Inheritance

I wholeheartedly agree with Bluegal

No, you are already helping him by supporting him £25 is nothing these days.
Tell him your dad your choice and if he has a problem with that then tough.

I don't think you should be pressured like this. You need it more than him at the moment. He's got his life ahead of him to make something of it, but you are more limited I'm sure, especially with a disabled son to look after. Just say, no!!

Inheritances always seem to bring out the worst in people - I've seen it. The sense of entitlement is astonishing at times.

You are already helping him financially by accepting such a low amount of rent.

To be asking this question, you obviously feel that he should not expect to be given a lump sum from what is your future money to live on.

The answer - no. It is yours. If you change your mind because you WANT to give, and without any feeling of resentment, then that is your decision to make.

therese,

At age 27, your son is a grown adult! He should be thinking about why he's not living on his own and becoming independent, instead of pressuring you to hand over all or part of your rightfully acquired inheritance.

Your father intended that inheritance for you ...ALL of it... and it's yours to keep (nobody else's) for as long as you live!

I'm guessing the money produces a regular monthly amount for your living expenses and that's reason enough why you shouldn't touch it. Just remember that you don't 'owe' your inheritance to anyone, not even your adult son.

When my Father sold his house and went to live with my sister on France he gave my sister and me a certain amount and kept some for himself for treats etc. The first Christmas after receiving this I gave both my children £1000 each with every intention to give more as and when they needed it as they both had families and homes of their own. Well I was informed the next day that given how much I had received from my Dad that this was not enough!! I'd had every intention of helping out when they needed it in the future. Of I'd given them a larger amount each it. would have been spent in a flash with nothing to show for it.
I have to say their reaction broke my heart and caused a rift for years. They didn't understand my motive of drip feeding them monetary gifts when they would need it in the future. It also took away all the enjoyment I initially felt at giving them that first £1000 for Christmas. Fast forward 10 years or so and bridges have been built and they've had more than their share from me in monetary gifts for holidays carpets and wedding presents. They know I was right and I hope that one day they will both be able to apologise properly to me. In the meantime I'm happily SKIing (spending the kids inheritance) without any guilt whatsoever. If there's anything left when we die they can have what's left but we intend to enjoy what my Father left ME!

I think he should be ashamed of himself. As an adult he has no right to anything and if he does inherit from you at some point he should be grateful. I have tried to talk to my DSs about inheritance and they keep telling me to spend it and enjoy it. They don't expect a thing.

interesting case Mine had some similarities except that my father wished to disinherit one of my children. Rather than explain to her I decided it was MY money and did not give anything to any of them

£25? Really? Where I live a rented room in a shared house to include all bills is around the £400 per month mark, add to that food and insurance for property etc. Your son certainly has a generous enough Mum already.
Your responsibility is to provide for yourself and your disabled child, the others should jog on behave like the adults they are and provide for themselves.

Where is the OP?It would be interesting to hear her remarks on the response she has aroused.

Your father left the money to you.

Perhaps you should sit down with your adult son and list all the household outgoings, rent/mortgage, council tax, repairs, tv licence, WiFi, electricity, gas, oil and the FOOD - his £25 probably barely covers his share of food so to me he living entirely rent free and you are heavily subsidising him. Does he have a job? Depending on the value of the inheritance I would be thinking along the lines of offering him - at a later date, not right away - an amount that would help with the deposit on a flat perhap a proportion of the deposit. May I ask how helpful he is with his brother. If he is very kind and helpful I would see him differently to the person asking for money. And of course only you know how nicely, or not, he asked and how sensibly he would use it. A gift is a gift but he has not waited, he has asked. Do not rush into a decision. And think of yourself. Perhaps you need some respite and a holiday to invest in your health and strength in caring for your other son. Lots to think about.

Great post, Feelingmyage55.

Why isn’t there a “like” button on gransnet?

You are already giving your son, by providing a home at such a small rent. He has no right to ask you.

As others have said you are already subsidising him every week. For a start I think you should consider making him contribute more rather than living off you as a grown man. No, this is not his money but yours to live on for the rest of your life. He will have to wait his turn and see if there's anything left. After all you don't know what you may need. Firstly I hope you arrange a great holiday or treat yourself in some other way. Secondly put it well out of his reach. The fact he has asked you shows a terrible disregard for your feelings and a great sense of entitlement. You must keep control and manage your finances as you see fit.

I would tell him he will get his inheritance when you die and not before, unless you come into a lot of money!

Presumably therese, if your father had wanted your son to benefit from his estate he'd have left him something. I'd say 'no', you'll inherit from me one day; if there's anything left of course.

You received your share after your father died, they will receive their share after you die. It was left to you.

They'll get what is left of that inheritance on your death (I presume). They have to wait their turn - you did!

My Mum left me and four siblings about £27 each after funeral cost. Me and three sisters chose to pass on £1k to each of our children. My other sibling chose to keep their share to themself. So 14 dgc got £1k each and 4 got nothing. It is your money and your choice. I have 2 adult sons living at home in loft extension and eldest (who earns more) pays £90 and younger one £75. This covers everything and they have Sky TV in rooms and superfast broadband but they do own laundry and youngest cooks for family once each week. My eldest saving for deposit but he has to learn value of money. £25 can barely cover his food let alone laundry, electricity etc. I would increase his contribution as he is an adult not a child.

If you give the money to your son towards a house you will not only not have the money to live on, your son will move out and then not be paying £25 towards his keep. You will be doubly worse off. Give both sons a small amount as a gift and save the rest for your future.

Read ‘King Lear’ and never give, money, power or influence away. Your son is being presumptious and will cut up even rougher if you give in to him. You can tell him nicely that anything you have left over after you die will be left to him and his siblings. After all, you are subsidising his living costs now. Hint that if he pushes it you will have to ask him to leave.

No. Just no. In fact, I'm wondering if your current subsidising of his lifestyle ( it's only partly so he can save ) has made him feel so entitled to the shirt off your back.

I'd be revisiting how much he pays you in dig money. And putting it up to a more reasonable sum.

It's your money. It's for you to spend on yourself or how you wish. Your son is already living on the cheap. He is lucky to have this. He is not entitled to your inheritance. His time will come. Stick to your guns. He is not owed anything.

Whats the saying....if you ask you dont get. No way! The mony was left to you....for you to enjoy/make life easier. If there's any left Im sure you will leave some to your sons. At his age he would probably go out and 'enjoy' the money....you do the same....

No one in my family has ever inherited any money from anyone ever and I can’t see that changing over the next generation either. If, ( and it’s a giant if) I was ever fortunate enough to get something from anyone or anywhere I would be very happy to share with my children, grandchildren and my sister too. They would certainly not need to ask or hint . I would enjoy sharing my good fortune much more than keeping it for myself .