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Embarrassing problem

(81 Posts)
SunnySusie Tue 29-May-18 17:42:43

I have accepted an invite to stay with a friend in the summer and now I dont think I can go through with it because of my embarrassing problem. Normally if I go away I stay in a B&B. The trouble is that I have to get up to go to the toilet not just once in the night, but normally three times. My friend and her partner live in a two bed flat and I am just going to be so embarrassed tramping around waking them up. When I saw the doctor about five years ago she recommended Pilates, which I have been doing ever since, but it hasnt helped. Apparently I have a slight prolapse, but not enought to merit surgery. I find if I restrict my drinking its a bit better, but then I get a headache, or I cant sleep from dehydration. I really dont know what to do and I dont feel I can explain to my hosts. Can anyone help?

M0nica Tue 29-May-18 17:46:20

I cannot see why this problem is embarrassing. Lots of us get up in the night to go to the loo. I usually go at least once, usually twice, but recently got up six times one night. heavens knows why and returned to normal.

Just tell your friends you usually get up in the night to go to the loo. They probably do the same, then tiptoe rather than tramp to the loo.

pensionpat Tue 29-May-18 17:46:24

Susie. This problem is one which affects us all to a degree. Your friend and her partner are probably the same. Best to treat it lightly and joke about queues for the bathroom during the night.

ninathenana Tue 29-May-18 17:51:29

It's not unusual for older people, (and some not so old) to use the loo in the night. You may well find that your friend or her partner have similar issues.
Unless they are light sleepers and your not plodding around I doubt they would hear you. In any case it's nothing to be embarrased about. It's something we all have to do, even HRH as the saying goes smile
I would just casually say to your friend "sorry if I disturb you in the night but I will probably need the bathroom'.

ninathenana Tue 29-May-18 17:52:24

Crossed posts, sorry people.

polyester57 Tue 29-May-18 18:04:27

Oh honestly, I have been getting up to go to the loo several times a night all my life. It usually gets worse when I am staying at someone´s house because I just wake up and need to go. Mention it beforehand to your friends if you like, but I usually don´t and go anyway. I don´t understand where the problem lies, we are all human. BTW if I´m somewhere on my own or just with my husband and I know no-one else is using the loo, I don´t flush everytime, so as not to wake everyone up.

Coolgran65 Tue 29-May-18 18:15:17

If it's yellow let it mellow
If it's brown flush it down

That's what we do to avoid the noise of the flush.
I use Toilet Bloo as it preserves the look of the toilet bowl...when it's mellow. smile

glammanana Tue 29-May-18 18:41:01

SunnySusie If you are too embarressed to be going to the loo a couple of times a night have you thought of buying a portable urinal which can be packed in your luggage and used during the night,then emptied and disinfected in the morning they are discreet and can be bought of ebay for a few £s.
My sister takes one to her DDs when she stays there and it solves the problem.

Fennel Tue 29-May-18 18:58:59

glammanana reminds me of the potty under the bed in the old days.
My Gran used to call it an arkle (article?)

Belgravian Tue 29-May-18 19:11:34

If you are worried that the sound of flushing the toilet will disturb them then take a large plastic jug with you and use it as a potty then first thing empty and wash it out and say it's for rinsing your hair if anyone mentions seeing it.

Luckygirl Tue 29-May-18 19:17:20

We all pee!

Just tell them your problem and ask then whether they would rather you flush it down during the night or leave it till morning (as I do at home).

Belgravian Tue 29-May-18 19:53:46


varian Tue 29-May-18 19:59:48

There is a useful piece of advice in this rhyme- if it's yellow, let it mellow, if [email protected] brown, flush it down. This was our mantra when visiting children with new babies.

OldMeg Tue 29-May-18 20:49:58

SunnySusie we often have friends staying over for several days. Most are, like us, getting on a big.

We are all up and down all night. Have been known to cross on the landing in the middle of the night. I always explain that I am up a couple of times during the night and not to let it bother them, then they invariably confess they are the same. We agree not to flush unless necessary.

Don’t let it worry you.

Missfoodlove Tue 29-May-18 22:00:01

This works for me ;
Try it and report back😉

Nannykay Tue 29-May-18 23:05:44

I know it’s easier said than done, but don’t let it rule your life. I assume your friends are a similar age, so probably get up themselves. As it gets near bed time, be careful “what” you drink, no caffeine. Then in the morning apologies for disturbing them. Or you could just bite the bullet and be honest with them, phone and tell her, I would put money on you will be told not to be silly, and if they are true friends they will except it. Go and have fun , life’s too short

Teetime Wed 30-May-18 06:01:16

I would just talk to your friend about it. It wouldnt worry me if a friend or visitor needs to use the loo in the night except if they didn't flush. I hate the idea of a used unflushed loo!

Nanny27 Wed 30-May-18 09:28:24

Me too teetime. I would hate to be faced with a used loo.

narrowboatnan Wed 30-May-18 09:30:38

I’ve recently come back from staying with friends for a long weekend. I have to get up to pee during the night as well. I just told them that I’d try not to disturb them. They didn’t hear me at all (or so they said) even though I flushed it each time. So just tell ‘em, I’m sure they won’t bat an eye.

Ffion63 Wed 30-May-18 09:46:59

I have a similar problem. My doctor prescribed me Solefenacin (Vasicare) which has worked wonders. I can now make it all through the night and I’ve stopped having leakages during the day too. It made my mouth dry at first but it’s settled down now. Might be worth a try for you. X

Bobdoesit Wed 30-May-18 09:47:11

Missfoodlove thanks for the tip I'm starting on the raisins tonight!

Tiggersuki Wed 30-May-18 09:48:20

So much sensible advice here. Please do not restrict your water intake as that will make you ill.
I get up several times in the night and do not flush so as not to disturb others , but then leave the toilet seat down so it does not smell, flush when you get up....or if you get up any time after 6am.
many men get up a lot more often than you.

harrysgran Wed 30-May-18 09:48:49

I was in this position when I stayed with friends last year I worried about it beforehand and even thought about cancelling. However I've known my friend since teenage years and she actually said her and hubby were up and down during night and apologised in advance as my room was next to bathroom.This made me feel a lot better and I enjoyed my stay make a bit of a joke about it and I'm sure it will be fine and enjoy your stay

LianeDaisyfirstaid Wed 30-May-18 09:51:59

It sounds as though this issue is interfering more than it should in your life. Have you tried Kiegel exercises in addition to Pilates? Google it and loads of info will come up. A physio would be able to help give you appropriate exercises. With a prolapse - even a mild one, I’d be surprised if you didn’t also leak a bit when you cough and sneeze and you can be referred to inconitnence specialists for help on the NHS also. You say that surgery is not an option but does your GP know how much this is bothering you. Try asking your GP for a referral. But if they won’t refer you it might be worth forking out privately for an hours session with a physio that specialises in exercises for this issue. Xx

Travelinsil2018 Wed 30-May-18 09:52:02

Sunniesusie, it might be worth seeing your GP for help with the prolapse. I had two ops on mine which only last about four years and not willing to have more and the consultant suggested a pessary ring. It's a small rubber ring (like a very small dog ring) and goes in the vagina and sits on the pelvic bone. They are easy to take out and put in and are changed every year. I've gone from getting up in the night up to five times to once or not at all and not having to rush to the loo after every car journey. I agree with all the other posts though but I'd just ask if they'd like you to flush when you get up in the night, matter of fact. Go to your friends and have fun!