Grandson’s nursery time

Ummm......why have children if you really are so happy being apart from them?

Maybe she was pressurised into it by the desires of those around her to have a baby in their lives. Maybe she felt she had to give her husband the child he wanted.

Maybe now the thought of being the main/only carer for sIx weeks is pretty terrifying and not what she ever wanted. Maybe the husband should take his holiday and do some full time child care?

Two parents here. Why just bad mouth her?

My thoughts exactly, Eglantine.
It is the business of the two parents, nobody else.

Well here goes I work in a nursery and this happens every year so you are not alone. I fin at end of day and some teacher mums stroll in saying they are relishing ' me time' I've heard it time and time again.myes teachers have the time off but cut the nuresery hours down during the six weeks we re flexible so should you be. I recently had onemum say ' can't wait to have some time off and for yous to keep her here !' Infuriating but it happens every year. Perhaps if they just cut the child's hours down and still had some ' me time'.

I am pretty sure that early years specialists agree that 07.30 -17.30 is too long a day in nursery for a 15 month old. However, sometimes it just has to be if parent is at work, then that is ok. In my humble opinion, the teacher mum may want a rest/break from full time work, but maybe the toddler could also do with a few half days at nursery!

I agree with everything Bluebelle and Beau have already said.
I feel sorry for the little fella as wont be getting much bonding time with family and grandparents.

Nvella, I don't think attachment theory has been dismissed completely but it has been recognised that the consistent relationship can be with more than just two people and can/will include other carers. That is why children at nursery are assigned to a 'key worker' and will build a bond with that person; similarly with a regular childminder or grandparent. That may be one reason why this Mum is reluctant to take her child out of nursery for too long.

Thanks to all of those informed opinion who ‘worked in a school but not as a teacher’

I think it’s rather sad that a baby is in nursery for such long hours, but like most posters agree that it’s up to the parents, the child might love it and be bored at home if the mum isn’t great with entertaining babies. I was a teacher but didn’t go back to work full time till mine were at school, I used to love being at home with them during the holidays, one of the few perks of the job.
gillybob one of my DDs trained as a primary teacher in a school and was paid to train. It was called the gdp, but I think it’s got a different acronym now. It was hard the first year keeping all the evidence and writing up lesson plans, essays etc but now she’s an asssistant head in a large school and loves it. This way you get paid and don’t have student debt.

I understand the issue, and agree, I'm surprised too.
Perhaps now that little one is settled in nursery, parents don't want to disrupt his routine.

Not gdp ! Duh! GTP. ( graduate training programme)

Would they be classed as “professional” then OldMeg

My DD already has student debt from her time at Uni Crystaltips so def couldn’t take on any more . She needs to earn. Will look into suggestions though. Thank you x

Unlikely gilly

Teachers, nurses, social workers, lawyers, accountants etc. all leave university with huge debts. Teachers usually have a first degree at 2.1 and then go on to do the teaching qualification, often a PGTC. Any professional qualification will be expensive in tuition fees and living expenses. I don't know any students who didn't work as well as studying. It's possible to the the PGTC over 2 years part time, whilst working possibly as a Teaching Assistant, so enhancing the learning experience.
It's of course entirely possible the mother referred to in the OP has huge student debts, as does the baby's father. Little wonder neither can afford to simply give up work and be a stay at home parent.

I too find this very strange. Surely this is the time to really enjoy her baby, and have some fun together. I'm sure there are ways for her to do her prep, perhaps the child could go to nursery for a couple of days a week if she feels it's necessary. She certainly doesn't sound very maternal, but there's not much you can do about it.

Personally I would want some time with him, BUT if she feels she needs the break then as he is well looked after what can you do? If you say anything it will cause trouble....and it is your son and his partner's child.

RE: attachment theory, its widely accepted that children choose a 'primary' attachment figure from around 3-7 months, but are able to form more than one attachment past this stage. So that can include another parent, grandparents or nursery staff. Putting children into nursery has not shown to have any detrimental affect on attachment to the primary figure, usually the mother. Attachment to the mother depends on her responsiveness to the babies needs. So a child being in daycare will not cause attachment issues.

As for it being a long day, that seems to be depend on people's personal opinions. At DDs nursery she will be following the same routine as at home for naps and meal times and in between will be playing, having story time and playing in the garden, just like she would at home, it's not like school so I personally don't see how it can really be a 'long day'. There is also the added benefit of other children around, which she doesn't have at home.

Some of the comments on here are so judgemental, particularly the remark of how the OPs DIL is 'doing a bad job'. As I'm sure many of you know, being a mother isn't always easy, being a working mother is harder. It's horrid to see people making comments about why did she bother to have children. I'm sure she loves her child, just like anyone else who goes to work and has to put their child in nursery, and I'm sure she has her reasons for putting him there in the holidays. But people aren't expecting her partner to be using his holiday to be there for the child are they?

The OP has said that they worry her DIL has PND, what if she does? What if she is continuing the nursery place to give her the head space to be a good mum when he's home? At least his in a place where he is well cared for. There are plenty of children in far worse situation than this, so the saying 'poor child', 'why have children', she's 'doing a bad job' is really quite uncalled for.

Why do people have children if all they want is for somebody else to look after them?

Are babies really happy in a nursery ? I turned up at GD's nursery unannounced one day and found most of the babies sitting crying and looking thoroughly miserable. GD was standi g in the middle of the floor chewing her sleeve, when she saw me her little face showed such relief that I started to cry.

I think it depends on the child. DD took to it brilliantly, we went for a trial and she waved at me as I left the room, waved at me when I returned but didn't want to leave as she was playing with (well chasing and licking) the other children. During her settling in period I watched her through the window before I picked her up and she was the same, she loves it there. Some kids can take to it really well and some not so well, the quality of the nursery makes a difference. DDs nursery has lower staff to child ratios than recommended so that if a child is having a bad day they get one to one attention.

My son and DiL almost always have to take their holidays separately to fit in with child care ( they only get 4 weeks each) and I do all of the rest . How do we know that the daddy is even had holidays during the school 6 weeks?

Hello there newmom101 - welcome to gransnet. I hope you aren't too shocked by the number of judgemental, critical comments here.
Your summary of attachment theory is accurate but it isn't new to accept that the primary attachment figure is identified between 3 - 7 months. You are right, children form a primary attachment to their primary carer, which in our society is usually the mother. Once a secure attachment is made, it's possible for the little one to make good attachments to other caring figures. That's often dad, grandparents, aunts, uncles, nursery key worker/childminders who are the 'second' main carer.
My children were cared for by childminders, my preference over nursery. The children in their 30's often bump into auntie x (the child minder they were with from age 2 - 12) as they're shopping locally with their own toddlers. Queue much hugging and admiring of the toddlers auntie x has with her and the toddlers who are children of the children she cared for.
Nurseries are not the places they used to be. My grandchildren have key workers - same much hugging if they meet at the supermarket.
It's just nonsense to suggest that the children of working parents always have a rough time. Just as its nonsense to claim the children of sahp's have a better deal. It's all dependent on the levels of care offered by parents or other care givers.
Harrigran, no personal criticism of you or your adult children meant here but honestly, if children in a nursery present at you describe - take the child out instantly. I regularly collect my under three year old grandchildren from their different nurseries. I arrive to find children happily engaged in activity, or sitting around the table/picnic area eating their high tea. Their key workers are friendly, know family members well and clearly enjoy the children they key work for.

whoops I should have read that and made a much shorter post. Apologies folks. it's obvious I'm unhappy with the judgemental tone of some posts here.