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My will and how to protect my daughter.

(31 Posts)
Daisynance123 Tue 06-Mar-18 01:36:49

Over the course of the past few months that I've been a member of Gransnet,I've come to value the good advice given to those who ask for it.
I am in dire need of some of that good advice now. My problem is this...and please forgive the lack of sutelty :-
I detest my daughter's husband . I cannot even bring myself to say SIL!
I won't bore you all with the details because the problem lies with the future,not the past. Specifically,my will and how to protect my daughter's future financially.
I am 71 this year and in increasingly bad health,so feel that time is of the essence.
My will leaves everything to my daughter and,should she predecease me ,to my grandson by her first marriage.
I strongly believe they will separate or divorce in the future but, should I die before that happy event, I presume he would be entitled to half my daughter's estate on the event of a divorce.
Frankly, I cannot allow that to happen. They have been married for 18 months. Financially he brought nothing to the marriage and for the last 15 months doesn't even have a job.
I'm wondering if one way out of this dilema is to leave my house to my grandson,with the proviso that my daughter be allowed to live in it for as long as she wanted. They live in rented accommodation now.
In a nutshell,that's my problem. Your advice would be greatly appreciated,even if you think I'm completely wrong.

stella1949 Tue 06-Mar-18 03:08:23

I would certainly consult a solicitor about this. I can understand your concerns, and I'd be the same if my daughter had a horrible husband. Leaving the house to your grandson sounds like a good way out of your dilemma, but make sure that you cross your t's and dot your i's by getting the whole thing drafted by a solicitor who specialises in wills. He husband would certainly be entitled to half your estate in the situation you mention. It almost happened to me when my mother died - thankfully my divorce had just been finalised before Mum died but he tried his hardest to get his hands on her money anyway. Nasty things can happen when death and money come into the picture, so in your shoes I'd be going to see the solicitor as soon as you can. Good luck !

Ginny42 Tue 06-Mar-18 03:26:48

I think her husband would only be entitled to any of your money if they remain married for a long time, c. 10 years is counted as a long marriage these days. In a short marriage you take out what you put in as a general rule of thumb. Do consult a lawyer. Sorry you're not well but I think you would feel better if you have peace of mind so the sooner you get it set in law the better you'll feel. Good luck!

travelsafar Tue 06-Mar-18 06:48:22

Good for you for thinking ahead about your daughter and grandson. Get to a solicitor as soon as possible. You need peace of mind that they are going to get what you want them to get.

This month is called Free will month so google and find a solicitor in your area offering the service. You are expected to make a small charity donation in place of their fee.

OldMeg Tue 06-Mar-18 06:54:07

Definitely see a solicitor about making your will. When you are there explain the situation.

Oopsadaisy12 Tue 06-Mar-18 07:01:20

Just what the other wise people have said.
Write a list of things that you want covered by your Will, anything you don’t 100% understand, keep asking for an explanation until you do understand it, and cross each item off your list when they have been dealt with.
I’m sure I bored our Solicitor to death, I insisted that although he and my DH seemed to grasp all the details immediately, I was often left behind with some of the legal terms, so he had to explain it to me in language that I could understand.
It might be a good idea to get on and do it sooner than later.

Oopsadaisy12 Tue 06-Mar-18 07:04:02

PS, if you leave the property in trust, that allows your DD to live in it, then I imagine her OH will also be there, it could prove difficult for your GS to get him out.

vampirequeen Tue 06-Mar-18 07:08:06

Definitely a time for legal advice. There will be a way around it. The rich have been doing this sort of thing for generations.

bikergran Tue 06-Mar-18 07:30:48

Daisy I cant believe you have just wrote what I have been wanting to write for years! your story is a mirror image..I shall follow the thread for advice...good luck.

maryeliza54 Tue 06-Mar-18 07:41:21

I’m very sure you won’t get a free will and don’t even try to get a ‘bargain’ - be prepared to pay for a really good solicitor, it will be well worth it. Go for a firm that has been well established in your town for ages and has several partners with one specialising in wills etc. When you make the appointment say your situation is complicated and you want someone senior. You are being s sensible thinking this through and wanting to protect your daughter. One final thought - think about a friend/relative who you really trust who would be willing to be a trustee as I’m pretty sure a trust will have to be set up to protect your estate. Go for a generation down from yourself.

Nannarose Tue 06-Mar-18 07:53:29

I completely agree that you need very good advice. You cannot control what your daughter does with anything she inherits from you, but you can arrange a trust that offers some protection to her child/ren. However, leaving it to your minor grandchild/ren, even in trust creates other complications.
These are the legal specialists:
www.step.org/what-step-does

Craicon Tue 06-Mar-18 08:06:04

I don’t know how old your daughter is but could she have another child (either before or after you’ve died)?
That could cause problems between the step grandchildren when they’re much older. The older one will have a house with no mortgage and the younger one could be stuck in rented accommodation with not even enough for a decent deposit.

janeainsworth Tue 06-Mar-18 08:08:59

Good advice maryeliza. I too believe that (usually) you get what you pay for, and if you need good advice, which the OP clearly does, you have to pay for it.

maryeliza54 Tue 06-Mar-18 08:28:36

Craicon that’s exactly what a properly drawn up will/trust will allow for - that’s what they are expensive because it takes up time discussing all the ‘what ifs’ and allowing for them. We thought we’d come up with plenty of ‘what ifs’ but our wonderful solicitor had seen it all and then some and added plenty more herself

Iam64 Tue 06-Mar-18 08:47:07

maryeliza54 has given good advice here in both her posts. A well established firm of solicitors, with partners who specialise in different areas of law. It will be cost effective and give you peace of mind. You are definitely not alone in your concerns.

Nanabilly Tue 06-Mar-18 08:50:49

Follow the advice given already and pay for a solicitor to draw up a legal document .If it's not done thoroughly to your wishes then you may not get what you want so in my opinion it's worth paying for it to
1.. Make sure what you want is legally acceptable
2.. Get it all written down legally so their is no room for any misunderstanding from any party.
3.. Give you peace of mind .

Apricity Tue 06-Mar-18 09:10:14

Would urge you to get good legal advice from a solicitor specialising in Wills and estates asap.This is not a situation where opinions or other peoples experiences that may, or may not, be informed or relevant are particularly valuable however well intentioned.

You need good legal advice that pertains to your personal situation. You are not obliged to discuss this with anyone other than your legal advisor if that is your wish. Be very clear about your concerns and your wishes with your solicitor. As was discussed on another thread you may wish to leave a letter explaining your actions with your solicitor that is only to be opened after your death.

Discussing these sort of issues with people who may feel aggrieved or disinherited before your death can be extremely stressful and pretty horrible. You don't need that stress. You are just trying to protect the future interests of those you love.

Violetfloss Tue 06-Mar-18 11:56:32

I was told a will is an outline of what you want it can't be set in stone.
However, you can leave the house in soley her name, because it's an inheritance there is loop holes and things so he can't demand 50% of it.

My nan did this with me. She wanted the house soley mine but I gifted half to my DH which she had no control over. So once it's gone to your DD she can do whatever she likes with it.

gummybears Tue 06-Mar-18 15:21:40

Apricity is absolutely correct: you need legal advice ASAP. Most firm's websites will give you an idea of what they specialise in; make sure you use one who regularly do trusts, executries and private client work. You need some quite specific advice.

It is rarely as expensive as you think, amd it will certainly pay for itself in the peace of mind it gives you.

Jalima1108 Tue 06-Mar-18 16:02:27

I was told a will is an outline of what you want it can't be set in stone.
A will is legally binding.
When it says it is not set in stone it means you can change the terms of it yourself if you wish.
It could be contested if anyone else thinks they have a right to any part or whole of your estate, but that would not seem to be the case here. Or a recipient of all or part of the estate could exercise a Deed of Variation if they wish.

A good solicitor will ensure your Will is legal, and difficult to contest and should cover all eventualities.

As it's not a simple will and you want it to be absolutely water-tight, perhaps the free will service may not be appropriate, but it is a good idea for those wanting simple or mirror wills. The amount given to the chosen charity can be as much as you wish and is paid out of the estate, not upfront.

Violetfloss Tue 06-Mar-18 16:56:11

Jalima1108 I don't think I worded that right.
My nan wanted the house soley left to me and to keep it that way, she then wanted the house left to her great grandchildren (my DDs) when I died.

It didn't pan out that way after she died. She didn't have control over what happened to it after it was in my name if you see what I mean?

So if the OP states she wants XYZ left to her DD and only her DD, she doesn't have any control over it once she isn't here, and its in DDs name.
But I think there's ways to protect XYZ if DD agrees with DM.

Jalima1108 Tue 06-Mar-18 19:25:51

Ah yes, I do see what you mean now.
Unless she had left it to them with the proviso that you could live in it (under certain conditions)

Jalima1108 Tue 06-Mar-18 19:27:14

But her will was legally binding - what she wanted to happen after her death is only a wish, a hope unless she had written the will differently.

jenpax Tue 06-Mar-18 19:59:40

If you left the property to your grandson and any future off Spring that your daughter might have and allowed for her to live in it for life, you would need it set up as a Trust. this is a complicated area of law and if not done correctly the trust could be broken or contested in a divorce. A further point to consider is how your own daughter might be effected by this as well as your grandson in her later years, it would be her home but she may want to move or need to move.the house would need to be sold and then the trust must specify what is allowable under its terms regarding selling, and who are trustees you would also need to make provision for the up keep of the house, is there a separate pot of money for this? The terms of the trust would need to specify who was responsible for upkeep
. As others have said I would strongly suggest that you get a probate and trusts solicitor to draw up the documentation there are a lot of things to be considered in estate planning and anything complex needs proper advice

Jackiesue Fri 09-Mar-18 08:10:08

I have just changed my will for exactly the same reason as you. What they asked me to do was leave everything to my grandson and explain why in a separate legal letter. This way even if it is contested the court will read the letter and dismiss it out of court. It's Like you are giving your wishes beyond the grave.