What would you have done?

..and I would also track down the parents of the boy and tell them how brave he was and what he had done - they need to know too.

An interesting discussion. Well done gillybob for your intervention, so many people just let things like this go unchallenged. For me it's the use of foul language around children. Today's society is turning a deaf ear and saying nothing. I was in Toysrus the other day and a man (in his 30s) was on his telephone having s discussion (not an angry one) but was using foul language including the F word. There were children close by as well as staff members who ignored him. I tapped him on the shoulder and said "please be aware of your language". He ended his call and apologised to me. On another note how sad that grans cannot give their opinion without others being nasty, such a shame. Maybe another reflection on today's attitudes and what some deem as acceptable behaviour.

If grans are doing childcare, pickups etc, then they do have a voice (to a certain extent at least!) - we should not be the silent servants of our children. We have lots of valuable experience and input of our own - so we should be able to speak out if it feels right to do so.

Don't be put off by people who say "don't do it for fear of....". You did the right thing & he intimidated you too so you have a right to act for yourself as well as the boy. Tell staff, tell the boy's parents then you can rest. People told me not to report drug dealers outside our house & a police officer for racist language for fear of retaliation but there are some things we have to do because it is right & the duty of any citizen so the bullies don't get more of the upper hand they than already have.

I think the school should be informed. I believe they can then use this incident (without using the actual identifying circumstances) to teach children about bringing things that are very precious into school. A moral life lesson for all.

Who knows someone else staff or pupil may have seen the lad take the hat, and presumed it was his.

I think as an ex Head that schools must have due regard to teaching children about life in general, in this case both for children who have may have possessions stolen and for those that may be tempted to steal

I think you certainly did the right thing by trying to intervene on behalf of the poor lad. I haven't read the whole thread but if it hasn't been suggested could you mention it to a teacher?
I'm not sure that much can be done but it sounds like this Dad could do with a taste of his own medicine.

You should definitely speak to someone at school about it. That sort of behaviour is unacceptable and is not tolerated. I would imagine that the father knows full well what he has done, as does his son, but probably won't have the good grace to do the right thing.

The Father will not own up even if it was the sons cap, as in his mind he will lose face.
He is a bully and by the description of what went on he behaved like a thug.
To be fair the school are probably aware id him.

Gillybob, it's god to see so much support for you here. I still believe this incident should be reported to the head teacher. It may be that a brief letter is the best way of ensuring the head knows before the end of term. If the head wants s to discuss it, she can get in touch with you. I wouldn't try and speak to the parents of the little boy who clearly believed it was his cap. I'd mention to the head that I didn't want to aggravate the situation by doing that but hope that school will take the action the see as appropriate.
I'd be surprised if this child and his family aren't 'well known' in school.

Meant to say 'finders isn't keepers'.
It's stealing. Remember banning my two taking prized possessions to school because they either got lost, stolen or broken!

A difficult situation and not much more you could do in reality. would follow up by reporting it to school office and hope they will sort it out but once the cap has gone home it will be hard for school to deal with either. A horrid man who is setting an appalling example for his son.

I think you did the right thing in standing up to this man Gillybob and I agree that it would be advisable to let the school know what happened on behalf of the polite little boy as he might have got a telling off for losing his cap, also for the boy who was believed to have stolen it. Who knows what his life is like with a father like that and the school may have to intervene if there other situations regarding this child in the future.

It is good to read the responses by so many gransnetters. How sad that of the many who contribute to a request for advice there are a few who can only respond in a negative or hostile manner.

You did the right, and brave, thing, Gillybob - I wonder if I would have been as brave ...

I think Jalima's suggestion is a good one ie try to speak to the parents - if only to reassure them that their son is also brave and polite.

Gillybob to my mind the quote "it only takes good men to stand by and do nothing for evil to succeed " ..... seems to sit well in this situation, you did the right thing and certainly make the school aware.

We make the mistake of trying to apply logic to illogical adults, who are usually aggressive too. Any father who is not willing to provide proof like that, clearly thinks it's ok to teach his son to steal, and to lie. Unfortunately many parents are like this, I am appalled at what I see and hear while working in a school. Many schools have Police liaison officers attached to them and informing aggressors that you are involving them usually focuses them, but the school should definitely be involved so it goes on record and they know exactly what sort of people they are dealing with.

I have been horrified at how much the staff at my grandchildren's school have to put up with. They tried to stop mum's arriving in the morning still in their PJ's as it was a bad example for the children, and tried to stop car parking in clearly marked no parking areas for safety reasons. Both attempts ended in verbal abuse and threatening behaviour.
When I sit in the waiting room of the local health centre and read the notices about abuse to the staff there it seems it is the norm now. Is it too late to try and stop it?

As the father in question is known to be a nasty, aggressive psiece of work, he would probably have no compunction about intimidating the head teacher if she/he tried to remonstrate with him about his behaviour in the playground. The HT is most likely well aware of his reputation and thus hesitant to tackle him. But is it possible for him to be banned from the school playground? If there's still a LEA in your area, they might be able to sort that out.

Sorry I've just seen this, so it's a bit late in the day, but I wanted to say well done, Gillybob. That was really brave and good of you. At least the children involved saw an adult setting a good example.

I do hope you've let the school know about this, and that you're not still feeling bad about anything. You should be quite proud of yourself.

Well done Gillybob I hope I would have done the same.

However, I would leave it at that. The other boy has nice parents, they will hug him and make him feel better, and he will get over losing the cap whereas the boy who now has it probably feels bad and embarrassed about it and about his father, and if it is taken further, he will be even more humiliated.

I think you were very correct Gillybob well done you handled that really well but like most on here I think it should be followed up, myself I would have found out who the polite boy was and told his parents and let them do the rest or gone into the office although I m not sure they would have done too much but you can't stand back in life and let bad things happen My daughter nearly got beaten up yesterday as she intervened in a man punching his wife/girlfriend she said people were watching and a row of taxi drivers were just sat looking she went up and shouted at him to stop, he turned to start on her but luckily someone must have called the police as they drove up just at that moment but she was so angry that no one had tried to stop him

Very upsetting
What future does that boy have with a father like that.
I would speak to the head teacher about this, let them deal with it.

Well done to your daughter BlueBelle, what a horrible experience for her.
You did well Gilly , you bravely did what others would have ignored. I also think it's very upsetting.

My son-in-law takes my grandson to football practice every Saturday morning, and there is one child there who bullies the other children. My SIL has a kick about with the kids before the lesson and has had to stop this child on several occasions from kicking other, smaller, children. A couple of weeks ago this child's father threatened to punch my SIL if he didn't stop 'picking on his son'. When my SIL told him what was going on he threw a punch, which thankfully missed my SIL. Now we know why the child is a bully!

Agree with all who say tell the school. Do it discretely if you feel awkward about it, but I bet the school know there's a problem and will be grateful for any information

GillyBob - You know you did the right thing. Please do tell a senior member of staff about the incident. Any primary school I've worked in would have wanted to know what you saw and heard.