Fear of Aging

You knew when you were 35 that you would get older or die. Now that you're 70 you have achieved something many were unable to. Stop worrying about nothing.

Only since having a hip replacement have I begun to see myself as getting old.
I live on my own from when DH passed away seven years ago and with family in a different time zone frequently feel isolated and vulnerable. I have to get a grip and say there are others worse of than myself and what I can't stop is the clock so get on with it. Easy to say doing is another thing.

My Grandmother always used to say' if you are lucky you'll grow old'.
I wondered what she meant. Now that I am 71 years old I know! and am looking forward to a few more. All good wishes for the future, old age? it's just a state of mind.

Mancunianma, I find meditating very helpful for any time I feel 'down'. The saying really is true that happiness comes from within. I got lazy and out of practice but now make meditation part of my every day routine. A really good place to start is Headspace.com as it gives short 3 minute practice sessions.

Lovebooks, nice to see another supporter of Dying with Dignity!! (my life, my choice!!

Look at some of the old celebs and how well they're doing. Joan Collins, Nicholas Parsons, Sheree Hewson, Anita Harris (slim and almost unchanged at 74, singing on TV last week). I know they've probably had work done, but still...there's hope for all of us

The same advice for everyone here. Get up every morning get properly dressed and go out. If 'properly dressed means make up or nice shoes then do that. Find an appointment. See a friends, go to a class, volunteer for something, church, bridge, politics, whatever. Just remember, whatever you do will change, friends move, the class finishes, you get fed up with the Party. Just find something else to do. And again, something else. Prepare to make new friends, read different papers, try dancing. Something every day. If you do that aging will not be such an issue and your lonelyness will recede. Good luck

I'm five years younger than you, OP, and sometimes when I am down I wonder what the future will bring, but really there is no point in worrying about something that might never happen, or about the unavoidable.

DH and I have found it helpful to take a long look at our house and decide what labour-saving devices are worthwhile now, what tasks we feel are beyond us, or will become beyond us. For example, he spent the morning checking prices for an electric motor he can fit my bicycle with, as I find biking a strain on my knees, but don't want to entirely give it up.

Some things take a little longer these days, but I try to be thankful that I still can wash my own floors, weed my own flower-beds etc.

We have also talked honestly about the fact that neither of us think we would want to live here alone, and we might in ten -fifteen years time find this house too large and what we think now we will do then, always supposing we are both alive and reasonably fit then.

Exercise is good and necessary, but don't overdo it!

Hope you find when you are fully over that dratted flu that these sad thoughts recede again.

Oh I relate to your post, I’m 61 soon to be 62 I’m told I don’t look my age and I’m active still working part time and only minor niggles health wise. I don’t feel my age my head still thinks I’m in my 40s.However I can’t get it out of my head that I’m getting old and to be honest I’m scared. It’s when I say/ think gosh I’m in my 60s now that it sounds old. I have sleepless nights over it.

Oh Tessa101. Don’t have sleepless nights over ageing!

I’m 75 (and a half!). Worked til I was 67. Became a first time grandma at 70 and survived a life-threatening illness at 72 - but that was nothing to do with my age, just that I received inadequate medical attention at the start.

I am fairly active, walk a lot and have just spent a couple of hours gardening. Next week we plan to travel around England staying at Premier Inns on the way.

Age is just a number. I remember years ago, a neighbour of my late mothers who was quite decrepit at 58. Nothing actually wrong with her but she complained all the time about getting old. One day my sister said to me, ‘You wouldn’t think Aggie was the same age as Joan Collins would you?’ I saw the funny side of it...

I'm lucky to have two friends in their 90s who frequently put me to shame. Both try to get out every day and are not yet ready for the Granny flats awaiting them at their children's homes. Just being with one of them is rejeuvenating!
They are amazing women who regard the Queen with approval as she too just gets on with things without a fuss.
Me, at a mere 78 I've discovered I can enjoy myself writing and performing poems. An unrelated young man refers to me as HipHop Grandma!
I know, only too well, that physical and mental conditions can drag you down can drag you down into lonely misery. There is some wonderful advice on this thread, Gransnetters give each other so much support. Thanks for the morale boosts people!

The depredations of aging aren't much fun sometimes but as someone said, "Would you rather die young?" It's sad if you spend whatever time you have worrying about what's to come.

Learn to make the most of life,
Lose no happy day,
For time will never bring again
Chances swept away.

Leave no tender word unsaid,
Love while life shall last,
For the mill will never grind again
With water that is past.

Someone wrote that in my autograph book many years ago. Haven't seen the book in a long time but have remembered the verse.

Mancunianma I also live alone and have been ill this winter. As it happens, I've developed a nasty illness that means that every little bug lays me low for several weeks...
So I have an emergency plan, which is to always ensure that I've got enough food stored to last me for at least a couple of weeks, then, if I can't get out, I know that I can have something to eat; some tins of soup, tuna and beans, a couple of sliced loaves in the freezer, some eggs, a packet of porridge oats, cornflakes, some baking potatoes, cheese, butter and milk will allow you to keep yourself going, even if (like me last January) you live on soup, porridge and baked potatoes & cheese for a while...!
I also started to order an online delivery of groceries every six weeks or so, so that if the weather's icy or I'm not well enough to get out, I can do this with confidence, and keep myself stocked up.
The other thing that I've done is to register with my doctor online, so that I can order repeat prescriptions and then the chemist will deliver them, meaning that I don't worry about running out.
These are small things, but they mean that if I'm confined to the house, at least I know that I can eat and that my medication won't run out, which is a weight off my mind.
I've found that this 'forward planning' has given me peace of mind, and I don't fear being ill as much as I used to - I hope that you can put your own plan in place so that you will feel the same

Enjoy your retirement and treat yourselves to month-long holidays in the sun or enjoying history at least once a year until you no longer can manage it.

...you’ll be glad you did.

No one can escape it embrace it and live your life as fully as you can

I just don’t feel old at 70. I keep active and mix with all ages. The young keep me young. Today I have been on my one of my long bike rides and been chattered up by a fellow older cyclist. In fact he invited me to a coffee morning on Tuesday to meet some of his friends. My husband who was with me but a little bit further on now describes him as boyfriend no.2. I will say we are very happily married but I don’t seem to see many olderwomen cycling. Made me feel young!

Luckygirl, I too found my singing voice was very weak at times - noticeable at choir. I saw an ENT consultant who looked at my vocal chords via camera. It turned out that they were very dry. I also suffered from mucus and acid reflux. I was prescribed Gaviscon Advanced and referred to a speech therapist - and also advised to up my fluid intake.

I'll swap with you I wish I was 71 I am 81 but still going strong.

Well done mollyc!
Keep going

“Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.”
―Anonymous

Bend1x

Must just say that whenever I was feeling old and wrinkly, going to visit my mother in her care home would make me feel like a relatively spring chicken again.

Seeing all those poor old things who hadn't a clue what day it was, the 87 year old one crying because she needed to get home to her mother - and even the cheerful one having her nails done, who told me her nail polish had only cost 1/6d! - all made me feel there was plenty of fairly robust life in the old girl yet! (At least, I hoped so!).

Those visits are no more since my mother died in 2015, but I do still remember how the contrast made me feel.

Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get” said Forrest Gump - a quote from The book Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami.

Witzend and

Mancunianma you are still not that old you know! You might even have in excess of 30 years more to go so you need to enjoy and make the most of it. Lots of good advice already given but together with all that about diet and exercise I would add some supplements. Take a really good multivitamin and also a hefty dose of vitd3. (In the northern hemisphere it is said that we need 4-5000 daily) You will feel much better after a couple of weeks or so and it will help to keep your mood and health elevated.
Our grandmothers knew more than a thing or two and they knew that not only is a good quality Lavender essential oil very useful for all kinds of health ailments but it is a very good mood enhancer and relaxant. Get a really good one without an expiry date (which means that they have diluted with an oil which will spoil) and use it like a perfume. NB Keep it away from your eyes! In case of accidents use milk or yoghurt to 'wash' it out. Do not try water as that does not help.
When you get up in the morning go to the bathroom mirror and say "Good morning Mancunianma, you are looking particularly gorgeous this morning" and I can guarantee you will not only smile but may be laughing depending on just how ridiculous you feel. Believe me it builds on itself and I enquire 'what exciting things are planned for today' and if there isn't anything then 'crack on and sort something out then'. This should start the release of all those endorphins and you can continue on that theme by finding something to laugh at. It could be a book, a film, some music or some of those fantastic old monologues which you can find on your computer.
If your circle of friends is too small then work at widening it and socialize more. Get out and about or invite folk in for coffee. If you are on your own when going out for a coffee or lunch then take a magazine just in case there is nobody you can speak to. Join things!
Hope you feel much better in every way very soon and do let us know how you get on!

Life can change so quickly, 15 months ago i was part of a large extended family , worked for several local charities, active in Church activities. All gone because people die, ill health takes a grip and people move away. It has all been a shock but has to be accepted .

Know just what you mean Annie as we too have had such an avalanche of happenings in the last 5 years with the last 15 months being the worst with the traumas resulting from DH's crash being the most significant. At present DH is back in hospital yet again and I am unable to get out of bed. We have no option but to tie a knot and carry on, supporting others as we go if we can manage it.

for you Annie and please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.