Embarrassing problem

Thank you for your comments. At one level I know I am over-worrying about this issue, but I have had family members moaning about me waking them up and I dont sleep well away from home, making it worse. Also I dont know the friend well enough to feel I can discuss it in advance and when she stayed with me last summer she didnt get up at all. I like the idea of the porta-pottie and eating raisins, of all things. I will try both these things. Its also reassuring that so many of you think its a common problem, my OH (age 66) has never got up to go to the loo in the night in his life.

Tell your friend before you go so she does actually get the opportunity to say "no don't come then" if she needs to. Then ask whether they'd prefer you not to flush. Preferences vary.

I often sleepover at my daughters, usually after babysitting. I sleep on a mattress on the floor in the girls room, (3 bedrooms, 2 adults, 2 boys, 2 girls in a small victoriana terrace), and I've lost count of the number of times im stepped on or woken as one of them gets up in the night.
My 11 yr GS can't sleep beyond 4am and wI'll go downstairs, use the bathroom, watch TV, come back upstairs and repeat. Most of the time I don't hear him or his father getting up at 5.30 for work.
He is coming to me for 3 days from tonight until Saturday, (respite care for his parents and siblings, he is ASD/ADHD).
I'm sure your friends will understand completely. Enjoy your break.

You can buy something called a SheWee on line. This is a portable urinal type thing for women. My daughter bought one for taking to festivals as queuing for the loos took forever. Alternatively if it is just the sound of flushing the loo after a wee, ask if they don,t mind you not flushing as you don,t want to wake them up.

SunnySusie, if your friend lived in a house then I wouldn't mention it but as she lives in an apartment, I would mention it in advance about whether to flush. Hopefully all is ok but in my small block of flats the people above and below also hear the flush - they will know if their apartment has this issue so that's why I personally would check first.

I've got these dificulties & a prolapse too, but eventually got all the help with it through NHS after GP referred me to local hospital where there is a very sympathetic nurse practitioner who specialises in these problems. I've had two sorts of pessaries (second type works, fingers crossed) & physio support. I only wish I'd sought help much earlier!! Just forget embarrassment & go for all the medical help you can get as soon as possible!

Have you not seen your Gp in 5 years about this again? I think you should go back. I’m not being a scaremonger at all but you may have an underlying UTI or possibly diabetes.
A simple urine sample will check for this. The reason I say about the uti is that I had the same problem as you, I didn’t realise that I had a continuous infection but went to the doctor who initially gave me a weeks antibiotics, after a couple of weeks I still had it and was put on a low dose of antibiotics for life. This has absolutely stopped the problem and I haven’t had an infection since.

Lots of good advice here. The biggest factor and problem is your Doctor and the NHS. Fix things when its really bad . Wait till it gets worse and so on. This is impacting on your life. The NHS just do not seem to get it. More money in their coffers is not the complete answer. My husband has a similar situation , we have to think and plan for travelling and everything we do. Sorry I went off the rails there a bit!

I have similar problems. I recently saw a urologist. There are tablets for overactive bladder. I currently take Betmiga. It is helping to a certain degree along with bladder training!! Yes its a thing. Mr Google can assist with this.
But I'm sure your friends will be perfectly fine about you using the facilities in the night .

I think it's unrealistic at our age to expect not to go at least once in the night. However if you're going more often there are things to bear in mind: 1) the urine suppression hormone kicks in during deep sleep. If you're not sleeping deeply due to other aches and pains then your urine will carry on being produced the same as when you're awake. Taking ibuprofen at bedtime can help you sleep better. 2) Some people's legs swell a bit in the day. When they lie down the extra fluid returns to the circulation and the kidneys get rid of it overnight. Lying down or putting your feel up in the evening while chatting or watching TV can help get this over with before bedtime.

Yes, please go and have fun. We all get up at least once a night. I get up around three times. I don't flush as I don't want to wake hubby. I am first in the bathroom in the morning and flush then. You could ask your hosts to leave the bathroom light on overnight so you can find your way there in an unfamiliar house. We do that in hotels. Good luck.

Absolutely should go. I have had a sudden back painful problem this week, and spent ages at my daughter's working out how I was going to get up off the soft mattress, but I struggled to do it because I wouldn't feel comfortable unless I went in the early hours. I suspect my early riser DH was probably showering at about 5am. i think you have to put up with random noises around the property when you have guests, and surely even in a flat people get used to others being on the loo in the night time

The great comfort of true friends is that you can always talk to them about anything and know you will not be judged. I bet your friend is one who will love you "warts and all".
I think the plastic jug is ideal perhaps with a small towel casually draped over it for privacy.
Can't wait to try out the raisins. If they work for me I would use them as well as have a standy jug for these kinds of occasional situations.
What a great subject as it affects so many people and is rarely talked about.

Get a SheWee as somebody suggested then you won’t be so stressed about it. I have had a prolapse for some years now and have a ring pessary which, now my wonderful new GP has taken the time to find the right size, works well. I recently started doing pelvic floor exercises which have made so much difference and the size of the ring pessary has been reduced. You can find exercises on the Internet. If your prolapse is only slight you may reverse it by doing the exercises every day.

I thought a shewee was just a tube thing so you could go standing up? Anyway OP, if you are really bothered by it just tell them you will stay in a nearby B&B because you like to get up and move around in the night due to insomnia and you don't want to have to worry about disturbing them. You needn't even mention the bladder if you don't want to. Personally I don't think I'd like to spend 24 hrs a day under the feet of my hosts in a small home like that, or want them under mine for that matter, I'd much rather have my own space to retreat to!

SunnySusie Dear SunnySusie, you are among millions of us!!! Now please, start to feel good about yourself, there are so many of us, not all women either, who make those little night time trips to the loo. Please have the courage to tell your friend, before you go and stay, that you are a bit concerned you might disturb them as you have a small health problem - nothing catching! - and explain! This is a friend who wants you to stay with her! What do you think she will say? I can't imagine a friend saying "In that case don't come!" That would be no friend at all!

So please, have courage, have confidence, remember you are among millions of us, and just pick up the phone and have a little chat with your friend before you leave for a lovely stay at her house!
Sending lots of love and best wishes, L

Sunny Susie, lots of advice here, a good idea to leave a light on so that you find your way, we also do that in Hotels. Talk to your friend she will understand, even make a joke about bumping into each other in the night.
Try not to think about it too much, that might make things worse.
Relax and have a lovely time with your friends.

Five times last night! I love the idea of the raisins and will certainly try them.

I hope all the positive replies have helped Sunny Susie. Even as a child I got up in the night it’s something that happens. Please tell your friend before you go, she’s enough of a friend to have invited you to stay so you can surely talk to her. Have a lovely time and let us know how things go.

Jane43 re SheWee: I have a small camper van and have tried various potty substitutes because I do not always want to use my chemical loo, good though it is. She wee was initially designed to preclude the need to sit and wee thus avoid nasty loos say at big camping music festivals. I have a feeling there may be a jug version but don't know. However I have a solution, probably much cheaper:

For pit-stops on long journeys, when I can only find a lay-by in which to stop hence no loo, I have found my best item for a wee is a plastic jug designed to fit inside the fridge door, and has a secure lid. This oval shaped jug fits between my thighs neatly up against my own wee place so no wee escapes. I do need to stand or sort of crouch a bit but it's ok for the time it takes to pee. If you feel as if someone knows what's in your jug when you take it to a loo, then just find a bag to carry it in.

The last time I did it was in a car park waiting for the AA man at 1a.m. ! I poured my wee against a tree. Well, it's what dogs do...

My retired nurse friend with a camper uses a purpose made wee pot initially for bed-bound men, with a lady attachment. I tried this but it's less easy to store in the corner of the camper and not as comfortable to use. She told me she uses it when staying with grand-children as the bathroom is often occupied.

Wishing good luck to all my lady-friends looking for an interim wee-pot! I bought my fridge-door plastic jug-with-lid from a kind of pound shop or discount shop. !!!

I will now open up and tell all with my most personal story.
I left to meet my camper-van friend on a holiday too soon after being ill. En route, I began to have the runs. No loos to stop at but only a lay-by mainly for lorries. My weeing pot (see above) totally inappropriate!

Luckily I have little dog and little dogs and camper van = puppy pads!! These are simply the same as bed-pads for incontinence.

I wrapped puppy pads around me in the back of my little camper and was safe. Luckily I always have loads of cleaning wipes, from medicated to baby wipes and loo paper when in my camper van.

Now I always travel with a couple of puppy pads. Great for sudden emergencies, not just bad ones like sickness but spills of coffee for example.

Oh! I've remembered another one!

You can wee or even poo in a strong plastic bag (somehow you have to keep it open, I suppose the best way is over a bucket but then you could just use the bucket..)

Anyway how to use a strong plastic bag as an emergency loo:

Make sure it has no safety holes in the bottom. Add cat litter. Use. Also good for travel sickness.

And you can buy purpose made wee bags for ladies and poo bags for male and female. (e.g. Amazon) Expensive but ok for emergencies and maybe keep in the car for sickness.

Easier to make your own with strong plastic bag and cat litter, see above.

P.S.to make plastic bag stay open, I tried to adapt a plastic milk bottle. It worked but uncomfortable.

When I stay with DM we don't flush the loo during the night (unless really necessary) as her bedroom is next to the bathroom & she's on a water meter. I've had to get up at least once during the night for years long before my diagnosis with Type 2 Diabetes. I usually only get up once or twice a night although long car journeys can be a problem. After I contracted a Urine Infection last year on a long journey & had several "accidents" I now wear a Tena pad just in case.

Luzdoh some great ideas from you and less expensive than some of the devices in the mobility aid catalogues. Puppy pads are in The Pound Shop and I’m sure the jug you suggest can be found very cheaply in some of the discount stores like B&M and Home Bargains, in fact I recently threw out an old water filter jug which was exactly as you describe.

I hope all the suggestions and encouragement have persuaded you to accept the invitation SunnySusie.