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'Once a cheater, always a cheater' is totally true, say scientists

(69 Posts)
Serkeen Mon 04-Sep-17 20:48:28

It said in the papers today that scientists say that once a cheater always a cheater

I am not entirely sure that I agree

MissAdventure Mon 04-Sep-17 20:56:18

I'm not sure I agree, either
I think peoples heads can be turned for all different reasons, although that doesn't justify it, of course.

Imperfect27 Mon 04-Sep-17 21:03:47

I disagree. Relationships can be very complex and some people are vulnerable at particular moments.

MawBroon Mon 04-Sep-17 21:19:19

Isn't a person who cheats just called a "cheat"! confused
No confusing him with a very speedy member of the big cat family.

MissAdventure Mon 04-Sep-17 21:23:05

He needs to be speedy if he's caught out!

Serkeen Tue 05-Sep-17 09:30:30

Mawbrown I copied and pasted it directly from the newspaper headline and so if they got it wrong I got it wrong, and is that really more important than the actual subject. I feel that you follow me on gransnet and when ever I post you immediately post something sarcastic, why do you do that?

Gypsyqueen13 Tue 05-Sep-17 10:11:15

In my book a person who cheats is definitely a cheater as in a person who beats is a beater

cluckyhen0 Tue 05-Sep-17 10:12:16

I wouldn't be too phased @Serkeen - a speedy member of the big cat family is a cheetah not a cheater wink

damewithaname Tue 05-Sep-17 10:13:28 animal. Cheater...person who wants a piece of everyone's pie...

Marydoll Tue 05-Sep-17 10:15:03

"Cheater" is perfectly acceptable. It is included in the good old Oxford dictionary and is defined as being of North American origin.
Once again Americanisms creeping into our language, but as language is always evolving, we just have to accept it.

I often wondered what I would do if my husband cheated, would I forgive? He hasn't in 40 years of marriage, so I don't think he will now. I love and trust him completely.
However, you don't know what goes on in other people's relationships. As said before, they are very complex.

damewithaname Tue 05-Sep-17 10:16:18

I don't think this statement is true. I believe a person who cheats will most probably cheat many times. It's because at any point someone strokes their ego, they move towards that subject. It's a self esteem issue. Once they get a grip on that, they will most probably have a better relationships.

wildswan16 Tue 05-Sep-17 10:16:38

I do think that if somebody has the capacity to "cheat" in any way then that is ingrained in their make-up. Whether you are cheating on your spouse, or in an exam - the underlying values are the same in that you are not honest.

radicalnan Tue 05-Sep-17 10:19:56

Cheating is part of nomal human behaviour, we don't like it very much but it is. Lovely to think that some couples remain exclusive to each other but not sure that is what nature intended.

I think people who cheat do repeat the behaviour, sadly for the spouse involved, some people just find the excitement of sex, risk and the thrill of the chase irresistable.

Lilylilo Tue 05-Sep-17 10:35:00

Totally disagree...i know of married couples, who split up in their 20's and 30's, because they met other the 60's many people got married really young because you couldn't live together very easily unless you were married. You grow up a lot between 20 and 30, and you sometimes grow away from those you may have met in your teens. A lot if my friends are in very happy second marriages - over 30 years in many cases. It's not like that now thank goodness, now living together and having children without marriage is totally acceptable and hurrah for that.

Tessa101 Tue 05-Sep-17 10:39:58

Good post Serkeen. I post From experience and I believe once a cheat always a cheat, from my experience they get away with it the first time and that gives them the confidence to do it again. I am yet to be proved wrong, always hoping tho.

GoldenAge Tue 05-Sep-17 10:41:32

Agree completely with radicalnan - people are wired differently, and some require more excitement in their lives than others. Excitement is part of the 'cheating' experience, whether it's via sex, shoplifting, or in a game of cards. In marriage, how would you ever really know if a spouse who has been found cheating and forgiven, subsequently remains faithful. S/he may genuinely realise that s/he has much to lose if repeating the behaviour and resist all urges, but I very much doubt whether this happens in the majority of cases - it may just be a question of being more careful not to be found out. Personally, I have worked with several men and women who I know to have been serial cheats, and yet managed to hold their marriages together. The fact that they behaved this way shows that they valued their marriages and the children coming from them, but that those marriages didn't give them the thrill they craved for. It's a human condition unfortunately.

Kathcan1 Tue 05-Sep-17 10:44:25

Can I just say the cat variety is spelt Cheetah, a beautiful creature which bears no resemblance to the ugly, rotten human cheating creature some men and women resemble. You're right circumstances change and relationships change, but let me say there is no excuse for Adultry, no matter how it's spelt!

RAF Tue 05-Sep-17 10:50:58

Son in law had an affair, daughter forgave him and took in back. Had another affair after getting very heavily into debt, and she finally threw him out. Now they are getting on really well again because (rightly) she wants the children to have a dad. But would you welcome him back into the family, I find it really hard?

MawBroon Tue 05-Sep-17 10:54:16

That's a bit unkind Serkeen- I remember you thanking me for my sympathetic enquiry after your DH (speaking as another long term hospital visitor)
And disagreeing is not necessarily "sarcasm"
I AM sorry when "good enough" English words are supplanted by Americanisms, but that's a subject for Pedants' Corner or the "Words you hate " thread.
Ah well. Win some, lose some.

Blinko Tue 05-Sep-17 11:09:53

I agree with radicalnan and GoldenAge, it's part of the human condition. Some marriages survive perfectly well when one or other partner 'cheats' whether that be once or repeatedly. I have observed at close quarters marriages where both instances have applied.

It surely depends upon circumstances at the time, the degree of temptation and the likelihood of discovery and/or forgiveness.

Not all relationships are the same.

spookygran Tue 05-Sep-17 11:11:52

The animal is spelt differently

narrowboatnan Tue 05-Sep-17 11:35:37

Tessa101. Could I be the exception that proves the rule? I cheated on husband number one because I was unhappy and bored. But I've been verily happily married to husband number two (not the man that I cheated for) for 31 years and haven't felt inclined to cheat on him at all. So not always a cheat in my case.

narrowboatnan Tue 05-Sep-17 11:36:11

Very, not verily! Doh!

Coconut Tue 05-Sep-17 11:43:45

Some people appear to be just serial cheats, and obviously do not have the fairness to offer the same freedom to their partners by way of an open relationship. Many men still have that mentality that it's ok for them to stray but would go ballistic if their wives did. I have worked in a male dominated environment and this has been discussed many times. I heard "it's different for men" on so many occasions. If you can generalise, I have known women stray because of a deep unresolved unhappiness, many men will stray just because they can.

Nanny123 Tue 05-Sep-17 11:46:15

For me once a cheat means the trust has gone.