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New dog

(87 Posts)
Newnannie Sun 28-Jan-18 10:59:50

Hi all, this is a first time post so please be gentle! First off I’m not a dog owner, I have 3 cats. My daughter is expecting her first baby at the end of April, she already had a 3 year old Alaskan malamute who is gorgeous and she loves him a lot. Thing is she now wants to adopt another malamute ( big dogs, 48 kilo) to keep him company. The dog she is looking to adopt belongs at the moment to a friend of hers who's wife is expecting their second baby and they don’t have the time for their second dog which is the one my daughter wants to adopt. I feel that it’s the wrong time to adopt a new dog however well the two dogs get on. I think I’ll be looking after baby at least one day a week in the future and don’t think I could cope with baby and 2 big dogs but that’s not the point, I’m worried that she won’t be able to either and poor dog will be looking for a new home again!! This is a first baby, first grandchild and her husband doesn’t want a second dog either. I have a very close relationship with my daughter, but I’m just so worried!! Any thoughts anyone?

mcem Mon 29-Jan-18 09:48:24

Dd and her fiancé have an older Malamute/husky - he came with the fiancé and is perfectly trained. Very good with (older) children.
I'd have been very wary of having a younger version around babies.
On a purely practical note - he sheds handfuls of soft fluffy hair all year round and it takes a heck of a lot of work to keep the floors reasonably clear. A big task for a new mum.
All that hair surely wouldn't be good for a new baby and it would double with a second one!!!

Yellowmellow Mon 29-Jan-18 09:55:11

I know when I was expecting my first on I didn't realise how time consuming and exhausting having a new baby is.....too say i was totally in shock and exhausted was an understatement. I have four children and numbers 2, 3 and 4 just seemed to slot in and I coped really well. I think your daughter would really be best having the baby and seeing how she copes first. Maybe some of her friends who have already have their first babies could have a word....she is more likely to listen to them... xx

radicalnan Mon 29-Jan-18 09:58:57

No from me too. My son a very experienced dog owner had 2 German Shepherds and grown up children. One day while he was at work and his partner at home, the dogs who had grown up together, had a fight and one was so badly injured she had to be put down.

Why borrow trouble?

Marianne1953 Mon 29-Jan-18 10:02:54

Your Daughter will have no idea what impact a new baby will be on her life. She should at least wait and see how she copes with the new baby. You need to warn her of your concerns for you looking after 2 giant dogs and a baby. I love dogs, but would never bring a new dog into the home of a new baby.

grannytotwins Mon 29-Jan-18 10:08:52

I’d be worried enough about how the dog she already has is going to be with a new baby in the house, let alone another one. I had a 12 year old, a 9 year old and a toy poodle when my third was born. The dog was extremely jealous. The day I brought the baby home from the hospital, I found the dog had got into the pram.

sarahcyn Mon 29-Jan-18 10:17:06

Your instincts are spot on newnannie. I’m an antenatal teacher and most of my clients initially have no idea what having a new baby really means.
She should also check this:
www.dogstrust.org.uk/news-events/blog/be-dog-smart-preparing-my-dog-for-the-arrival-of-a-new-baby

MaggieMay69 Mon 29-Jan-18 10:23:38

I was a dog owner, had been for years when I got my beautiful Irish setter, she was the so wonderful, sweet and friendly, the kids could pull her around and she never minded in the least, however, I then became pregnant with my third and the second my daughter was born, my dog became angry and jealous, no matter what we did, she just did not like having to share the attention, despite loving the children.
Dogs have their own personalitys as we know, however, you never ever know what a dog will be like with a baby, so this would be such a worry for me too. My own daughter decided not to get animals until the children were old enough to know how to treat them with love and respect...because you can know a dog for years, but youstill won't KNOW the dog....Maybe you could show your daughter this post.

Crazygrandma2 Mon 29-Jan-18 10:23:54

Another NO from here. I would suggest she has the baby first and discovers the reality of being a new mom. If she turns out to be supermom then good luck to her, but I predict she would be saying "Thank goodness I didn't get another dog!" I wish you luck in trying to make her see sense. My sympathy goes to you and her husband.

Newnannie Mon 29-Jan-18 10:34:22

Thank you Sussex girl!! I’ll have to bide my time, I’m hoping that She and SIL will hav discussed this soon. May I ask MaidMarion about your experience? If you don’t want to say though that’s fine xx

sarahellenwhitney Mon 29-Jan-18 10:37:13

Newnannie
A warning bell is ringing. Malmute no 1 or in fact any dog not used to children will find itself no longer the centre of attention when new baby arrives.Malmute no 2 plus malamute no 1 AND new baby ?the mere thought horrifies me.

Newnannie Mon 29-Jan-18 10:37:53

Thanks for the link sarahcyn!! I was thinking of suggesting that she consults her midwife?

Banananana Mon 29-Jan-18 10:40:53

Hi Newnannie, apologies if this doesn't make you feel good but my son and daughter in law have two malamutes, the 1st is a male and then they got the female - big, big mistake, they've had endless problems- too many to mention. My son admittedly said he wishes they'd not got her, she was supposed to be DIL's dog. They don't get walked enough, they can't take a holiday because they don't have anyone to look after them and they couldn't afford to put them in doggy care. I had 3 dogs because I was too soft and kept wanting to rescue - it was crazy and it minimises the time you have for family members, obviously you've got the continual cost. We've got 1 dog now after we gradually lost other : due to old age and cancer and I can honestly say it's lovely having more time for 1. Maybe point out the down points to your daughter but I dare say if she's got her mind made up then that's it. I feel for you and hope she might rethink things.

Newnannie Mon 29-Jan-18 10:43:49

I’ve just arranged for SIL to service my car tomorrow so ??I’ll get a chance to chat to him on his own x

Jalima1108 Mon 29-Jan-18 10:47:39

I agree with all the above posts.

Try to dissuade her, she doesn't yet know how demanding a baby can be and how one dog, let alone another dog introduced into the mix, will react. She won't have so much time for the dog(s) and trying to go for a walk with pram plus one dog is difficult enough.

And all that hair being shed with a crawling baby around - she'll be vacuuming twice a day (I know from experience!).

Malamutes shed heavily twice a year

Bathsheba Mon 29-Jan-18 10:49:05

Good luck Newnannie. Don't pull any punches - your SiL already has concerns, so you shouldn't find it difficult to spell out all the potential problems. I do hope it goes well and that he can persuade your DD to drop this idea. So much better for you if you don't have to be the one to persuade her!

Granarchist Mon 29-Jan-18 10:56:16

I am the least fussy grandparent on the planet - we have had labradors, springers and terriers with tiny babies with no problem whatsoever BUT even I say NO to this one! Especially as it is you that will be landed with exercising both these huge dogs. Your DD will find it very difficult to give the existing dog enough exercise without adding another into the equation. Utter madness! (and clearing up two lots of elephantine poos - no thank you!!!) I bet she is trying to be kind to the other owner - but she needs to be kind to you and to herself first.
Good luck

nokkie Mon 29-Jan-18 11:04:29

Can you not show her this thread? Tell her you wanted advice on how others had coped. We had an Alsatian when my child was small. Lovely dog but became jealous of the baby so had to let him go.

chrissyh Mon 29-Jan-18 11:30:33

What a good point Tegan. Maybe worth talking to a dog rehoming organisation or a vet for expert opinion on dog rehoming with a new baby. Hopefully, their opinion would back up your thoughts when talking to you DD. I've never seen a post n here where everyone is in total agreement.

luluaugust Mon 29-Jan-18 11:42:37

Afraid its a no from me, do show her this thread.

starbird Mon 29-Jan-18 11:50:24

I would tell your daughter about your misgivings, and make it plain that if she finds she can’t cope you would not be able to help. Then I would say no more. If she goes ahead and it fails, try not to say ‘ I told you so’.

As long as she has one dog, it will probably be very tender and loving with the child when it arrives, but two may romp around with each other instead.

It is, of course, between her and her husband at the end of the day. Unfortunately she has seen her friend cope with two dogs and one child. Does this mean your daughter only wants one child? Of course if she has a huge house and grounds and plans to take the dogs out when her husband or other person is at home to look after the baby, it could work from a practical level.

GabriellaG Mon 29-Jan-18 11:50:47

Could she cope with taking two hefty dogs for their proper exercise, plus pushing a new born in a pram? I think not. On a different note, how would she cope 'picking up' after them on a walk then handling her new baby without washing her hands? No no no.

Lewie Mon 29-Jan-18 12:15:55

A second dog would be a big mistake! The fact is that she won't have time for their existing dog once she has her baby, and thinks that two dogs will keep each other company. It is a fallacy - they won't! In addition she'll have two lots of exercising if she can't cope with two of them on the lead at once - and two lots of Vet fees. The first dog may resent being foisted off onto the new dog when all he wants is to be with humans. He may also resent the new baby unless the introduction is all handled very carefully indeed. New babies are a hell of a lot of work - and this on top of all of the above.
I've been breeding and showing a working breed of dog for 40 years and an important clause in all my puppy sales contracts is that no new baby is planned for at least 12 months, to ensure that the puppy gets all the attention while he is growing up.
Please make her see sense!

newnanny Mon 29-Jan-18 12:18:16

Hi Newnannie, I know it is so hard to have to tell adult children you disagree with them on something important. But in this instance you know how much work a new baby makes and how incredibly tired and sleep deprived your dd will be for the first few months when baby needs feeding every 3-4 hours. There is no way she should contemplate taking on a second large dog whilst pregnant. She does not know how her own dog would react or if it would become jealous let alone how either dog may react to baby. It is an accident waiting to happen. Talk to SiL about how worried you are and perhaps he can persuade your dd to wait until baby at least 5 and at school.

Jalima1108 Mon 29-Jan-18 12:18:20

I've never seen a post n here where everyone is in total agreement.
We are, aren't we - many of us speaking with the voices of experience.

Candelle Mon 29-Jan-18 12:18:24

My daughter, expecting her first baby, signed up for a post-graduate course.

When I (gently!) suggested that she may be taking on a bit much as she would be very busy with the baby, my daughter laughed hilariously and told me that she would far too much time on her hands and she needed something 'to do'. "The baby will sleep for 21 hours a day and I will be bored just sitting around, waiting for it to wake up." Hmmmm.

I realise that we do not have all the answers or knowledge but having had two children, I did know just how busy she would be - and I was right, particularly as her first child had a major problem with reflux (although breast-fed).

Please tell your daughter that she will be busy. She will be tired. She may not even have time to dress herself on 'bad days'!

We had a dog when our first baby arrived and it survived (although the look on its face when we brought down the carry-cot from the loft just before the second baby arrived, was a sight to behold - a study in dejection!).

Please ask your daughter to ask her friends who have had babies, particularly first babies, how much spare time they had. The problem is that no-one can prepare your daughter for the whirlwind that is about to hit her.

Perhaps she could have an arrangement whereby she could return the dog if she really could not cope...?