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How to stop going on crying

(85 Posts)
grandtanteJE65 Wed 15-Aug-18 08:48:05

Advice badly needed!

When I was younger if anything upset me, I could cry for a little while then dry my eyes, wash my face and feel better for having had a little weep.

Since the menopause, I find if once I start crying I really have difficulty stopping again. I know I should stop; crying no longer brings the relief it did when I was younger.

It has become far too easy to cry too, over things that at an earlier age I would just have shrugged off.

Has anyone found a way to combat being a cry-baby at the age of 66?

Right now, I feel I am just making a difficult day (the cat just died) more difficult for DH and myself by going around in floods of tears. I am really thankful that the 11 year old cat was only poorly for a week, and died peacefully at home this morning, just as I was preparing myself to phone the vet, knowing fine well that the cat would need to be put to sleep.

I am sure I am not the only person who finds it only too easy to burst into tears and well-nigh impossible to stop again, even although I know I should, so any solutions will be very welcome.

OldMeg Wed 15-Aug-18 08:58:13

Why do you want to stop?

Is it because it’s not very ‘British’ to show emotions and that we ought to keep a stiff upper lip perhaps?

I know how this thread will possibly go with suggestions you're suffering from depression and suggestions that you visit your GP.

However, before you do that perhaps you ought to allow yourself time to grieve for your pet. I quite often have sad thoughts, and do cry. I’ve learned to allow myself to experience the emotion without feeling guilty.

The older we get the more sadness we will have experienced in our long lives. So let the sadness out xx

Anniebach Wed 15-Aug-18 09:03:14

Exactly as said by OldMeg , I wish I could cry , it’s a natural relief of emotions , sorry about your cat x

MawBroon Wed 15-Aug-18 09:10:42

Let yourself grieve grandtante, I cried for weeks after we lost Gracie, I would go into the garden and talk to the “Grace” rose I planted over her ashes.
Why should this be wrong?
The term “cry-baby” does us such a disservice. Tears are a very necessary part of grieving and loss.
With every sympathy for your loss of your dear friend Remember the love you shared, be sad, but be grateful for the good years too flowers

Granny23 Wed 15-Aug-18 09:15:49

I wish I could cry like a normal person. Instead, I seldom weep, just occasionally have a full blown 'roarin' and greetin' attack, with great gulps, snot, shaking, which leaves me with a headache and feeling worse not better.

I don't know the answer. I think we just have to accept that we are all different.

OldMeg Wed 15-Aug-18 09:16:15

Also, sad or emational tears are different from other tears and have been found to contain protein-based hormones including the neurotransmitter leucine enkephalin, a natural painkiller that is released when the body is under stress.

Sorry to go all scientific on you but tears do serve a physiological purpose as well as an emotional release.

Sparklefizz Wed 15-Aug-18 09:40:58

Crying is a natural release. You are grieving. I agree with oldmeg above. People who suppress tears - I had an acquaintance who was very proud of not crying after her husband of 62 years died - often suffer ill health and depression as a result of that grief or other emotions being stifled. My acquaintance had a long list of ailments after she lost her husband which she hadn't had before. I speak as someone who kept a tight rein on all sorts of emotions after a catastrophic breakup of my marriage in order to hold things together for the children. A few years later I collapsed with severe M.E. and have had health problems for the following 30 years. Emotions are energy to be expressed.

KatyK Wed 15-Aug-18 09:49:51

It's natural to cry over a lost pet. I think it does you good to cry. I wish I could cry more. A friend said to me once 'I rarely cry, I have no more tears left'. That's me I think. Young folks these days seem to be always crying - I'm thinking reality shows etc.

Jane10 Wed 15-Aug-18 09:56:08

You poor thing. Of course you're crying over the loss of your poor puss. Grief can hit in waves when we're least expecting it.
I don't have any answers regarding difficulty stopping crying though.

paddyann Wed 15-Aug-18 10:05:51

I think we all get more emotional as we get older,I rarely cried when I was young but after having children any news with children being harmed or killed would make me cry my eyes out.

Nowadays I can cry at adverts ! We too lost out cat recently and I've cried bucketloads about him .Friends have even remarked they cant believe how upset I've been "about a cat".You cry,it will help and not just with this loss with all sorts of stuff you've been being brave about for donkeys years

KatyK Wed 15-Aug-18 10:19:05

I totally understand that paddyann We have never had animals but my sister has always had cats. She had a much beloved one for years and she had to take several days off work when he died. She said that people thought she was mad but that cat had been with her through thick and thin when she felt alone.

Luckygirl Wed 15-Aug-18 10:27:41

People who are depressed cry for no obvious reason - you have a very good reason to be sad. I am sorry you have lost your feline friend. You cry - it is what you need. flowers

grandtanteJE65 Wed 15-Aug-18 10:38:50

Thanks for all the sympathy. I do realise that crying is better than bottling grief up, but I would still like to be able to stop sooner, so that I don't get to the stage of feeling as if I have a bad cold in the head.

You are probably right Paddyann that there are lots of things that I didn't take the time to mourn properly in the past.

Willow500 Wed 15-Aug-18 10:40:33

It's not often I cry properly - maybe a couple of tears at something sad on tv or at a funeral (2 this month!) but I was almost beside myself when one of my cats died 7 years ago. I've lost pets before and one since but he was a different kind of cat and I was devastated. You're perfectly entitled to cry whenever you feel the need - there are no right or wrong times and for some it comes easier than for others.

I'm so sorry for your sadness flowers

Scribbles Wed 15-Aug-18 11:09:32

Grandtante, I'm sorry about your puss. Cry as much as you need; it's not wrong or strange and he/she wasn't "just a cat" but part of your family. (((Hugs))).

I do understand what you say about crying more easily and for longer since the menopause. With me, it started shortly before the menopause and I spent my early 50s feeling like a sobbing heap. (Yes, I did get myself checked out for signs of clinical depression but was given a clean bill of health. ) The slightest thing would set me off and, as a previously reasonably well balanced person, I hated being like this.

It has got a little better in 15 years but I can still cry for hours over weird things like a broken coffee mug on occasion. My poor OH simply can't handle it. He understands grief at a death and will try to comfort me but what he sees as pointless crying just aggravates him and he'll go out rather than exacerbate things by telling me to get over it.

If I'm going to be a cryer, I wish I could be an attractive one! Not for me the big, brimming eyes and gentle tears trickling slowly over cheeks. I get swollen eyelids, bloodshot eyes, blotchy skin and snot everywhere. It doesn't seem fair. You are definitely not alone, GT.

etheltbags1 Wed 15-Aug-18 11:10:30

So sorry to hear about the cat (flowers) my 2 old cats are near their time and i dread it

etheltbags1 Wed 15-Aug-18 11:11:20

I trief to send flowers emoticon but doest work. Hugs instead x

Luckygirl Wed 15-Aug-18 11:13:13

You need the square brackets ethel.

Squiffy Wed 15-Aug-18 11:44:24

grandtante I'm so very sorry to hear about your cat - very pertinent to me at the moment, as you know - so I'm not surprised that you're overwhelmed with crying.

I'm another one who always bottled stuff up, was always the 'coper' in the family, got everybody else through, and then paid the price.

We really need to rid ourselves of our stiff upper lip sometimes and just let go, it's nature's way really, isn't it?

I tend to well up more with happy events or happy endings etc.

rubytut Wed 15-Aug-18 11:48:00

I cry at everything and anything, I cannot remember a day when I have not cried. I do find it makes it worse if I try to stop. The only thing I have found that helps somewhat is to keep my mind occupied even something simple like meal planning for a week or listing family birthdays in my head.
When I am out I tend to say I have hayfever which makes my eyes run.

FlexibleFriend Wed 15-Aug-18 11:51:31

I'm not a cryer but if one of my pets dies I weep buckets and why shouldn't I when they've been a massive part of my life for so long. I usually try not to upset others so do my crying in the shower in privacy and get it out of my system. Personally I think others should be supportive but if not just go with the flow and sod anyone who doesn't approve. Personally crying gives me a headache and makes me feel sick so I do my best to avoid it. I've never understood having a good cry making you feel better but if it does good for you, just don't feel as though you shouldn't do it. It's a perfectly normal reaction.

Fennel Wed 15-Aug-18 12:53:35

Anything to do with WW2 makes me cry.
I was sitting in the library the other day reading a book about WW2 on Tyneside, lots of photos, and I kept welling up and crying.
Hope no-one noticed.

sodapop Wed 15-Aug-18 17:02:31

I cry more now I am older Grandtant especially when I am angry which is frustrating.
Our pets are such a big part of our lives, we are going to cry and grieve when they die you are not alone in that. You have my sympathy.
I agree scribbles I am not an attractive cryer either, I'm just as you describe, no film star type crying for me.

MissAdventure Wed 15-Aug-18 17:24:17

You can set a time limit on your crying, after which go and make a cuppa, or go for a walk, put music on, or do something to signal to yourself that its time to stop.

BlueBelle Wed 15-Aug-18 18:15:26

I cry much more now I m older perhaps there aren’t as many releases as when we re young and when you live alone there are fewer distractions I cry watching tv I cry if I m frustrated I get hurt more easily although people never see me cry so don’t please imagine I m walking around a blubbering wreck as I m not I bet if you asked any of my friends they d never think of me as a cryer