strange name for a book! It is using Toad from the Wind in the Willows/Toad of toad Hall as a fictional basis for presenting a way to understand ourselves; it is a very accessible read. I think it also provides a basis for understanding more about why we may want to eat more than we need, but that is another story. Maybe one day I will write that other story! I've thought about it a lot.

Although it is of course your daughters choice, I wonder if she knew how worried you are, she may think again. I wouldn't be too hesitant in broaching the subject. This is about her health, not her weight. I wouldn't be fooled by her laughing it off. There will be a reason why she eats so compulsively. My sister was in this situation and sad to say, she had a heart attack a few years ago and died on the way to the hospital. She was in her fifties. It may be that she'd have had it anyway but her weight may have affected her survival chance. I'd just go for it...it doesn't matter if it upsets her. I think you need to be cruel to be kind in this case.