'Once a cheater, always a cheater' is totally true, say scientists

"The screwing you get is not worth the screwing you get"
(Dorothy Parker.)

Spot on, I'd say.

Perhaps lack of maturity can be used as an excuse for having cheated at a younger age, not quite realising the hurt you are inflicting on others. Also if true remorse is shown relationships can possibly be redeemed and strengthened. For others where the cheater has just had their own selfish interests and entitlement at heart I don't believe there is much hope. Cheating isn't just about the emotional, it is also financial ( affairs are pretty expensive to maintain) plus the risk to your health. Add to that the ripples of hurt that extend way beyond to other family members and friends. If your relationship isn't working please talk to each other and do the honest thing before you decide to cheat.

Do they always confess though? People I've known who have cheated have usually been found out. Then they are sorry, of course.

I don't think people actually go out of their way to cheat, in my opinion its just something that happens, what's more interesting is why do people confess.

My husband cheated on his first wife (and she cheated on him); he was unhappy, she was unhappy, they just had so many problems but neither could see a way out. I knew all of this when we first got together and I must admit I did worry quite a lot about it but 24 years on he has never given me cause for concern. I wasn't always an angel before I got married but I wouldn't dream about cheating on him either. I think it just depends whether you meet somebody who ticks all the important boxes, you respect each other and wouldn't want to hurt them.

It isn't right to think any person is irredeemable. I know that a man can be so stunned by the misery he caused that he never lapses again and can turn things around.
My husband had a long affair which I discovered. and we were both in terrible turmoil for a long time. It helps me to remember that I am not perfect either.
That was 25 years ago. We saved our marriage and that was because we still loved each other. We are so glad we made that decision.

To quote from Hilary Clinton's new book,
"
“There were times that I was deeply unsure about whether our marriage could or should survive, but I asked myself the questions that mattered to me: do I still love him? And can I still be in this marriage without becoming unrecognizable to myself – twisted by anger, resentment, or remoteness? The answers were always yes.”

So yes people can become non cheaters after a bad lapse. If you both sincerely want this. But to quote another woman,
"The screwing you get is not worth the screwing you get"
(Dorathy Parker.)

Talking of big cats, leopards Never change their spots.

Don't forget, cheaters are liars. To surveys as well as to spouses.

Michel 55 would you feel the same if your wife cheated and you found out?

I don't get your maths Michel you talk of "making two people happy" but what about the partners and children where marriages break up. That's more than your "two people"
I suspect you are a wind up, given the fractured English and I hope it amuses you.
Frankly I hope that my cartoon was a true picture and the last word on cheating.
Sexual infidelity is not the only firm of cheating - fraud and dishonesty in all forms re "cheating".
What is your moral compass?

MawBroon - you are spot on about not yet but soon to be a gran.

michel55 - of course you don't feel bad about being a cheater because you have no shame.

Interesting subject, I am a man , french and a cheater and I don't feel bad about it . In France we think it is ok as long you don't make it too obvious and/or brink it to your home.
My thinking is there is no problem in making two peoples happy with an affair... it could also have benefits for the couple as the cheater will be more happy so the atmosphere will be better..

Is this the definitive judgement??

OP didn't actually opine either way did she?
Reminds me of someone else we used to know who was not yet a granny, but hopeful.

No narrowboatnan you are not the exception, I am standing with you! The need for some physical and emotional feedback for half of my marriage led me to cheat, no such desire now.

It wasn't her theory. She quoted it from a newspaper article, and said that she wasn't sure she agreed.

OH 'cheated' (what an old -fashioned expression, but hey, this is Gransnet) on wife no 1 back in the 60s and he lived blissfully with his trollope (me) for 53 years, with never a glance at another woman..... so that blows your spiteful theory well and truly out of the water Serkeen

I was a serial cheat then met my current and final husband who I adore . I was lost-I've been saved .

Call me traditional but I expect respect, trust, loyalty and faithfulness. Surely that is what marriage is all about. Without them why bother. When my ex was eventually caught out the pain I felt was worse than being beaten black and blue and tossed down a staircase. Personally I would never want to risk that kind of hurt again. Even contemplated "ending it all". Pleased I never carried it through as no man is worth that, plus the extra grief I would have caused my lovely family. Now I feel happy and secure with my second husband who also experienced a similar former life to my own.

My friend knows that her husband cheated on her once because the other woman told her.
I am pretty sure that wasn't the only time and I suspect my friend knows that also.
She stayed because she wasn't prepared to give up her very good lifestyle, on the whole I think it has worked for them , they seem content and have a lovely family.

I worked with a serial cheater who managed to have three women on the go at one time, as far as I know he cheated right up to developing Alzheimer's.
His wife knew about his womanising but stuck by him until his death at 70. I'm amazed he never got Willy rot, but also he always manage to remember who's knickers he was in.

Depends on what you mean by cheat.Sleeping with someone certainly is. Online flirting not so much as never goes any further just an ego boost .

Jojo58 I could have written your post.

Worst experience of my life, absolute hell, but it did not end our marriage. I can see why it happened and what part I played in it.

If someone is genuinely remorseful, acknowledges the hurt inflict d and realises how they nearly lost everything then why would they repeat the mistake? So no I completely disagree with the OP's statement. Just celebrated our 45th anniversary and our marriage is stronger than ever.

Something's are worth fighting for!

I think a long standing affair would be harder to get over than a drunken one night stand.

If they have done it once, they will do it again.