Having issues with MIL need help!

Yeah...I would want a cast-iron assurance that MiL's b/f was never going to be left alone with the baby even if MiL was only 'nipping to the corner shop' or cooking dinner or any other circumstance.
No, in fact I wouldn't even be happy with an assurance as I'd always be worrying at work.

After reading all these posts I'm jolly glad that I don't get put upon by my children. Rules for looking after baby, watching what and how you do the tasks, being a taxi for ferrying GC to and from school, playdates, weekends, babysitting, ironing, taking meals round...whew!!
Then there's some animosity between GPs about who has the most access to GC and jealousy about who spends Christmas with whom and then the price of presents rears it's ugly head.
I don't know... (sigh)
I brought up my children virtually single handedly as H worked offshore, his parents in Oz, my father dead years before I married and mum lived 150+ miles away.
Granted, I didn't have to work but looking after 5 children kept me busy. How do adults not manage? Help from all quarters and still many of them 'suffer' from anxiety, all sorts of mental health issues (if the posts here are indicative of the true scale of the problem) MiL and other problems, it goes on...
I thought that when you became an adult, married or had a life partner, had a job and had children together, that you'd be old enough to run your life yourself, not have to be propped up financially, emotionally or physically by your parents, via their bank or babysitting, ready made meals, taxiing services etc.

GabriellaG Some of us believe we're parents for ALL of our childrens lives.We dont cut them off when they turn 16 or refuse help if its asked for...or even if its not .I see my AC almost every day ,sometimes my son pops in twice a day and they msg me and phone when they have something interesting to talk about..or a problem.I've watched GC for 15 years and will happily go on looking after them .Its not propping them up its what families do. I dont understand any mother who doesn't like being a part of their FAMILY's lives .

I think there is a difference between being a part of their FAMILY's lives and being propped up by your parents.

My experience of bringing up a family was like GabriellaG's (except that I didn't have 5 children) simply because of DH's job, not living near parents etc.

I hope our family has found a happy medium and we do some child care for DGC and see family as often as possible, but it is whatever suits each family and the individual family members - as long as everyone is happy.

mamabear Its a shame your contact has been ignored by your MIL. Not good! I hope that your husband/her son can help. What was your relationship like with your MIL before the baby was born by the way?

What is MIL?????

MIL = mother in law

sarahellenwhitney

I think your asking why I haven’t made the same request of my own mother?
I did, make the same requests
My mom came to my home and played, went on walks, etc built a relationship with my daughter. The first few time she took care of her, on her own, she came to my house to get settle with her routine. She now watches her at her home, she also has a full set up there for the baby everything she should need is already in her home ( her choice to do so) we didn’t rush into it either. The smoking is also not an issue because no one smokes. I asked her and she agree no discussion that’s why when I made the same request of my MIL that I was so taken aback by her refusal.

I think one of the problems is people are just different! What one person gets the meaning and reason for another doesnt. Your mother probably has the same outlook on things as you which would be expected, your MIL has a different outlook on life and childcare. Maybe as others have said you need to reach out to her and just explain your point of view (gently!) and maybe ask her to be more involved in your childs life.
Some of the comments on here have been a little harsh but as I said everyone is different and it would be a strange day if we all saw things the same way!

By the way you and your husband maybe need to get to know the boyfriend better too, it does seem like he is going to be a big part of MILs life!

Thanks for that, Hazbeen:

"it would be a strange day if we all saw things the same way!"

I'd have been worried and afraid to take charge of my grandchildren when they were babies.I was completely confident with my own babies but lacked self confidence about my grandbabies and doubted that my sons and daughters in law would have trusted me to get it right. I was happier in grandchildrens' company when they were older, but never got much chance to do things with them . I never knew what this was , whether they did not trust me personally, or whether they did not regard a grandmother as acceptable company on outings and so on. I never knew which it was. It does not matter now as all are adults and set in their ways.

I'm not like the OP's mother in law . I like to be instructed about what I am expected to do and concede to the parents.