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Horrid neighbour

(43 Posts)
Guineagirl Wed 16-May-18 12:00:12

I joined really for someone to chat to and to just have a bit of support. It’s a long story which would take too long to go through really and I hope I don’t seem a weak victim as I really do feel like one. We have lived here nine years now, we were never welcome from the first day with the elderly couple next door due to owning a big van, apparently we should beggar off pheasants. Seven years of bullying ensued, we videoed things which the police told us to. We were victimised and ignored everything. I kept a long diary until us ignoring them made the wife move on whom we do think suffered with narcissism she was an alcoholic as well and seem to take it all out on us. 2014 my Mam developed dementia rapidly and I cared for her, she got bladder cancer and I in the end had to register her into a care home, I was with her when she died. My daughter at the same time moved three hours away with her job. Depression set in and hasn’t really gone. Both were my life. The drives are along each other on our property with a gravel soak away in between we put on our property posts and chains as they used our drive to get to their garage. Recently he has been back to bullying me very passive bullying. Speaking to me, staring when I back my car out which has a gap three inch either side because of the boundary and generally passive bullying. I coped before but that was before all the things with Mam etc and it has made me feel worthless. I ignore everything and walk past to the garage, get car out and drive off. Is this correct, I feel so useless and alone in all this. I don’t want to interact with him as I regard him as a waste of my time and I have other things to worry about but I do feel weak. Any help would be nice x

gillybob Thu 17-May-18 11:21:32

When they threatened me, I rang the police and they said that they would ask them if they were prepared to leave. When I said 'but they threatened me' they just shrugged their shoulders. A bit later I looked out and they were laughing and joking with them

This sounds so familiar Jaycee5 it was our experience too!

In our case it was as though the police were keeping on her good side.

quizqueen Thu 17-May-18 11:24:01

Why live in a situation you have hated for more than 7 years, you should have moved ages ago if you can't cope with things as they are.

gillybob Thu 17-May-18 11:28:00

It was a lady from the LA Neighbour hood Anti social behavior team that got my parents out in the end Yellowmellow.

Yes Grampie you are right about declaring disputes when you sell. My parents sold at £20k less than the going price (ex LA house so I'm only talking in the £50k's ) with a declaration made about the drug addict next door. Full police reports and anti social reports etc. were all handed over to the solicitor . The lovely couple who bought the house have stayed in touch with my dad (sadly my mum passed away) and even invited him round to see what they had done to the place. Looking at the young lad I don't think he would take any messing.

Rosina Thu 17-May-18 11:59:35

Nasty man. He can't have much of a life, boiling away in his own bile and being hateful. I do sympathise and you must feel awful right now with all the unhappiness that you have had. Can you get some help from talking to a therapist/counsellor - maybe your doctor can arrange some sessions that will get you over this is bad time. I do wish you well.

Coconut Thu 17-May-18 12:01:11

Have you spoken to the previous owners to ask if they had issues with the neighbours ? Or any other neighbours in the vicinity ? I would get the camcorder and every time he stands there staring at you I would let him see you film him while you walk to your front door. It records date so you have a record of the frequency of incidents. They obviously lead very boring lives, to be so focussed on yours, and obviously are too illogical for an air clearing discussion. I would also notify the Police at how intimidated you are now feeling. There is always newspaper involvement to embarrass them, or the tv show with the nightmare neighbours !!

Guineagirl Thu 17-May-18 14:18:38

This is to everyone, thank you for chatting, it really means a lot to me. Vickya, I stayed at my daughters two weeks ago for a long weekend and go again in a weeks time. I feel a different person there and full of self esteem probably because I’m near her and I guess I love being with her and vice versa.

I went out earlier got the car out, he came out strutting about like a silver back and the nausea in my stomach went when I got out the street. Quarter of a mile coming back the nausea comes back. I think the problem is me really at my age I shouldn’t be like this. I can do pretty much a lot of things, which I’ve now mastered the underground now and have no nausea but here I feel sick, it’s mad really. I’m so annoyed with myself.

Purplepoppies Thu 17-May-18 14:38:18

He sounds like a right charmer!! How awful living like this without support from your husband.
In your shoes I would kill the neighbour with kindness, really OTT smiling and waving etc. Maybe even bake him some cookies! Make HIM feel uncomfortable if you can. It might just work, if you can find the strength 💐

Guineagirl Thu 17-May-18 14:59:24

🤗 Purplepoppies yeah maybe that would work. when I came back from the break last week he asked sarcastically ‘did you have a nice time’, as a way of getting me to interact, he didn’t ask in the way nice people do. I ignored but maybe I should of said ‘yeah did some wonderful things, thanks’, because I did.

Purplepoppies Fri 18-May-18 05:57:46

Guineagirl you can do it!!! I'm rooting for you 💐

EmilyHarburn Fri 18-May-18 09:57:39

I think this man is best ignored. Do you and your husband each have a car? Could your husband park your car in the street when he leaves and you intend to go our so that you do not have to walk past your neighbour and back out with such care because of the boundary fence?

What is your back garden like? Have you managed to get privacy from your neighbour there?

I thin you are feeling very lonely and depressed. Hopefully you can get some effective counselling help and start going out more to things that you enjoy.

It may be helpful to look for a Human Givens Therapist as they work to help you look at what is missing in your life and how to get your needs met. They are a brief therapy method that works in the present and is solution focused..

Guineagirl Fri 18-May-18 11:17:15

Vickya, thanks. I see my daughter for all bank holiday next week so I’m looking forward to that. She is in houseshare so we stay in a hotel so I couldn’t stay with her. He’s out so I polished my car on the drive and enjoyed every minute of it, no sick feeling. I wish I could act and feel like this when he is in but if I were to do this he keeps coming out, plays the trumpet with windows open or sticks loud music on with windows open so I clean my car usually at the car wash. Sad I know, it’s just my way of not having a confrontation. Th sick feeling is like a dentist appointment, it also causes indigestion.,

minxie Mon 21-May-18 14:09:27

You could use reverse psychology and every time you see your neighbor. Give him a cheery smile and a wave. It will completey throw him and eventually seeing your not bothered. He may leave you alone

Mapleleaf Mon 21-May-18 17:43:00

Yes, minxie’s idea could be worth a try. It wouldn’t be what he would be expecting!

Guineagirl Thu 05-Jul-18 11:42:19

Hi,

Just a rant above the revving motorbike next door, incidentally revving by an 81 year old. Feeling very bullied he was away a week a week ago and oh my it was bliss. Doing what I wanted down my drive. Tuesday backing the car out the garage he came out, stood and stared pretending to do his shoe laces. I didn’t react just went off about my business. The boundary posts we put in nine years ago were just at the corner of the house to the garage bolted to our concrete even though there is a six inch soakaway in between the drives both neighbours own. He has started backing on our drive totally all four wheels on ours at the front of the drive, life is too short I know but I have such integrity, morals and hate rudeness for some one to do this especially when I keep to my property. It’s bullying and sense of entitlement, some down here have put six foot fences in between for privacy and to stop this. My attititude is we never know what’s round the corner but also need to rant about it. If you have nice neighbours it’s ok but he is a narcissist and I know what he does it for. It’s akin to a brother going in your bedroom when Mum says not to. Sorry rant over. I just have good boundaries mentally and physically 😡

Oopsadaisy53 Thu 05-Jul-18 13:10:37

I think that you have allowed this neighbour to dominate your life.

Either put up a fence, move house or Find a way of coping.

You are better than him just blank him, don’t even look in his direction, put headphones in and listen to music as you walkout of the house, anything to prevent you from looking in his direction.

Time to get on with your life.

Guineagirl Thu 05-Jul-18 14:52:04

Thank you. It was really for a rant as all you said I do and to be honest I can honestly say I deserve a medal for it too. Fence isn’t an option as the drive gets thinner at our house corner two inch either side to play with when backing car out. Moving no I won’t be doing that. Coping is ok ignoring I’ve done all along, apart from feeling picked on, a fence would of sorted it all,sunglasses this weather have been great

OldMeg Thu 05-Jul-18 15:00:50

This man is a nasty old bully. Remember that and treat him with contempt. You don’t have to say anything just ignore him he is beneath you.

I might be tempted to give him ‘the look’ - one I’ve perfected over the years but it’s just as effective if you totally blank him.