Grandsons first birthday present rejected

Granofone, I'm afraid you've got a lot of learning to do here and I speak from personal experience. It's taken me five whole years of learning to control my indulgence. For obvious reasons we want our GC to have the moon and every other item that's in existence. I don't know if that's because many of us had few toys as children or because we somehow feel that giving 'stuff' is a measure of our love. It certainly wasn't the latter in my case but the pleasure in buying for them was irresistable. I'm improving but it's certainly not easy. Not at all. I went upstairs with one GC to help her find a specific mislaid item. I was so overwhelmed when I saw the collection of cuddly toys from various people that I decided to count them. 68. She plays with one doll and that doll only. I have given larger items that have simply disappeared. No comment from me - parental choice. It's an ongoing dilemma that I never anticipated but having them is such a joy that I'm going to try to conform and behave responsibly. Totally out of character for me!

Either it is a practical consideration, or a control thing. In either case be honest about the voucher and let DIL decide what you spend it on. We were given rules, limiting gifts to £10, and either books or craft things. We knew in this case it was a control thing by DIL, but we more or less adhered to it. We have suggested big presents to the other side of my family, my DD, and have just bought a massive trike, but we asked if it would be acceptable first.

It was our granddaughter's third birthday this month. I asked her parents what she wanted and they said clothes. GD had received so many toys at Christmas the house couldn't take any more. GD was happy with her new clothes. I got extra cute ones from ASDA. All I'm saying is ask the parents what they'd like you to get, or give them the toy voucher.

Ask what they would like as a gift and see whether your toy voucher can extend to that - one of my step daughter’s lives in a very tiny house and I always ask what she wants because I know that unwanted large toys are immediately recycled at the local toy library - if you get what they want there is a good chance your grandson will keep it and really a child only needs one walker - so they have a garden shed - maybe they can store it in there and use it for walking around the garden

I uua.lly ask for suggestions. Big hots witg one year olds have included building blocks, duplo, play farm and noahs ark . All are still played with by 7 yr olds. Also pop up or lift the flap books or some that have buttons to make noises. Big favourites.

We asked our dill what to get our gd for her third birthday. She suggested a sandpit. We chose one and sent her the link. She agreed it was suitable and we ordered it to be sent direct. When it arrived she decided it was too big and we had to then negotiate to get it picked up by the supplier from an address that was different from our own. What a palaver and red tape. We now ask our Son what to get and only get smaller gifts. Lesson learned!!

Well, I don’t think there are any rules here but I think it’s great that your son can say to you, don’t get that! It reflects on the honest relationship you must have and I wouldn’t be offended. Maybe there are other things you can use the voucher for..and maybe ask him what they’d like. I do know what you mean-it’s lovely to indulge a grandchild with what we want them to have but it’s not about us any more! My son has the same problem with a small house. They are having a second child soon and goodness knows where everything will go! There are things I’d like to give but I’ve had to ask them first for the same reason. I do sneak in a few tiny little things when I visit though and they’re ok with that...just cheap things..that they can get rid off when the novelty wears off if they want. And when they’re older, I’m sure the children themselves will have their own ideas, so I’m afraid we have to go with the flow.(and yes, the daughter in laws parents do seem to have priority there, we draw short straws having sons in that way!)

I feel for you I really do, I have to reign in my desire to spoil my 1st grandson with toys, for his 1st birthday I brought him a Caterpillar see saw, the deal was I kept it here so when he comes ( which is 2-3 times a week) he can play with it and its "new" . You can always save the money that you would spend on him for when he goes to "big" school and needs a bike, and money for school trips, takes the pressure off mum and dad then. Im saving money to go towards such things in the future for him.

I think its really disheartening to see a tidal wave of toys, all jumbled together, and lots not even played with. It seems to be a common phenomena these days. I sound like an old curmudgeon now..

Don't take it to heart, it sounds as if your DS is being sensible and doesn't want you to waste money on another large toy which may have very little use.

Ask them what they would like for your DGS; he's only going to be one and won't know who gave him what. If they have room, then a Fisher Price item with little people could be a good idea. My DC and DGC all spent hours playing with theirs and using their imaginations from a very young age. But ask first!

For something memorable that will last why not buy a Beatrix Potter book and then buy one or two every year until your GC has the whole set. They are beautiful and will never go out of date - my GCs read the ones that my son was given as a baby.

The ELC do a range of Happyland toys that are very good and not so large; I'm not sure where your voucher is for.

granophone -- don't know if this will help -- my D is an absolute clean freak (claims to have OCD -- when I say 'claims' -- I mean it isn't diagnosed) -- I have two granddaughters (2 & 5) by her that have every toy under the sun in their home -- that they're rarely allowed to play with -- and when they are -- they are made to put them away properly afterwards -- with D telling them -- if they're not put away they'll (toys) go in the bin. So what I do now -- is keep all the toys -- books -- games -- crayons & paper that I buy for them at my home -- they love it when they come because they know they can make lots of mess with Nanny and not get told off -- another option -- is books -- all children love books and these don't take up much space.

I have learnt to sit back and see what others buy through experience,it will be my GGDs 2nd birthday next month (yes the time flies by doesn't it) her mum has 2 step fathers and 2 stepmothers so a very extended amount of GPs all trying to outdo each other to my DGSs disbelief.
DD and I now buy her the shoes she needs as and when every 3 mths and give a token present of items of minature furniture for her dolls house collection.

How about a starter layout of wooden train track. Make a bag for it and it can be added to over the years. We did this 40 years ago for DS1 and it is now being played with by the DGC and any visiting children. Still going strong when all the plastic tat is long forgotten.

Not everyone seems to have noticed that you want to use a VOUCHER.
Is it possible to (depending on the voucher) buy something small and give your son the voucher?

It's understandable to want to buy a big present for a first birthday, but OTOH I do understand the space problem - my dd had very little space until she had her extension, and it's still not exactly huge.
At one I found my little grandson adored little push-along vroom vroom cars that made a noise and had flashing lights, etc. And still does - he's only 19 months now. I know it's a bit boring, but I've given something smaller plus an addition to the savings a/c before - IMO they have too many toys anyway.

I don't know whether this would be an alternative, but I recently bought a lovely wooden toy box from John Lewis - the one with brightly coloured animal faces on. At least it makes tidying up a bit easier.

Greenfinch, your comment about 'bits' really resonated. What with working 4 days and having a 1 and a 2 year old, my dd just doesn't have time to be endlessly sorting out all the toys with bits, so I have vowed not to buy any more until they're quite a bit bigger. What I'm going to get for Gdd's 3rd birthday soon I just don't know though. Might well end up being a summer dress plus something little, and a donation to her savings account.

Lots of good advice esp from Faye. Important to focus on the child's needs not your needs. As others have said walkers are a particularly short lived and space consuming toy. Once the child is walking it won't be used again and they are not recommended as an aid to walking these days.

Most modern first world kids are drowning in toys. One family I know continually struggles with the overabundance of gifts from one gran despite many, many discussions. They have tried to give the gifts to charities after Xmas but even the charities refused brand new unopened toys because they so have so much donated after Xmas. The sad reality is that it all just ends up as landfill. Ditto the profusion of stuffed toys around. Apart from a couple of special cuddly toys no child needs or wants 100+ sentimental furry creatures that the gran buys almost every time she goes shopping. No use to the kids and bad for the environment.

For a one year old you can't go past a box of Duplo which connects with Lego as they get older. It has so many learning benefits for little ones and is perennial. When they visit my gc still play with my children's Lego saved from the 70s and love their Lego collections at their places.

If you have to use a voucher all at once how about lots of little things spaced out over age appropriateness and you will have a store of many gifts for a long time thus saving you time and money later.

I really think that the profusion of toys bought for 1 year olds are, in the end, a waste of time and space. Every charity shop is FULL of toddler toys. I remember when DGS1 was one, (he's 6 now) I brought a set of Thomas the Tank Engine books and felt a little sad that he went straight for the "bells and whistles" ride on toy bought by the other GP'S - but Thomas the Tank engine was still nightly reading two and a half years later, when the ride on toy was consigned to landfill.

at this age, I would often give clothes. The very large presents given by the other grandparents and uncle seem to dominate his living space. I know what a pain they can be for the parents who struggle to find room for the next big toy. Big is not better. If it was me, I would just give the voucher so they can choose their own.

I always check with the parents. In fact with my daughter who lives a long way away, she shows me a link to what she thinks is suitable and I either order it or transfer the money to her account and she orders it and wraps it and we send birthday cards. I panic in toy shops, everything looks the same to me so for me it's a blessing not to have to do that. In these busy modern times our children know best and if we can support them in their parenting we get the added bonus of stress free times with our grandchildren.

I would give the voucher to your son and ask him to buy something appropriate on your behalf. I won a playwright factory and wanted to give it to my granddaughter but my son said it was too messy for their small flat so I sold it and gave her the money instead. She bought a princess dress and was thrilled with it so a happy ending x

If they are limited with space, then I can understand that they don't want 2 similar ride on/walker type toys and your DinL will have asked her family to buy the toy of her choice already, I expect. Just because you think it's great doesn't mean they think it's practical or even like it.

I always ask what my daughters (and the grandchildren themselves when they are old enough) would like me to get as the main present and then I buy other smaller surprises of my own choice. I also confer with the other gran to make sure we don't duplicate especially re books. I'm sure there are other things you could buy with your voucher, Ask your DinL to suggest something from their catalogue.

No need to fall out about it or let it be a competition because you won't win. Alternatively, if you love it so much you could get it to keep at your house for your grandson to play on when they visit you , if they come regularly. I got a swing for my granddaughter to have at my house because I have a huge garden and they have a postage stamped one and it's a source of great joy every time she visits!!!

Play dough not playwright.bloomin autocorrect pfff