Should I let him have the ring?

joopster you sound determined to become the mother in law from hell.

I agree with others here, 25 is not too young a lot of us were married with children by then.
I think the idea of lending/ giving your son the money to buy her a new ring is sensible, the heirloom ring could be offered at a later date for the first wedding anniversary for example.
Give the girl a chance she is probably quite nervous at meeting her prospective new family.

Don't give the ring if you're not happy to part with it. You can just say you've realised you are too attached to it and you want to keep it. I don't see why a loan for a new ring should be necessary. If your son is grown-up enough to have proposed and be contemplating marriage, he can also make his own arrangements for purchasing an engagement ring. If he can't afford precious jewels, they can settle for a pretty dress ring, perhaps in a silver setting. It's not your job to provide or pay for a ring, especially if you have misgivings about the relationship.

No ones business but theirs, nelliemoster he’s a man in his own right he’s not 16

That depends ....

Tell the pair of them to wait a bit before they jump into a marriage and see how the relationship is after a year or so. ring or no ring , eight months is too short to really get to know the some one you want to spend your life with .

I know that no girl is ever good enough for sons!
Oh - some are!!

There is no reason at all to feel sorry for a member of the Royal Family, but I do think that Kate Middleton should have been given a new ring, not her MIL's.

I'd just like to refer you all to my post!

My OH was 22 and I was 21 when we married. I don't really see 25 as young to get engaged.

If I had taken a dislike to one of my SILs after 3 meetings, it would have been because he appeared completely dumb - as in unable to speak. I would have been proved wrong!

You cannot give the ring with the proviso that if they split up it comes back to the family - a gift is a gift - and it is a somewhat negative start!

I do not know what you should do about the ring - but I think you should give this lass a bit of a chance. I know that no girl is ever good enough for sons! I did not have this problem as I produced a clutch of girls.

I wouldn't only only cause once many tried the ring isn't hers. In every sense including legally.
So she will never be obligated to return it.

He'll be able to tell that you don't like take to her and so will she. Maybe she has noticed already and that's what made her seem aloof.

I agree with lemongrove, paddyann and especially Bluebelle
Poor girl, shy people often come across as aloof.
25 is not young.

Well, I think perhaps you need to have been there before you judge me for having 'taken against her'.
Of course it's my son's choice in wife but I'm entitled to my opinion on the matter. Of course I'd never let on to him and have been wholly positive about his plans. You're right in that she might not want the ring though. I'll offer to help him out finding something more suitable though suspect that might mean a hefty loan. I hope you're right Welshwife. Fingers crossed time will tell.

I would guess that the ring is yellow gold and the fashion nowadays is for 'white gold' - yellow gold plated with Rhodium/ platinum. I agree with those who say it is likely she would like a modern ring and maybe choose it herself.
If things go as he hopes and they marry and are blissfully happy you may by then have changed your mind and you could always give it to her yourself at a later date.

Gosh poor girl she doesn’t stand a chance
Certainly don’t give something begrudgingly keep the ring and let him buy his own
I don’t understand the ‘ I think he’s a bit young’ he’s 25 he could have been married years and none of our business what age our adult children get married
For the sake of your son I d give the girl a bit more of a chance and reserve your judgement of her

she's your sons CHOICE

at 25 I'm sure he can make his own mind up about who and when he marries and 8 months isn't that short a time.We got engaged after 4 months ,married 1 year exactly to the day we met and have been together 43 years...when we married I was 21 and my OH was 20 ...just ,we married 4 weeks after his 20th birthday .As for the ring,he may not have realised you were joking about giving him it for his intended wife .Maybe you should tell him now that it WAS a joke.Please dont start your relationship with your future DIL by being hyper critical ..she's your son and YOU raised him so she cant be that bad surely?

I wouldn’t have wanted my husband to be to have given me his Grandma’s ring!
We went out and chose one together.
So, suggest to your son that he does the same, then keep and wear the ring yourself, or, if they do marry and have a little girl, give it to her when she grows up, leave it in your will.

I gave DS a family ring for his fiancee, now wife. It was left on the dressing table in their house prior to going to the jewellers to have the shank adjusted to fit. They had a break-in, the ring went and they now have a beautiful antique chair that they bought with the proceeds. Now DDiL admitted she was not a great ring person and the chair they chose together. I love the chair, it is remarkable, distinctive.

I agree I would have thought a modern miss would want to choose her own ring and have a new one.

Smithy makes a very valid point. Talk to your son about whether she really would like an old ring.

I'm a bit worried that you've 'taken against' the girl after just 3 meetings and think your son is too young at 25.

He obviously thinks she's the bees knees and she could have been terrified of meeting you.

I should let him have the ring, welcome her as his 'intended' and try to be happy for him.

There are too many threads on here where mothers and daughters in law don't get on so please try your best to accept her.

This is a tough one joopster

I am currently wearing my late mums engagement ring (I never had one of my own) but I feel that I am only borrowing it for now and that one day it will go to my daughter and then granddaughter etc. It isn't hugely valuable (other than sentimentally) but I really wouldn't want to risk it leaving the family so I would have been very reluctant to give it to my son to give to my DDiL (at the time they got engaged) even though I now love her very much indeed.

So I guess my answer to your question would be no, I wouldn't give it to your son, if I were you.

If its about the money and your son not being able to afford to buy a ring himself are you in the position to help out a little bit via a loan? not that you should feel obliged to in any way.

Sorry not a lot of help I'm afraid.

Has you thought though - the girlfriend may not want that ring. Could well be she will prefer to choose a new (possibly expensive ring).

And you always may change your mind about her.