Gone off in a huff

Lots of reasons for being frightened of dogs, but every one of them points to the fact that you need to deal with this fear for your own mental well-being and that of others around you. Go to your local dog training school/club and you will probably find that they allow people such as yourself to attend the classes, to sit and watch at fairly close quarters, how dogs are trained, and you will then progress to being able to be much closer to a dog, and then maybe to even touch one. You have to make the effort because dog ownership is a fact of life. Your in-laws are making the effort for you by offering to cage the dog and you are looking for another excuse not to go by saying you'll feel guilty - this seems to be all about you and not your wider family. So, woman-up - get some help and be forward-thinking - what about your own children (do you have any) - are you going to pass on your dog phobia to them? I know two people in the same situation to yourself. One has a three-year old child and her hubby has laid the law down that she is not to put any such ideas into the child's head. This has prompted her to look more rationally at the situation and to have dog familiarisation classes. She's improving no end. One of the children of another friend has also had such a fear of dogs, and he's been to dog training school where he's been close up with dogs and even got to the point where he lay down on the floor and let a trained dog walk over him. Everything's possible if you take a positive view.

Get some help dogs are lovely creatures. You will find it’s the best thing you have ever done.

I feel for you, but they’ve made an offer to help. If they already have a cage for the dog, that seems to imply that the dog already spends time in there, so no need to feel guilty. I know you said meeting up midway isn’t an option, but if you make the effort to go, showing you appreciate their provision, then you, or better still your OH could offer to take them out for a meal while you’re there.
My Mum lived nearly 2 hours away and we didn’t necessarily visit for a whole day, so a shorter visit would be another option if you are able to go. Hope you get something sorted.

Your dry sense of humour often makes me giggle Miss Adventure. ❗️ ‘Or a greyhound in a crate’. Love it.

I would go if the dog is going to be in a cage. Don’t worry about the dog’s wellbeing - I had a greyhound cross, a beautiful, gentle girl but the laziest dog I’ve ever come across. Your in- laws dog will probably relish the opportunity of a long, comfortable and undisturbed sleep!

Minxie .I am of the opinion the dog is not the main issue here but you had already made plans for that day so are not happy to re- arrange.If ' him indoors'' having sprung this on you would mean letting down others who were included in your plans for mothers day so then a compromise, don't blame the poor dog, but speak to his parents be honest and tell them what you had already done and can you meet up with them another time It would not hurt the dog for a few hours to be in a cage but in the mean time consider getting more help with your phobia. Dogs are a part of our lives. This is something you have to live with.

Forget about it. Just carry on with your day and don't even ask where he's been when he arrives home.
If you say anything it might be the start of an argument.
I'm not fond of dogs either and don't like them jumping up or sniffing me and definitely don't want them near the table at mealtimes or on chairs I might sit on.
It's ok not to want to go so don't feel guilty.

Lots of people are scared of dogs with good reason, as most of them have at the very least never had a dog, others have been bitten as children.

Your in-laws are behaving as responsible dog-owners should and being willing to keep the dog away from you.

It's entirely up to you, whether you want help to control your fear of dogs or not, but I do feel your life will be a little easier if you do get professional help to overcome your fear of dogs, as unfortunately, lots of dog owners are, unlike your in-laws, not at all bothered by the fact that a lot of people are scared silly of dogs.

Our pets are, as a matter of course, kept away from visitors who are afraid of them, allergic to them, or who just prefer not to be in the same room as them. This to me is just good manners on the part of a host, and obviously your parents-in-law agree with me on this.

Minxie, if the dog is cage trained he will not mind being in there, so you don't have to feel guilty. Greyhounds are big but they have very placid friendly natures. Take some dog treats with you to show the dog you want to be friends. If he seems a little too boisterous or runs up to you DON'T RUN AWAY or shout at him, just stand absolutely still with your hands crossed in front of you and turn your back on him. He will lose interest and walk away. This works with any dog you meet anywhere. Do try to overcome your fear even if its just for an hour, then it will get easier each time you visit. Good luck.

Dogs used to crates (not cages) enjoy them it is their own safe space. Stay in another room and make the effort to go, otherwise you are reinforcing your own fear. I have been a mental health worker and hypnotherapist, you have to take some measure of ownership of your own cure.

I have to put my dog who is bouncy, into the summer house when my GC come, it isn't the end of the world for anyone. If you had an allergy it would be the same thing, people would accommodate your needs as they have done.

You have to decide whethre you want rid of the phobia or does it do something for you that you rather like???Only you can own it and deal with it.

Stop being so silly - how old are you? I don't like dogs but when I go to a house with a dog the owner can usually tell I'm not keen and just puts them in another room. Did you have a trauma as a child, have you had a very bad experience at some point? Try to overcome it otherwise it will continue to damage more important things eg your relationships with husband and family.

I agree with others about CBT therapy as you seem to lack confidence. Why be embarrassed when everyone was told you had a dog phobia, it then warned the others about how you were feeling and not to let any dogs near you.
Why presume FIl is hating you because you have a problem. He has offered a compromise, which is not a sign of hate,
Why say you can't keep a dog in a cage all day, it won't be all day and many dogs are in cages for part of the day or sleep in them at night,

I would encourage you to go but make it clear to your husband that if they break their promise and the dog comes anywhere near you, you will go and sit in the car and expect him to take you home. Take a spare car key. Have the confidence to do this if it happens and don't worry about upsetting them.

The sad thing is that if you had an allergy to the dog and came out in big red spots, or had respiratory problems they would understand and not expect you to visit.

Coiuld you offer to pay to put the dog in kennels for the day? This would get the dog out of the way completely and avoid him being cramped in a cage all day.

A phobia is a totally irrational fear you cannot control. It is not just a dislike of something. You should try to explain to your D(?)H what it is.

I suggest you show him the NHS site on the subject www.nhs.uk/conditions/phobias/

P.S. Minxie - In a previous post today we heard of a DIL who would not have contact with her in laws, could your in laws think you are doing the same when they atr trying to be so accommodating.

Just a thought on how misunderstandings can happen

I had a phobia about dogs for most of my life, having been bitten by one when I was nine. I absolutely hated country walks, or even walking in a village where there might be dogs loose in th garden. Couldn’t even stand in for my son’s paper round in emergencies because the big black dog in the corner house was usually outside in the mornings. Then 18 months ago my daughter decided to get a dog. I was horrified and did my best to talk her out of it. She got one anyway, and he’s the sweetest little animal ever. I now take him for walks, by myself, and can mostly cope when other dogs come bounding up to us, as long as they are not too big. What’s interesting though is that dogs used to come at me aggressively and they don’t any more, it’s true that they sense your fear and react to it. So I do completely understand how you feel!

A phobia like this needs graded exposure to overcome it. It really isn’t a ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’ situation. Because dogs are often encountered in our society, you should be able to receive treatment from your local Community Mental Health Service. I suggest going to your GP, explaining that this phobia is having a disabling effect on your life e.g. visiting relatives (and I’m guessing), walking through a park and any others you can think of. Graded exposure is treatment in which you slowly and very gradually move step by step to the feared object (a dog), using anxiety management techniques throughout. You should not move from one step to the next until you no longer feel anxiety at that step. You would start by talking about and imagining a dog, moving on to pictures, videos, then a small friendly dog and so on.

Good luck.

Start watching tv programs about dogs too to desensitise yourself, especially all those cute puppy ones and the ones where animals do the funniest things. I love all animals, I like them better than most people, but I do ask guests if they are okay if my cat comes in the room as I know she will end up wanting to sit on the lap of the person who doesn't like cats.

Repeat after me......I do not have a phobia; it is fine to be wary of dogs; they can be dangerous.

This medicalisation of a reasonable concern really makes me mad!!!

Thanks Ladies, my in laws are well aware of my phobia even though I hid it for years as I was embarrassed.
The dog doesn’t even go to kennels as he would pine!! So going to someone else’s house for playtime is a nono.
Apparently we are going just for a couple of hours ( tortuous hours )
I shall talk to my inner dog, ( hypnosis taught me that)
So wish me luck and if you hear of a redhead carted off to hospital With a break down. It’s me

Lucky four: I am not being silly and I know how old I am thanks.

I don't see why they can't let the OP stay at home and go without her? Why are some people never happy unless the entire family are herded up together

Do you feel anxious about other things too? Or is it only dogs?

Dog are rarely dangerous.

Hi minxie - Just want to wish you "Good Luck" and to say focus on how pleased you will be with yourself when the visit is over! X

minxie I think you are a brave and selfless woman to even consider going to visit at all given your aversion to dogs. I have a phobia of birds and there is no way on earth I would go visit someone who had a bird in their house, even if it was in a cage. I wouldn't care who was put out by my decision. I take my hat off to you.