How can you find what makes you happy

Serkeen, it sounds to me as if you -are- depressed. Waking up unhappy every morning is not a normal state of affairs. You also sound as if you feel unappreciated. Can you talk to your GP about the first and your OH about the second?

You say you're not depressed but your post is almost a classical description of depression. Chat to your doctor and see if he or she agrees that you're not depressed.

Serkeen my love you dont need a man to make you happy pet. I divorced someone who made my life miserable, and took away all my confidence, and I was lonely in that marriage . You will be happy again. Be kind to yourself first of all, not just to others ! Give yourself little treats they don't have to be expensive. A nice bubble bath, or new nail varnish, get your hair done or put on your favourite music and have a boogie, go for a walk. Most of all be proactive in making friends who are nice considerate people, and tolerate nobody who makes you feel bad. Feel free to pm me. All the very best, and have faith in yourself xx

serkeen you sound in exactly the same position I am in. I don't do anything because I am scared I will go from the frying pan to the fire. Only you and I can get ourselves out of it. Either by changing our lives or just different thought patterns. So hard. If you find a way, let me know.

What helps me is to write down five good things that have happened at the end of each day. They can be as small as washing that has dried on the line, but it has made a difference to my outlook.

I did a mindfulness course to help me remain calm & content, but trying to keep everyone happy is exhausting, I recommend this brilliantly hilarious book :- The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F**k: How to stop spending time you don't have doing things you don't want to do (A No F*cks Given Guide) by Sarah Knight amazon link here:-
www.amazon.co.uk/Life-Changing-Magic-Not-Giving-spending-ebook/dp/B015CWAEUG/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1505210318&sr=1-1&keywords=the+life+changing+magic+of+not+giving+a+f&tag=gransnetforum-21

I suffer from dreadful bouts of depression. I think, happiness is some thing we set too much store by and manage to miss on a daily basis.

Re set your happiness meter!!!! Be happy you can read millions can't, be happy you have a home / food / clothes the basics that we take for granted.

How happy would women currently living in Syria or other war zones be if they could only have what you have now???? We lost everything once in major floods, how happy was I that my kids were safe and we could get a hot bath................

Relationships can be disappointing, that's life. But a good book is a great friend, art generally raises the spirits, gardens are balm for the soul, visit one if you don't have one.

I try to think of 3 things everyday to be grateful for, it's not lunchtime yet and I have hit my score for today. I think, even when depressed we have to force ourselves to have some perspective.

I don't think putting other people before yourself will help you with happiness. Put yourself at least alongside them, otherwise they will really have no choice but to let you down.
Happiness (as many people have said) is a momentary thing. Contentment is more permanent but still not totally constant. Without occasional discontent people would have no ambition, without boredom there would be fewer invention, paintings etc.
I am happy most of the time because I am able to sleep for the time being which after about 7 months of sleep deprivation feels like a luxury. It won't last much longer but we are all (myself and my neighbours) making the most of it for now. I have found the energy to do things like clean the flat and have booked to go to a fairtrade conference next month.
I don't think happiness comes when you look for it. I find it very difficult because my father did not like me to be happy and would always tell me of for some spurious reason if I was. Happiness used to worry me because I always knew that it would end suddenly but now I am more settled in myself and can just enjoy it while it passes.

radiclan I agree but I have learnt to recognise the signs of my slide into depression and for me St.Johns Wort usually works so I take that for a few days. It usually passes but it is easier now that I don't have to work and so don't have to interact with people if I don't feel up to it and I have come to often prefer my own company to others. It is a horrible thing and was almost unbearable during my younger years.

Hi damewithanameI could start putting myself first a couple of times, that would help, better than I d now.. Thank you.

I only felt true happiness and could relax and be "me" once I had split from my first husband - not until then did I realise just how unhappy I had been.. Yes I was a bit lonely, but I had my children and good friends. Eventually I met my new Hubbie and the contentment and happiness continues. Maybe you should think of splitting up again - one can be content on ones own, better than being lonely in a bad marriage.
Hope you manage to sort out your feelings -I take great delight in my garden/friends/grandchild/family and walks in the country with OH.

You could try Loving Kindness meditation wherein the first rule is to love yourself. This is not selfish - it is a recognition that you deserve as much love and happiness as the people you currently put before yourself. You may then gain some insight as to the source of your unhappiness. We cannot rely on someone else to 'make us happy' the solution lies within ourselves. The internet abounds with downloadable meditations that will talk you through the practice, and some are free. Good luck?

Jaycee 5 I agree depression is a stinker...........but happiness is a moveable feast, I have certainly been far happier with a lot less than I have now and have to remind myself how well off I am. Have you tried Noni juice??? from the health shop.

Still, I believe we need to cultivate gratitude and I have heard St Johns Wort works well, makes your wee orange though. This time of year as the light disappears a bit can be the beginning of a bad time, best we look out for ourselves. Creature comforts are there to be grateful for, comfy slippers and snuggly dressing gowns and a throw ......can't remember quite what the Scandanavians call that type of the Hygge I think it is.

That self care stuff can enable us to live in the moment. I do think life is hard going and we just have to make the best we can of it.

This little book is reviews the evidence about happiness. It is written in accessible language and it could be one of the best purchases you ever make. Highly recommended!
Happiness: The Science Behind Your Smile
by Daniel Nettle
Paperback £8.99
Kindle Edition £6.47
All the best to you

Serkeen you say you are not depressed. I agree with those who say that - in my opinion at least - what you describe IS depression.

'Putting others before yourself'. Why? What on earth is that all about? Is there someone in the world who is going to reciprocate your unselfishness/saintliness? Who is going to put you before himself/herself? Is there anyone?

You tried splitting from your husband, found it too lonely, got back together but you are just as lonely. Well...

So you don't find companionship in your marriage. To me, that is no marriage and you'd be better off out of it.

If DH and I did not find enjoyment, pleasure, fulfilment within our marriage then we'd split. No messing. LIfe is too short. We enjoy each other's company, enjoy everything that we do together. I don't worry my head about 'putting others before myself'. Apart from DH, there is no one in the world who is going to put me before himself/herself. All the people who did so in the past are long gone.

It may be that we expect too much of marriage, but at least, it should not result in loneliness. There was a recent episode of 'Doctors' on BBC1 where a man didn't speak to his wife for years because of some insult or injury in the past - he communicated by post-it notes. Amazing.

Tried to pop to the library today to get away from things but the noise in the library was really terrible, one guy going on at the top of his voice about EastEnders for over 10 minutes! People walking past you, again speaking loudly

What ever happened to SHUSH in libraries, I really do miss those days when libraries were a quite place to go and read or do some work

Before I sign off a builder just behind me singing his favourite song I am angry but I had to laugh at that

I attend a local Buddhist centre and a lot is taught about true happiness. It is'nt found in other people or 'things' as we all know. What we need to aim for is equanimity, that state where whatever is happening, we keep the same calm and peaceful feeling. It is said that the best happiness comes from helping others.
You don't have to be Buddhist to benefit from finding out about Buddha's teachings......they are really just common sense ways to live your life. Some take their Buddhism further but you can benefit from just the basic teachings. Hope you find that helpful, there's probably a class near you.

Anyway I am supposed to be working on my book, but so many distractions here!! I think I might go and sit in the park

Thank you for all your conversations, it really does help, I do feel less alone Thank you x x

I attend a local Buddhist centre and a lot is taught about true happiness. It is'nt found in other people or 'things' as we all know. What we need to aim for is equanimity, that state where whatever is happening, we keep the same calm and peaceful feeling. It is said that the best happiness comes from helping others.
You don't have to be Buddhist to benefit from finding out about Buddha's teachings......they are really just common sense ways to live your life. Some take their Buddhism further but you can benefit from just the basic teachings. Hope you find that helpful, there's probably a class near you.

strangely but truly you have to be happy to be happy - happiness is the way - fake it till it becomes you

&Mernice* I have explored Buddhism and there is one just walking distance from me maybe I should take the time to male that a part of my life, just need to try and concentrate on myself a bit more.

You say we all know that happiness can not be found in other people, I did not really know or believe that, I have lived my life trying to make that happen, it has gotten me no where.

Thank you for your post it has opened my eyes and now I must act upon your idea and not just speak about it!!

Thank you x nemosmum

Happiness? I aim for contentment, and happiness then comes as a bonus. I wrote this poem last year, and it sums it all up for me... Things we Take for Granted
The more I look around this world, the suffering I see,
I count my blessings living here, I hope you all agree,
Though no-where’s perfect, where we live is such a special place,
I’ll mention some advantages to help me make my case.
The first that comes to mind is that this morning I awoke,
A privilege to still be here, denied to many folk..
And although my health’s not brilliant, I’ve Doctors treating me,
And I’m living in a country where that treatment’s all for free.
I have a roof above my head, clean water from a tap,
I can always turn the heating up to fend off that cold snap.
And although I’ve never bought my clothes from shops in Saville Row,
I’ve plenty stuff that I can wear, though it’s no fashion show.
Yes, I’ve known hunger as a child, though never known starvation,
Which takes so many third world lives, a shame on every Nation.
I feel so guilty when I know these days I over-eat,
With children crying out for food, and dying on the street.
Our day’s not just a struggle, to manage to survive,
We’ve leisure time when I reflect it’s good to be alive.
Enjoying simple pleasures, Nature’s beauty all around,
Even sparrows in our garden as they feed there on the ground,
Bring a smile as I sit watching, now I have the time and place,
And our home is somewhere comforting, where we have our own space.
I won’t get into politics, although it seems to me,
The system may be flawed sometimes, but basically, we’re free.
And yes, there are some people here, whose aims are all perverted,
So we have to keep an eye out, and see we’re not diverted,
From defending precious freedoms which we’ve built up over years,
Continuing to live our lives, and not give in to fears,
As despite their worst intentions, this is still a peaceful land,
No war-torn cities, civil strife, where hateful flames are fanned.
Here family and friends are close, to lend us that support,
That carries us through troubled times, those battles that are fought,
When even in our pleasant lives, we hit inclement weather,
With those we love we press ahead, and ride those storms together.
So though we do complain sometimes, and end up disenchanted,
I’m counting all my blessings, and I won’t take them for granted…

try some guided meditation,you can find it free online.It will help you to find peace and contentment which will lead to happiness.It has to come from within .

Serkeen, have you thought about how you want to live your life in future? Can you see a vision of what life will be like in say 10 years time?

What do you see yourself doing? Will be be surrounded by friends and family?

What do you feel your purpose will be in life?

If you can see a vision of life other than how it is now, then perhaps you can start to work towards it?

It sounds as though loneliness is your main problem. Can you start to do something sociable? Go to an exercise class maybe or join a choir? Maybe WI or similar? How about becoming the local Gransnet coordinator? What do you like doing?

It takes time to build a network, but small steps will take you there and may help you to feel that you have a purpose. How about volunteering somewhere?

Many years ago I was very down, divorced, single mother, been quite ill for some months and a kind friend told me to think of 5 things I wanted to do and then to go and do them one by one. Not on the same day but over time. I did them by myself and it gave me confidence.

What I did: went to an opera, joined a running club (and got a great social life!), booked a holiday where I could learn French, joined the local branch of Amnesty International and went to their meetings (it reminded me how lucky I was to live as I did), made myself go to an exhibition or museum each week and try to learn more about the things that I saw.

Life changed slowly but surely and so did I. I have to say that it worked very well for me.

I recovered and never looked back, but I do remember what a bad place it was and I do really feel for you.