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My Grans unannounced daily visits

(136 Posts)
Thistlerose1 Fri 21-Jul-17 10:21:51

Hi.. I'm having an issue with my Gran.. She visits me unannounced nearly every day and I can't think of anything else but the anxiety I feel about her next visit.. We have completely different personalities and I find her nasty, rude and a trouble maker.. I love her but i do not like her.. She looks at my phone, she reads my mail over my shoulder, she will glance at my calendar and discuss me with anyone and everyone.. She has a constant need to know every single detail about my life that has no bearing on her.. She tells me she comes to visit my son and not me!!! I also have two other children so this makes me extremely mad.. I feel an overwhelming anxiety when she comes and it's got to the point that I can't bare her, every single thing she does annoys me.. I find myself withholding silly information from her just because I don't want her to know EVERYTHING as I know this satisfies her.. Please help, I don't want to regret feeling like this.. Thanks you in advance..

Thistlerose1 Tue 25-Jul-17 15:38:59

Yes my Mum lives in a different city but it's only 27 miles away, they usually visit her once a week but because the house they have been offered is close to my mums they have been that way gathering info about the area.. I was prepared to say my piece but I was in the middle of decorating my kitchen so it was not a good time to be laying down laws as I didn't even stop to really acknowledge them.. I've heeded the kind advice and I'm merely updating as some posters asked to be kept updated smile xx

Thistlerose1 Tue 25-Jul-17 15:43:07

Is there a way to end or delete a post? Xx

GillT57 Tue 25-Jul-17 16:01:44

we are not all grans on here....

BlueBelle Tue 25-Jul-17 16:21:41

Ok Thistlerose sounds as if it will all sort itself out to your advantage soon

You can either ask admin to delete your posts or just stop posting and it should die off on its own accord no other way I know off to stop a thread

Good luck

Nanabilly Tue 25-Jul-17 17:23:17

Lets hope your gran likes the house she is looking at and then maybe your problem will sort itself out . I don't think you are slow in taking up any suggestions as some have said. You have to pluck up the courage to do it or find the right moment . Good luck with it whenever you decide to tackle it .

BlueBelle Tue 25-Jul-17 17:33:04

Nanabilly it's one of those things that if it's not done at the time with all this support behind the poster it won't be done Some things you have to take the bull by the horns whilst you ve got good back up If she's been putting up with for a very long time her best chance of changing the situation is to do it when there's dozens of people spurring her on

Nanabilly Tue 25-Jul-17 20:58:33

Yes bluebelle I see what you are saying but for some it does not happen like that ,some people need time to work out how ,when and why they are going to do things. Me , I would just do it and think nothing of upsetting folks ,years ago it would have been so different ,I would dither for weeks and be afraid of hurting someone never mind if they had hurt me . Suppose it comes with age and experience. OP is obviously not the kind of person who just goes in ,even with people backing her up and giving ideas of how to deal with a problem, she needs time to sort it out in her head first and that is fine too . Good job we are not all the same.

BlueBelle Tue 25-Jul-17 21:30:20

No i m totally getting what your saying Nanabilly and agree I m just saying the poster has obviously been procrastinating about it for so long that the only way is to do what is needed to break the cycle because that's what it is, a habit they have both fallen into i m far from someone who jumps in never have been I procrastinate and go over and over things but I know from my own experience you can go on for ever thinking it over and sometimes you just have to break your norm and do it, then you feel 100 % better

Bambam Sat 12-Aug-17 12:47:07

You seem to feel sorry for her as she is old. Old people are just people who have lived a long time. You should treat her as you would anyone of any age. We're all going to die! If that's why you think you may regret being firm with her.
Just tell her straight that you don't want her visiting every day. If she says that she's cone to visit your son not you, which by the way sounds very rude, tell her you don't want her visiting him every day. She's selfish and bullying you. If she takes offence, hard luck. She dosnt care about you taking offence at her Unwanted Visits.
Just tell her She Can Come One Day A Week i.e Mondays, And Stick With It. You Should Not Be Made Anxious By This Bullying Woman.

DameJudyClench Sat 12-Aug-17 13:57:17

What a stressful situation Thistlerose1

The thing that would upset me more than the comments, would be the display of blatant preference for one child over the others. My mother's like this, and it's very hurtful for the other children (even if they do try to avoid her)

As other people have said, your health - mental and physical, should be the priority here. If other family members now avoid her because of her attitude, that's her problem and not yours. She needs to be told that her behaviour is unacceptable, no matter what her age is. Your home is supposed to be your sanctuary, not hers.