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How to get back on track

(44 Posts)
grannyactivist Wed 02-Aug-17 12:29:00

For the past few months I've been going through the mill a bit. There have been lots of problems to contend with: a new (initially very poorly) grandchild; close relatives with mental illness; fighting the benefits system on behalf of family members and clients of my homeless project; my mother and sister both very ill (ongoing) and a myriad of other disparate difficulties that go along with having a large and much loved family and several community roles working with needy people. Plus I've been a bit poorly myself.

Many of these difficulties are ongoing, but for now the crises are (almost) over and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Yet I can't seem to shake off the weariness I feel. I'm normally a 'pollyanna' type - bubbling and bouncing from one thing to the next and now I'm feeling the weight of burdens that seem unresolvable.

For example:
*We've just had a young Tamil lad from Sri Lanka staying with us for a while. He has, literally, seen most of his family killed and has himself been tortured. He came here with nothing aged 16 and is now 18, going to college and making a life for himself. Our government is sending others back to almost certain torture and death in Sri Lanka; so I fear for this boy.
*Several relatives are suffering from mental illness. One, with extremely severe paranoid schizophrenia, has just had a PIP assessment and been told to sign on - he is incapable of working and his illness has consequently become worse. There is nothing more I can do to help and I'm afraid he may kill himself.
*Most of the homeless people I work with have harrowing back stories and yet are having to fight for a roof over their heads. The resources to help are constantly shrinking, the small local charities that would once have offered support have closed and the statutory support is so limited as to be almost useless.

I could go on and on; but the bottom line is that whilst I live in a warm and caring community it feels as though people on the margins are being constantly ground down - and I can only see things getting worse for them! I try to dwell on the positives, but right now I'm finding it hard and just can't seem to find that switch in my mind to get back to normal. Maybe I just need a holiday. confused
Sorry for the long post.

grannyqueenie Fri 04-Aug-17 17:45:41

I've missed your interesting and thought provoking posts GrannyA and wondered how you were these days. I'm so sorry to hear that life has been so challenging in every direction. It sounds like you have reached a point where you need to stop and take stock, not easy I know especially if you're by nature a do-er. It's easy for what you "do" to start to define who you are, and we are all so much more than what we do.
"You can't pour from an empty cup, take care of yourself first" I read this earlier today and it came back to mind when I saw your post just now. It can sound like a selfish attitude but in reality you just can't give what you haven't got within yourself, and you've been giving hugely to others. I hope you're able to find ways of recharging your batteries and that those who look to you to be their support will be able to allow you to have the space to do that. I know from experience that those who give lot's don't always find it easy to receive. Thinking of you flowers

Penstemmon Fri 04-Aug-17 18:30:37

GA such emotional draining from all the situations you are coping with. You need to imagine yourself as a battery..no good off you are run down. Take time to recharge, review your commitment and you will be ready to offer your valuable support again..but maybe in smaller doses. flowers

hulahoop Fri 04-Aug-17 22:22:34

It's time to take care of yourself GA take yourselves away and recharge your batteries . Take care?

loopyloo Sat 05-Aug-17 07:12:42

Ga, goodness no wonder you are overwhelmed. Please go and see your doctor and have your bloods checked. I became quite stressed over my brother descending into Alzheimers and our mortgage and other problems and it affected my blood sugars. But with better diet and a bit of exercise am now better.
Look after yourself.

grannyactivist Tue 05-Sep-17 23:35:15

UPDATE
Well, just two weeks after starting this thread I spent a night in hospital, on a drip! On Friday, 11th August my left eye was slightly swollen and watery and I felt very tired; by the Sunday night I was in excruciating pain, but for the life of me couldn't say whether I had tonsillitis, earache, sinusitis, a migraine - or all of the above. At 8am on the Monday I phoned the surgery and my GP told me to go straight there. I had a single spot by my eye, one in my scalp and two in my mouth - and on that basis my brilliant doctor diagnosed me with an 'atypical' case of shingles and started me on a course of antiviral tablets. By Wednesday I was in agony with my eye the size of a golf ball (felt like a tennis ball!) and I had been vomiting for two days. During that evening the Wonderful Man called 111 and was told to take me straight to hospital - hence I spent a night being pumped full of antiviral, antibiotics, anti-emetic and painkillers. The ophthalmologist on duty was unable to open my eye and called out the senior consultant, who was very charming in spite of being dragged from his bed at 4am!
So, to cut my very long story short(er) - I did subsequently go on holiday with the family to Cornwall (later than planned because I was initially too ill to cope with the journey), where I did absolutely NOTHING at all for almost two weeks except sleep and take a couple of five minute walks to the nearby cafe.
In spite of the regular application of steroids my eye has continued to be troublesome and I have now had three appointments at the eye clinic; each time with the consultant. There is some damage to the eye, but hopefully it won't get any worse and I have to continue the steroids for a minimum of a further four weeks. There is now no obvious sign of shingles, but I am tired beyond anything I've ever experienced before and in a lot of pain so I have agreed to take a COMPLETE rest for the next month; I have already contacted everyone who needs to know and informed them that I'm out of action. So, now I am looking forward to spending lots of time on Gransnet during the coming weeks. smile

Eloethan Wed 06-Sep-17 00:12:40

grannyactivist You are doing a wonderful job in helping to support so many people. It isn't at all surprising that you are now feeling very tired and jaded. I don't suppose it's just the physical effort of helping but also the mental exhaustion that comes with seeing the sadness of others and dealing with some fairly longstanding and insurmountable problems.

I hope you soon feel better.

I think you are right - you need a holiday. There is only so much one person can do and you must have chance to rest and relax in peaceful surroundings.

kittylester Wed 06-Sep-17 07:07:36

I've been wondering how you are ga! All I can say is 'Crumbs'. Make sure you do take a rest. You have had a lot going on so I'm not surprised that something has knocked you sideways. Take care! flowers

cornergran Wed 06-Sep-17 07:09:06

Goodness, you've been through the mill grannyactivist, I'm not surprised your body has made you stop. It can be hard to accept that it's necessary to focus on ourselves but please do, don't worry about anyone else. Indeed don't worry about yourself, just listen to your body and let it tell you when to rest and when to venture out for a little while. Can I suggest you read a bit about pacing? There's a lot of information on the web. Having said that don't forget computer time can also be tiring. So intersperse resting with gentle, pleasurable activity. Let others care for you, it's good to be able to give something back. Your GP sounds to be a gem, you've also got an excellent consultant. Guess they are in charge for now. I recall family recovering from shingles saying the same sort of things and needing lots of patience. So, wishing you boundless patience, lots of rest, good care and a calmer, healthy future.

Imperfect27 Wed 06-Sep-17 07:34:50

So sorry to read that you have been so unwell grannyactivist, but glad you have had sterling care around you and now have the space to recuperate.

My sympathies are very much with you. I was working under stressful conditions over a sustained period of time and earlier this year my body started to protest - seems if we don't give up in our minds, our bodies sometimes have to make us stop!

I know it is a long road back to full health when you have been so exhausted, but I hope you can keep going gently and enjoy GN along the way!

Grannyknot Wed 06-Sep-17 07:52:33

grannyactivist we prescribe a period of no activisty doings at all.

Get well soon. flowers

Anya Wed 06-Sep-17 08:08:54

grannyactivist I missed your initial posts, sorry. Firstly I hope physically things improve, especially the pain. Secondly try to turn off all worries if you can. There's a line from Everything's All Right (Jesus Christ Superstar) that goes 'Let the world turn without you tonight'

Rest, relax and recover flowers

Marydoll Wed 06-Sep-17 08:09:46

GA, I hope you take all the advice given here. You are an amazing person. How you managed to keep going for so long, I don't know.
Your body is telling you you need to take care of yourself and start thinking of yourself instead of others. A very difficult thing to do, when you are such a caring person.
A similar thing happened to me, but my circumstances were no way as harrowing as yours. I thought I was indestructible, but became so ill I had to take early retirement.
Please look after yourself and I hope you feel better soon.

harrigran Wed 06-Sep-17 08:14:39

Oh dear, you have been through the mill ga. Time to take care of yourself so that you can recuperate fully flowers

downtoearth Wed 06-Sep-17 08:59:35

Wishi g you a speedy recovery GAflowers

Greyduster Wed 06-Sep-17 09:18:16

I have only just caught up with this thread GA. I hope you are on the road to recovery with plenty of R&R. ??

annodomini Wed 06-Sep-17 10:21:53

Oh, GA, I missed this thread because I was away. Six years ago, you were one of the first grans I 'met' on this forum and through all the vicissitudes of your life, I have wondered how you fitted it all in. This severe attack of shingles seems a tough way of making you 'give in' and look after yourself. But it has had that effect. You have had to allow others to be strong for you, which I know, from personal experience, can be hard.
Your shingles attack sounds terrifying, shocking beyond belief. Your prescribed period of complete rest is long overdue though it has now been enforced for the most painful of reasons. I hope the ophthalmologist is able to mitigate the damage to your eye; and that plenty of rest and sleep will renew your energy.

Luckygirl Wed 06-Sep-17 11:40:59

I am going to wag my finger at you ga! grin

This is what happens when you do too much - your resistance lowers and you become prey to this sort of bug attack.

Maybe this should be a wake-up call! You cannot be all things to all people without taking care of yourself first and foremost.

I am very glad to hear that you have had a holiday! flowers

Granonthefarm Wed 06-Sep-17 11:58:26

Take some care of yourself. It never ends but you have to stop, think, relax, breath and then get back into your life.