Adopted Grandchild

I think you will find he will 'grow on you' and you will grow to love him, lets face it 2 year olds are adorable anyway! Just give yourself time to get to know him, and he you.

We welcomed a step-GC into our family about a year ago. He is older (7), has had a lot of changes and upsets in his young life and has some behavioural problems, though he is also very bright. At first I was not sure if I even liked him and he was very wary of us. But he is relaxing and mellowing as he accepts his new 'family' status - a new baby has recently been added to his family, which he adores - and his behaviour is improving. We treat him just the same as all our other grandchildren. It's still early days for him and us but I'm sure in time we will love him, after all he's just a little boy.

Please, do look on the bright side of this.

I was four when my parents adopted my sister, who was 3 months at the time. I don't remember being jealous at all, she was my sister right from the start.

Later I realised that my paternal grandparents had had the same reservations as you, or at least Grannie did, although I honestly never realised she had had them. I do remember being a little hurt that Grandpa was so fond of my sister! My maternal grandmother and aunt treated us alike from the word go.

I didn't always get on with my sister, but I certainly would not have wanted to be without her.

So please encourage your granddaughter to see this little boy as her brother and all the best to you all.

What a horrible response mabon1, have you no understanding or compassion?

Er, this isn't about you...

My daughter adopted two children a few years ago. Siblings of 1 and 2 years old. Girl and boy. (now just five and six) I also have 3 and one on the way birth grandchildren and interestingly don't feel differently about the adopted ones. As people have said you grow to love them. The inlaws have no other grandchildren just the adopted ones and they adore them!!! Really see them as the same as natural grandchildren and were so proud when they arrived and showed them off everywhere. I help with the adopted ones a lot. All my grandchildren have their own personalities and are a joy to get to know. AND hard work sometimes!!!! LOL
I was slightly worried before the adopted children arrived but am also worried about this new baby.........it did take a while to get to know their third child but we are all close now.

I was in tears reading your comment. My tears were for the little boy. Why has he no birthmother to look after him? . She may love him but circumstances out of her control may have forced her to have him adopted.
I believe it may take time so do not expect the love, you have for your own GD to come immediately you have an adopted GS and you may find GD will be jealous of her new brother. I have no knowledge concerning Adoption Services but I am sure you are not the first or last to feel as you are feeling that they must come up against and they could be the ones to assist you with your feelings . Be happy for your daughter and support her as she too may be having the same feelings as you. As for GD ? I have no doubt who will be ' boss' once her new brother arrives.

Oh no gillybob, you're far from alone in your opinion of mabon1.
I assume 'she' exists purely to 'piss on our grass'!
Oops, showing a dreadful lack of breeding and manners there. I'm jealous, I want a pm telling me off too, it's most unfair that you get preferential treatment

Thank you Juggernaut I thought maybe it was only me who could see it.

Ha ha ha narrowboatman "kindly meant" ? You must be having a laugh !

narrowboatnan
gillybob is right, mabon1 never says anything kind. Check out some of 'her' other posts, they're almost exclusively nasty, as is this latest one!

Maboni not the best way to respond.

gillybob - I agree with mabon1 and don’t think her advise is anything other than kindly meant

The fact that you are concerned about the bonding shows you have feelings for thus little boy already. You wouldn't be writing this if you didn't care.

Try and stay in the now and enjoy the build up and getting things ready with her. That why you will feel part of it all

When my DS and DIL married, she already had a son. We love him, as does my son, as our own and that love has grown stronger over the years. An adopted grandson is the same and I am sure that you will come to love him before too long. Happy grand parenting

Your usual kind response to a problem I notice mabon1

Stop worrying, clearly, you are already biased against this new young child, get over it and accept the situation and go with the flow.

I'm sure there are books/articles online that would help you prepare. A 2 year old may behave in a way you may not expect - hopefully you will know his circumstances ahead of meeting. He'll have been formed by his experiences. I'm not into others children but I have a feeling you'll feel very protective. Having a baby did something to my hormones permanently- I almost feel it physically when I see or hear of cruelty to children.

I think of the song line - "love is nothing 'til you give it away: you end up having more". As the GN posters say here, you are already halfway there, thinking about this little boy. Keep an open heart and let love grow.

Felice. How sad to read of your rejection by your mother’s side of your family. Even worse, that is still going on.
I hope that you have kindness and love in your life, you surely deserve it.

Felice I am so sorry to hear your story. And that you are still having to cope with it.x

Children are all loveable and they are all different. There will be problems as there always are but not from the adoption, just from the ups and downs of life.
Just hang on in there and don't question your love and acceptance for at least two decades.
There are many other pieces of good advice here too.

GabriellaG what a nice post. It's true about Gners being there for each other which is why we need to answer people kindly.
This post heartwarming indeed has left me with tears in my eyes.

Lyndiloo - you sound really caring, and aware that a 2 year old might bring his own problems with him, and concerned for both children. I think you're well up to the job of 'adopting' a grand child. I'm sure your help will be needed in practical ways, and you'll get used to having a new family member really easily.

Children that our loved ones love are usually very easy to accept into the family. My niece is now engaged to a man who has a daughter from his first marriage. The daughter has been referring to my niece as her step-mum for a long time. I find I'm really interested in my niece's step-daughter, just as I would be interested in her birth-daughter, because she's an important part of my niece's family. I do think children bring love with them. Hope you have lots of happy times with your new grandson. x

I have an adopted grandchild and natural grandchildren. I love them all, and you will find you will love both of yours too. The difficult beginning he had will arouse compassion at first, and from this will grow the love.
I suggest you start to prepare for his arrival in the same way you prepared for your granddaughter’s arrival. When my genetic grandchildren arrived, I make a basket filled with baby toiletries and essentials, and I bought a few little garments, as well as giving money to buy bedroom furniture, the cots etc. So when my adopted grandchild was expected I filled a basket with toddler toiletries and essentials, and bought a few items of clothing, plus giving the expectant parents money to buy bedroom furniture, the cotbed etc. Just exactly the same, because both arrivals were expected and looked forward to. Involve yourself in the planning just as you did for your granddaughter, a new little grandchild, how wonderful. Love will come, it always does.

It's ok not to love him op.

I admire your honesty as often we feel we have to hide our negative feelings. I wonder too if your dd may have a similar fear. I would imagine it's quite a normal feeling to have. It's pretty normal to not like your own dc too - I wonder if he might have a personality that appeals to you? We all like different types - some of us like quiet reflective children and others of us like active chatty ones. We're all different.

It might help to read 'children are from heaven' a book by John Grey (from venus & mars fame - which i'm not so sold on) as he explains the four main personality types and provides a really good understanding of how to communicate with children more effectively according to whichever type they are. It really helps to understand which type we are too - also helps with improving communication with other adults once you work out their type too!

We have a bit of all types but tend to be predominately one or the other.