Should I let him have the ring?

Very difficult for us to know if your gut feeling is correct or whether this is just one more rather shy girl. We met a grandson's girlfriend just lately, my daughter had said how lovely she was but confronted with us the poor girl hardly said a word!

I can just imagine the scenario where the family were all joking about your DS having the ring and him saying no way.
However, this obviously looks like a nice idea now he has found the right girl, can you remember on the three occasions when you met her if she was wearing all silver or gold jewellery, girls now usually go for silver. A word with your son mentioning this might get you out of parting with it if its gold but otherwise just hang things out saying you are looking, tell him to propose and they could talk over rings in general and he could mention that his grandmother's is available, what would she prefer. Let him sort it out.

www.nelsonslaw.co.uk/who-should-keep-the-engagement-ring/

Basically, a man can only ask for the ring back if he either said he would want it back if the engagement was broken off, or if he can prove it was a family heirloom.

I don't think offering to lend your son the money for an engagement ring is a good idea.

Surely if he can't afford to buy one himself he can't afford to be thinking about getting married.

I agree with most comments here and certainly don’t think at 25 you’re too young to get engaged. Life is a learning curve - let him make his own mistakes, if there are to be any; that’s how one learns. You might just have to eat your words. Certainly, you haven’t really got to know her yet, so shouldn’t judge her.

My son got engaged at 23. It came more or less out of the blue & we had only met his fiancèe a handful of times. We were a bit sceptical as we didn't know her but we did know she'd been engaged before. However, he was obviously head over heels about her so we kept our own counsel. They had a 2 year engagement, during this time we got to know this delightful, hard working, talented young lady who clearly adores our son. They've been married 7 years & have a gorgeous little boy with another on the way. Try not to be quite so judgemental & don't ask for advice if you don't want to hear it ! As regards the ring - if you've told him he can have it , don't go back on that or he may ask why & that may lead to a family rift. Be prepared, as many have said, that the intended may not want something old fashioned/ second hand

Surely if he can't afford to buy one himself he can't afford to be thinking about getting married

To be fair, Jennifer, he didn’t think he would have to buy one.

My sister knew her husband for 6 weeks before they married. They’ve celebrated their 52nd anniversary this year.

And no, she wasn’t pregnant (though many suspected she was).

We got engaged after 8 weeks!

My grand-daughter was given her fiancé's grandmother's diamond ring for their engagement. She was absolutely overwhelmed, knowing how much it meant to the family and she will treasure it always. It seemed to set the seal on their happiness which of course I hope will last forever!

Very romantic, Jalima! I'd been going out with my DH for five years before we got married (no engagement, so no ring sadly - he still owes me!).

Like so many others we strugged financially and there was no expectation of any financial help from parents. we went into a jeweller and had to ask for their cheapest engagement ring. I think it was about £8. But was still nearly a weeks wages. I had this until i was 60 when i asked for a diamond ring, which actually sparkled, and i was thrilled to get one for my birthday and wear it every day. I never did really like the other one..

So maggie, its never too late!!

Just wait till he asks what I want for Christmas!

I think, if I remember rightly, there is a lawful obligation of the fiance to return the ring if the engagement ends....have a look on the website. Personally, I would have to say its lost! Not much help am I!

its a ring ..just a ring .I dont get sentimental over THINGS ,well only one and thats a pram toy bought for a baby who died before we got her home ,anything else is just stuff.Better used and enjoyed than left in a drawer

I am not sure that an engagement ring can be counted as just a thing or just stuff.

Lots of the things we keep are just that - stuff- but much of it has memories behind it.

An engagement ring has memories and has come with love and promises from one person to another.
I think that I would not want someone else's ring unless I was going to wear it as a dress ring. I wear my mother's because I like it but I do have my own engagement ring that I chose myself - given with love and promises.

I gave my son a pretty family ring of great sentimental value to give to his fiancee to wear (though only if she wished to) until such time as he could afford to buy the new one of their choice. This was, however, on the understanding that I had it back once this purchase was made! She did choose to wear it - and I think appreciated the gesture. However, they split up some months later. She returned the ring.

My own mother in law made it very clear she had severe doubts about me in the beginning! but when her son and I divorced - nearly thirty years later - she wrote me a lovely letter saying lots of nice things - and in particular that she felt I had always been a very good mother to her grandchildren. Give this girl a chance. She may have all sorts of good qualities that will take time to show themselves.

I would definitely offer the ring and pretend like mad to like the new girlfriend. The ring is just a ring, your son is irreplaceable in your life. Mistakes made now between you, him and her could cause huge problems later on. You have to accept she will be now be no 1 in his life. Make a friend of her. The offer of the ring is a good place to start.

My mother- in- law made it quite clear that she didn't like me and didn't think I was good enough for her son. It hurt. She never ever said one nice thing to me. I understand that you might feel the same about your daughter-in-law to be, but there's nothing you can do about it. I would ask her if she really liked the ring or would prefer another. Ironically, one of my sons has married a young woman who is as cold as ice; she never initiates a conversation with me, she has never ever given me a present, in spite of my generosity towards her, but I tell myself that it is she who is missing out. I try to treat her as I would have liked to be treated by my, now deceased MIL - it's all we can do if we want to maintain a relationship with our sons. Good luck.

I honestly don't know what I'd do in your position joopster. I never had an engagement ring and my wedding ring which was the cheapest he could find at the last minute was taken by my ex when he left.

Years later my mother's older sister gave me my grandmother's engagement and wedding rings just before my mother died. I never knew my grandmother as she died when my mother was only 5 years old. I was so touched as nobody had ever given me anything so important before. Also the rings fitted perfectly so both of us must have had these unusually large fingers! Her name is engraved inside the engagement ring too.

I wear them all the time but now have 4 DGDs and a DGS. DSs have now all split up with original partners. I am hoping that as they get older it will become obvious which one will love the rings as much as I do! I think they are the only things I own which matter to me so it feels important what happens to them. On the other hand I wouldn't want family to fall out over them!

joopster Your son is 25 and you think he's too young to get engaged? What planet are you on? As far as the ring goes, I don't think I would give it to him. If they do split up some time after the engagement you probably would not see your ring again.

I was married at 20, still together now am 55, husband is older than me by 12 years and I must say the first few times I met my in laws I must of come over as aloof the reason I was terrified. That said dont give away a ring if it is only going to cause resentment with any party better to be upfront now. Do hope you work it out.

my son married at 25 and is blissfully happy. Have you ever considered that his girlfriend may be shy, or intimidated by you?

I would give him the ring

You put the idea in his mind that one day he could use it as an engagement ring. He may have set his heart on this and told his girlfriend. If you refuse to hand it over she may believe you do not like her. Try to be welcoming to her because one day she may be the mother of your grandchildren and in that position she could choose to either promote you in a positive or negative light to any potential grandchildren. Don't risk being sidelined out of future grandchildren's life. Be really nice and welcoming to her as she may be shy, and she will remember once the grandchildren come.

All this has made me realise how very lucky I am to have such a great Dil. She loves my son to bits and has said this to me many times. She's gorgeous, stylish, funny and thoughtful.
Funnily enough I've been out with her tonight to a show, with her Mum, who I also get on with. I also have a one in a million daughter and Sil.
Feel blessed!