Mental health

notoveryet. It was the same for me, I couldn’t/ wouldn’t cease contact with my daughter so my extended family ceased contact with me. It’s a lonely road isn’t it ? Rather like being in a place you don’t know, no road map, no sign posts,
I just kept going . I am so very sorry you are in the same place. X

As the OP says, mental health problems in one family member affect those closest first but also, the wider family. It can cause relationships to become fractured, as it did for anniebach and also, within my family. The increase in m.h. problems, as well as our society's greater willingness to talk about it is changing the way sufferers and loved ones are views. Sadly, it isn't leading to more accessible m.h. services for so many.

I do think it is particularly hard for parents - this is the the child whom you brought up, cared for and love with all your heart. And suddenly they seem like another person - someone you do not recognise, or even (at times) like.

One thing that helped me when DD was so ill was speaking openly about it. As I did when depression knocked at my door. I just felt that the principle of not sweeping mental illness under the carpet was important, as well as the support that was forthcoming. I was surprised at how receptive people were and hope very much that this means that attitudes are beginning to change for the better.

We are all currently challenged by teenage GC who is suffering with anxiety and depression in a very serious way that could be life-threatening. What I find hardest here is that the direction of treatment is out of my hands and biting my tongue is so hard. I know what I would be doing, but cannot foist this on the parents. If love could be the cure there is buckets of it - but sometimes that is not enough.

I do agree with Iam about the paucity of services, especially for young people who are afflicted with mental illness. The GC in question has been forced into going private. This should not happen.

My own daughter has to pay for her psychologist and councellor, luckily the same person who is qualified in both areas. Her psychiatrist was NHS provided under our area’s Post Natal provision. She was seen at home by the psychiatrist, but as soon as she was one year post natal that ended. She has been seeing the psychologist for almost a year, and whilst improved, things remain difficult. It seems MH provision is patchy, varying area to area. Proper provision shouldn’t be a post code lottery in my opinion.

I know I'm like cracked record on repeat but - austerity, cuts to all public services are continuing alongside what feels like an epidemic in mental health problems amongst our children and adults.
Meanwhile, Brexit dominates discussion in Parliament. I recognise Brexit is hugely important but it's not acceptable to destroy services when they are needed.

Here we go again! More trouble and strife with my daughter. I just feel so down with it all. Had enough. Hope all of you who are also struggling are feeling at least okay at the moment.

sending you (((hugs))) Maddy. It feels like a roller coaster I know. Keep strong, rest, and try to take your mind off the situation for a time - do something you want to do. I try to do some craft, read or anything to give my mind a rest. It is so hard. It will pass xx

Maddy I am so sorry, it’s a constant strain isn’t it ? X

It is isn’t it Annie. Thank you Annie and Megan for your kindness. Everything is settled down now again, but it was pretty horrible weekend.
I know the depressive element of my daughter’s illness is much improved, but the other element is simply not being treated. It’s so frustrating. Unfortunately it’s the other element that causes the most trouble. Our family has been split asunder, much as yours was Annie. So sad. I’m also desperately unhappy for the very young children involved, their distress was so evident over the weekend. I want to protect them but I can’t. These recurring situations must be so difficult for them, they are so young, I love them so much and I can’t protect them, only try to mitigate their distress a little.

maddy it was the same for me with my daughter, one element of her illness acknowledged and no further help .

I have been through this myself and I know how absolutely draining and also frightening it can be.
You need support just as much as your AC. In my case I found very little out there.
If you need to talk to someone then PM me or some other ladies on here. This is a subject very close to my heart. And I truly empathise with you. Big hug for you. Xx

Yes definitely, please don’t hesitate. Often it is far more difficult & stressful coping with our loved ones situations than our own . Best wishes
.

I lost one AC to mental illness. Another has been all over the place for years. Several suicide attempts etc. She saw a psychiatrist AT LAST a few days ago who has given her a completely different diagnosis from previous doctors/psych wards.
She has begun medication and is seeing a new psychologist.
We have been to hell and back, the whole family, but the burden of responsibility is always mine. Small GC involved now so I can't step back even now.
Seven years of grief since this all began with first AC. I'm exhausted and now have MH issues of my own.
Sorry, just whinging really, but longwinded way of saying I do understand and sympathise

?and these for you too GrandmainOz

It's the relentlessness of it that is so wearing, isn't it? We all need to hope and believe that something will change for the better, but with so many swingeing cuts to even the basic MH services now I fear that those of us who are caring for people with a mental illness are simply howling at the moon.

Thank you for your replies, please come on this thread if you feel down and full of despair. I come back to it quite often and always receive support from lovely, caring gransnetters. It does make a difference just knowing others are going through similar and I often feel much worse than I am.
Our situation has settled for the moment again, thank goodness, after a weekend I don’t want to repeat. My poor little grandchildren, it’s so unfair for them, it’s heartbreaking.
Thank you Annie, Smiley, Bridgeit, GrandmainOz, and Grannyactivist, I have received PMs previously as other Gransnetters have reached out to me, and please any of you PM me if you need a caring ear. We all have to struggle on, and enjoy the good things in our lives. I have a good husband, other loving children, caring friends, and a good life. This is far more than many, many other people, including many Gransnetters. So many Gransnetters have lost a child, this must be one of the worst things in life to endure, a pain I can only guess at. Every episode of my daughter’s knocks me back, as it does for all of you ladies who are also struggling, but when things are quiet I try to get on with my life and appreciate my many benefits. But I really appreciate all the Gransnetters who have offered support when times are tough, and I hope I can do the same for anyone struggling.

maddy how I wish I could tell you there is a magic wand to solve your pain. All I can say is do all you can to stay strong and don’t give up hope, both can be difficult I know.
And share here x

GrandmainOz I am glad you have a different psychiatrist for your daughter. This was what brought some light into my daughter's life. A different perspective is sometimes all that is needed, some have very entrenched views and you are just floundering along. My daughter moved house and consequently came under a different Team, it was all that was required. We still struggle and I am expecting things to go pear shaped very shortly when she moves to a different unit, but it will pass.
I wish you well along this hard and lonely road, keep strong

Maddy glad things have settled a little for you. Take care.

megan123 thankyou for your kind message. I'm wishing you strength, too. It's exhausting isn't it?

Thank you again everyone. You’re right Annie, when the bad times come I feel exhausted by it, and I feel as if I can’t have a retirement after the many years of working. But others have far worse things to bear, I try to remind myself of that when things are quiet and I can think rationally. Then I remember that others have lost children, lost husbands, become divorced and lonely, have illnesses to contend with themselves or with other close family members. When things are quiet I try very hard to both think of others and to think that things are improving in my own family.
I have attended councelling which has helped me, I’ve learned to calm myself with quiet deep breathing and with quiet meditation, but I’m still learning and needing practise. I also have faith, but not as strong as yours Annie. I would advise anyone suffering to seek out councelling for themselves. The quality of the councellor matters, the one I found was excellent. I didn’t go to the GP as some previous councelling through official routes was unsatisfactory, so I had a long talk with my lady on the phone followed by a two hour introduction to see if we both felt she could be helpful. I preferred an older lady, one in my own age group, as I felt as well as her training she had life experiences under her belt. She’s been helpful.
Please PM me if you feel you need support, I have received wonderful understanding and support from others on Gransnet and from PMs.

maddy living in the Welsh mountains I use to go up on one and rant,no one to hear (a few sheep and couple of mountain ponies), the fear, anger, hurt, despair, poured out.
Keeping these in they eat away at us . However we choose to let these emotions out it’s better than keeping them locked in. I expect God use to put his fingers in ears ! .

It’s good you had a councillor , and we are hear for you, to listen and to care.

Sending you a Welsh cwtch, and love x

Well here we go again. Screaming and shouting on the telephone. I was expecting it, my daughter moved units on Monday and seemed ok but today back to how it was. I look back on my life and just see all of this having gone on for years and years without any let up. At 70 plus I know it is never going to be any different. I try to look at it as two separate issues, like Annie said, the illness and the person but sometimes it is just so hard. I just run out of words to say to her, I just try my best but its been meaningless really. Sorry just feel so fed up at the moment.
The prayer you put up for peace throughout the me world made me cry and cry. I don't like the world we live in and I don't like the one I inhabit at the moment.
Sorry just needed to put it down.

megan please don’t apologise for being so unhappy and hurt and I am sure exhausted. Yes it is so hard at times to separate the two.

May I share this ? My grandchildren were so young when my daughters illness caused her to leave the family home, the girls were 9 and 11. They were bewildered, hurt, angry, the mother they adored had become a stranger.

They refused to speak of her as Mum, when I said ‘your Mum’ the reply was Catherine?

Last Monday my elder granddaughter was here for the
weekend, the day before she had sent me a close up photograph of her and her sister. She said ‘what did you think of the photograph?’, I said ‘I have the two most beautiful granddaughters in the world’ then she said ‘Grannie do you think I look like MUM?’ I said ‘yes you do ‘, then she said
‘You always said she could light up a room and my boss said
the same to me last week and I remembered you said the same about me’ , I had to hold back the tears ,then she said
‘I have started to remember Mum when she was fun before the illness, her illness took her away from us ‘.

So Megan , hold onto that my love and remember we are hear for you, we can’t take away your pain but we can certainly understand and share x