Gone off in a huff

You should go and you should thank them for being so understanding. Talk to them about it, don't be embarrassed, they sound very nice.

Why not also take the dog some dog treats to show that you don't hate the dog?

Why wouldn't your husband like it if you visited his mother on Mother's Day, especially as you say he does a lot for your father.

Phobia's can be successfully treated. This one is affecting your daily life and your most important relationships. Is there any reason you are so opposed to seeking effective therapy and engaging properly with that therapy. If you have children, its inevitable that your fears will transmit to the children.

A dog who was properly crate trained will happily go into the crate. There is no need for the dog be crated all day - just if people are in and out of the area where the crate is to be kept. He can be given a good walk before during and after your visit. Greyhounds are usually big, gentle creatures who run themselves giddy when out then sleep for a good while on return. An alternative to crating the dog is to used a child's safety gate on the door of the room the dog is kept in. Your role would be to keep a distance from that safety gate and avoid any eye contact etc with the dog.

A lot of things in life are a darn nuisance but one cannot go through life being frightened of daily encounters.

I too am afraid of dogs having been attacked by a large dog when I was a small child. When visiting friends with dogs I have found that if they keep the dog on the lead and they hold the lead whilst we sit and chat I feel much more comfortable (the dogs usually fall asleep on the floor!).

minxie I urge you to try hypnotherapy again with a different therapist, it has worked wonders for my DD.

And as Iam says, greyhounds are very placid dogs, I used to have one.

Thank you ladies, we are going and we will be there a couple of hours and then we go out. Phew, I think I can cope with that.
I will have another go at hypnotherapy to top me up so to speak xx

It's worth another try as you are limited in where you can go at the moment.

Have an enjoyable time on Sunday.
The dog should be perfectly happy if it is used to going in a crate, sometimes they like a refuge.

I noticed that my niece, who was timid around dogs, showed her fear by bending her elbows and holding her hands up on her chest so the dog wouldn't sniff them. The dog always thought she had a biscuit or treat in her hands and it was like a magnet. Once she learned to keep her hands down and open, the dog lost interest. She had to be very brave. Until we sorted it out, you could see that both were misinterpreting each other's body language and I could see how difficult that might have become if it had continued. It's good advice to see what help is available, but don't feel at fault for this phobia, which might have some very good historical reasons from when you were little.

Minxie wrote:
"I will have another go at hypnotherapy to top me up so to speak ".

I had in mind something like the desensitisation people get to overcome fear of spiders. Someone suggested getting to know a harmless puppy for a start.

Or a greyhound in a crate?

I had a lifelong fear of dogs having been attacked by an Alsatian when young. A few years ago now My friend had a Rottweiler and I was visiting her. I was scared but In time i grew to love this dog who was more scared of other dogs whatever their size than they could be of her. I was very sad when she died.
Another friend has a greyhound and she spends most of the time asleep. She is gentle and I am perfectly ok with her.
perhaos take the advice given and find someone with a really quiet dog. I really was thrown in it with the Rottweiler.
I still hate it when dogs bark esoecially when I am out but am much better than I was.
Hope it all goes well sunday.

I had in mind something like the desensitisation people get to overcome fear of spiders.
Someone I worked with many years ago used to do this and did offer to help me but I didn't take him up on it

Like cats homing in on DH's dislike of them, spiders seem to seek me out.

I can sympathise with you on this mattter as used to have a phobia (not a fear) of dogs. I once froze and started to panic when a poodle was being walked on a lead on the opposite side of the street! I had numerous days off work when I couldn’t bring myself to walk past my neighbors garden when their dog was out. I would take lengthy detours to avoid any dog I can hardly believe that I have owned 3 large German shepherds, a Heinz 57, fostered a staffy and now have a Labrador. There is light at the end of the tunnel, just take it slowly and take baby steps.

Well done Everthankful for having the drive and motivation to get over your phobia. Did you have treatment or did you tackle it yourself?

I am so sorry you have a phobia about dogs - that cant be easy for you. I have a friend and when her mum and dad visit (her mum isnt keen on dogs) they arrange for the dog to go to a friends for the day as they completely understand how she feels and realised how important it is. Could they not do something like that just for a few hours?

I don't like dogs after being bitten on the face by my aunt's farm dog, when I was nine. For years I hid my phobia. I would go to friend's houses who had dogs and just cringe when they came near me. Now I'm happy to admit I'm scared of dogs. As your in-laws are happy to put the dog in it's cage you should go along with good grace.

minix it isn't right that you should go. Go for your DH who has been kind to your family. Think perhaps that his family would like to see you both together. Tell your DH that you would like him to stay close by your side and make sure the dog does not come near you but do try.
I have claustrophobia and have led a very restrictive life for years until I decided to go for CBT. It helped a little but enough for me to know I had to face my fears myself and find a way through. With the full support and help of my DH I have come on considerably and for the first time in over 40 years have been in a lift and a plane and a train. Phobias are real and hard to cope with but perhaps now is the time to try and do something about it. Good luck

Sorry I meant it IS right you should go not isn't.

As a lifelong dog owner I get so, so frustrated when I see other dog owners telling people who are obviously afraid "Oh no, Scruffy is really friendly"!

I'm not fond of spiders, over the years I can cope with them but if there's one in the room one of us has to leave! Usually spider, in a glass with a bit of cardboard - if he ain't paying rent he ain't staying! Imagine a spider the size of a dog, running in all directions, you're unable to guess which direction it's going to head for next, and tell me "Oh no, Spidey is really friendly"! Then I think you could get some appreciation for the fear people have about dogs.

I too have been badly bitten and I am a bit scared of dogs especially when they jump up at me. It is infuriating when the owners say (as they usually do) 'oh shes's just being friendly! ' I'm sure owners can tell from my body language that I'm not keen. But it's not a phobia shich wpuld be vwry difficult as we see a lot of dogs out and ablu5t as well as at houses. With friends who have dogs I usually say 'Im.not a dog person' and they tend to keep dogs in another ROOM. But I can tolerate them in tge same room as log as they keep away from me.

Jalima: "Someone I worked with many years ago used to do this and did offer to help me but I didn't take him up on it

Like cats homing in on DH's dislike of them, spiders seem to seek me out".

True, fear of spiders seems to be inherent . The many replies show how fear of dogs was learned and is not inherent, and that is very interesting .

If Minxie could remember I'd bet that something or somebody in her past childhood taught her to fear dogs. Fortunately for Minxie she can learn to like dogs instead. All very interesting replies.

There are lots of dog minders around now. Ours goes to one for the day occasionally and stays with her when we go on holiday. He has a whale of a time with the other dogs. Perhaps you could offer to pay for this as it would be much better for the dog than being in a cage all day.

Ring your in laws up and just be blatantly honest with them both ! Otherwise it can snowball and create all sorts of problems. We have all just responded to a thread with difficult DIL’s !!

Then I think you could get some appreciation for the fear people have about dogs.

London I have ended up in hospital after a spider bite. Luckily discharged the same day after injections and observation.
Not in this country I should add, but they are something to be feared too.